Keep mouth shut or step in?

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Keep mouth shut or step in?
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Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:53pm

I've stated many times that dd is by no means considered academic. She just squeaks by and normally it goes like this: She starts out gung-ho in a class, is burnt out in 2 weeks, failing or close to failing at midterm, and somehow pulls it out right before the end of the grading period. She has pretty much set herself up for failure next year and if I say anything I will be making her feel "dumb" (which she's not, she just does not put forth the effort) and if I don't say anything, she's going to more than likely fail badly.

She barely squeaked by Algebra I - she is scheduled for Honors Geometry and Algebra II. At last check she was doing horribly in Regular English 9 (she had to drop Honors 9 when she had the mono) - if she's passing at the moment, it's barely - she is scheduled for Honors English 10. She is kicking butt in Earth Science, but only because she loves the teacher. She is scheduled for AP Astronomy. Dd is the type of kid, if she likes the teacher, she will kick butt to make them proud, if she doesn't it's like she "will show them" and won't do a damn thing. Her boyfriend told me flat out, she and the Astronomy teacher WILL clash. She is scheduled for Journalism II - same anti-war teacher - she'd be taking the class at approximately the time her dad is due to leave for Iraq.

I can't believe the school LET her have a schedule like this!! Do I step in and bring her back to the real world or do I step back and let her push herself and possible let herself down? I would LOVE for her to be able to pull it off - it would do so much to her academic self-esteem, but what's it going to do if it's F's across the board?




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Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 8:08pm

I am very surprised that the school would put her in honors or AP classes if she is barely passing the ones she is in now. Something just sounds very wrong there ... the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing or someone just isn't paying attention.

My DD took one AP course and two Honors courses and she was dying! Well, not really, but the AP class alone was a serious time sink. She is a very good student, but she had to work her fanny off to stay on top of everything.

If your DD was pulling C's even, I think I would let her make the attempt. But considering what you have said about her grades, effort, etc., I would contact the school and ask them just what's up (maybe she aced her standardized tests?) and for them to consider adjusting her schedule. I'm sure the mono and having to miss so much school had a lot to do with her grades, but I'd wait and see how she pulls through next year before attempting any AP courses.

 

 

 

Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 8:42pm

Trust me had I not seen the piece of paper myself - I wouldn't have believed it! Aced her standardized tests? Ha I haven't seen the results of this years tests (actually I don't even think they did any?) but math she has ALWAYS bombed - I mean lower 10%. Always... Her testing scores in everything else have been very low end of average.

I am just baffled! She is unmedicated add and dyslexic. She is the inattentive version of add - just plain ditzy, scatterbrained. I know she CAN do it, but there is ALWAYS something else better to do.

If this was this past semester was the only time her grades were an issue, I would buy that - but this is typical of every year, semester, quarter in her entire school career. I attempted to hold her back a couple of times - but she's never been a behavioral issue and she managed to kick in when needed.

If I step in here, major blow to dd's self-esteem - but if I don't....UGHHH




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Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 9:07pm

Your DD sounds a lot like my DS J - a sprinter!

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Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 9:20pm

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Well, that being the case, I'd step in, but I'd talk to her first. Tell her your concerns. Maybe suggest that with the mono, missing so much school, etc., you'd like her to 'ease' into a new year with less pressure, etc. Also remind her that with that sort of an academic load, there will be very little time for social life and bf! BTDT.

 

 

 

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Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 9:27pm

"Very little time for social life and BF" - now that will get her attention!! LOL

Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 9:43pm

Boyfriend rode her activity bus to my house and then we went to pick her from work. He saw her schedule and the first thing that he said was "She's nuts! She's going to be hating life!" He took the Honor's English 10 class with the same teacher she will be having and said that class in itself is a killer. He said the Algebra II teacher doesn't teach - assigns the work and you are on your own. He saw the AP Astronomy and was like "wth that is a jr/sr class usually"... He knows the battle she had w/ the journalism teacher and he knows how she is when her dad deploys - that will be a match made in hell. Oh and another class was Film History - which according to him is mostly war movies.... another thing he pointed out would not be good for her!

I know the reason she is doing this - she has this self-imposed inferiority complex when it comes to him. I made a comment to the effect about putting the effort into these classes and of course it wasn't taken well. She's mad at me - I'm worried about her (but tends to come across that I am angry).

The only time she had a 504 was with the mono. I attempted all of that when we lived in Germany and she attended Dodds schools for her 1st 7 years of school - but they were so completely clueless with learning disorders. To all of them, because she wasn't a behavioral problem - she was fine. They all looked at me like I was crazy when I informed them. They continuously told me she wasn't dyslexic - um okay?

We moved here the last few weeks of 7th grade - and looking back, that is when I should have held her back. Her entire life, teachers have made special provisions for her and it DRIVES ME NUTS... Everytime I let her fall flat on her face - her teachers pick her up. It's been incredibly frustrating.

I was gifted as a kid and so is my ds. I let everyone talk me out of "seeing the problem" and I would think she was "normal" and reminded myself she didn't learn like me. I thought I was expecting too much, so backed off to let her learn at her own pace and let the teachers do their job and identify issues. I spoke to counselors - "oh she's fine." Ughhhh....

DD will take it as an insult if bf or I say anything. He told me she needs to go make an appointment w/ her counselor to change this schedule - but he won't tell her that because he too knows how she will take it. Anytime he offers to help her - she gets offended. He even told her he still had all of his science stuff if she wanted it and she said flat out "no" she wants to do it on her own. The child WILL NOT accept or ask for help.... can you say stubborn?




Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 9:53pm

"Also remind her that with that sort of an academic load, there will be very little time for social life and bf! BTDT."

That is EXACTLY my issue sorta lol - If she and bf are still together and if it's still like it is - he is over here everyday usually until 9. She will have cheering (well if she passes English 9, if not she's done). She will not do any work when J's over here - the last time she did, he stupidly offered to help, she got nasty. So she waits until he goes home.... He will have football the first 3/4 of the semester so they won't see too much of each other during the week then. But once football ends..... Oh and did I forget to add that when he's not here and neither one has sports they are on the phone?

I was definitely thinking the social angle - but thought maybe I was wrong to put her social life ahead of her academics....

Gimme a script here lol because everytime I open my mouth it comes out as critical - this child sees anything along these lines as criticism.




Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 10:05pm

Sadly, she won't see it this way. In her mind she's thinking - she's lost all of her friends, BF will be dedicated to football atleast for the first 12 weeks of the school year so "hey let me keep myself busy". But I guarantee it won't work like that, well unless she can't do cheering because of her grades from this year - then she will have nothing but time, but not a clue what she's doing....

I keep waiting for her to prove me wrong and I want her to prove me wrong. And I'm not negative - I try so gently yet so hard to give helpful hints. As soon as I open my mouth, her eyes glaze over like "here we go again..."




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Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 10:42pm

I know that glazed over look well - I've been getting it a lot this week from N.

Avatar for kel7col4
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 10:58pm

LMAO dd is pms'ing too... Which bc is your dd on? DD just switched to a new one 2 mths ago and I seriously can't stand it - she is extremely moody on it. When dd went to the gyno 2 weeks ago, I mentioned this, but the dr still wanted her to stay on it for a few more months.... oh goody!

We joke around with poor J that he should start going on vacation for a week about this time every month cuz this is when it gets ugly!! He's so good with her though. Poor guy knew I was upset tonight and kept coming to me, asking if I was okay. I'm sure he got an earful from dd...

If she squeaks by as usual with this English 9 class (which she says she is - supposedly this is another teacher that is making an exception for her and is giving her extra credit *sigh*) she will having cheering to keep her extremely busy in the fall.

I guess I will wait and bring this subject up again at a less volatile time. Something has to give and I know if she has to choose between boyfriend and homework/studying - J will win out everytime, never mind the fact that she is bogging herself down like that to be "better" for him....




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