Kids and family finances?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Kids and family finances?
16
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 9:44pm

How much do your teens know about the family finances?

Do they know what the working adults make? What the mortgage is? REtirement funds?

DS2 is so greedy when it comes to money but ds3, who turns 15 Wednesday, is the total opposite. He wants a digital camera for his birthday and while at Target the other day I asked which one he liked. He likes red so he fingered the red one and then scanned all the cameras, quietly pointing to the cheapest one there. Thats typical for ds3

He is soooo quiet but I do remember him expressing worry about our money situation at one point in time and wonder if that's still the case

DH likes to moan and groan and acts like giving him lunch money is going to break the bank. With his LDs, this is not a kid who can catch the subtle innuendos or humor in a situation. He does, Im sure, take that sort of thing literally!

So, since DH isnt going to change, maybe I should talk to DS3 about finances? But how much does he need to know?

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Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 7:48am

Very unlike my parents, dh and I have shared info with ds14. He knows about what we have put away for his schooling, our retirement, what our house cost and what it's now worth (about), about what our mortgage payments are, what utility bills are...to me, I've done this for a practical reason. I don't want him dwelling on 'the state of our affairs' but I do want him to have a realistic picture of what things cost. It's not like we give him updates on a regular basis; he asked once so I talked to him about it once. He was on a basic fact finding mission and I provided the facts and reasoning behind them. As dh was out of work for a year til this past March, it was important to ds to understand things. If dh were NOT in that circumstance, I'm not sure if I'd have told him as much, but I don't regret it as he now knows what it takes to run a household and save as well.

Sue

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 9:45am

Both my boys know quite a bit about our finances, especially older ds. It was something I didn't really set out to do, but since older ds was such a stickler about name brands, and always wanting the newest, the latest, and the bestest, I did it out of sheer family preservation! :) He knows how much I make, and I've had him sit down with me as I pay bills and watch the amount in my bank account drop drastically as I do it. It was a real eye-opener for him. I've not pushed it as hard with ds15 because he is already much more money conscious than ds20 was at his age. Ds20 *still* wants the newest, the latest, and the bestest, but at least now he knows why he can't have it (or at least has to buy it himself)!! :)

I think it's good for the kids to know about the family finances, regardless of where they fall on the "worry" scale, whether they are totally clueless therefore have *no* worries, or extremely worried there is no money at all. It helps the clueless to be aware of spending, and it helps the extremely worried that there is plenty of money in the family account to take care of all the basics plus some extra for special things on occassion. My theory was to let them know how much I make before and after taxes, etc. and then see how much everything costs--from the mortgage to the groceries. If they know what I make, they might think that was quite a bit of money (at least to them) but then when they see how much everything costs and how quickly it adds up, it puts it into perspective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 11:41am

My DD's know how much our house payment was (we paid it off last year - yay). They don't know exactly how much each one of us makes but they have a fair idea of our household income. DH is just like your DH. He would tell them that we were too poor to buy school supplies, etc. They worried alot about money so I realized the problem I sat them down and explained to them that daddy was just a grump and that if they wanted something to let me know and I would look at the budget and would let them know. I promised to be honest with them when I said no to something - if it was b/c of finances or if I just didn't think it was appropriate. They promised to be cautious with their spending.

When each one got their driver's license, I opened them a checking account and got them a separate credit card with a very low limit for emergencies only. I've been extremely proud of both of my girls and how they've used this. They do put gas on the credit card and any car repairs (now that they live at school). They always call and ask if they want to use the card to eat off campus. Oldest even called one night to ask if she could get a hotel room b/c she and friends had gone to a nearby bigger town and had had too much to drink and couldn't drive home. I was proud and upset at the same time but said yes. She had to repay me for that expense.

Also when they turned 16, I periodically make them sit down with me when I pay bills so they actually see how much the utility bill is and how much the credit card bill is and how much the car insurance is. I reassure them that we have the money to pay the bills but that I simply want them to understand how expensive life really is. Youngest DD is more thrify than oldest - that's just their personalities. This works for us.

I teach college and see many, many students get into trouble with money b/c they've not been taught anything by their parents. Please, please educate your kids!!

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 12:53pm

Speaking of educating kids in this area, our school (might also be our state) has a new requirement for the HS class of 2010 and beyond (my son's class is 2010). He's done this in Boy Scouts (Personal Management merit badge, which is Eagle-required) but I also agree it's great to get it in school:

Personal Finance - Designed to teach students about income, money management, spending, credit, saving and investing. Students will learn to use spreadsheet software to apply personal financial techniques. 1 semester.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 2:15pm

My son knows what all our bills are. He knows the monthly bills (such as the mortgage, car payment, car insurances etc.. He also knows about the predictable monthly medical/prescription bills and what our monthly payment on his braces is running us. He also knows the budget for gas money for the cars, groceries and what we have left over.

He knows approximatly how much I make and how much his dad makes as well. We want him to have a realistic view of expenses and income as well as an understanding of how to budget money.

We have not discussed retirement plans with him as of yet because that's all taken out of dh's pay pre-tax and doesn't really effect our month to month budget.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 2:36pm
I would love to teach that class. My teaching areas are accounting and computer science so I should just move and do that. What fun!!
Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 2:55pm

Come join us!

Sue

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 3:36pm

I think it's important for our children to learn about the way a househild runs in regards to finances...a gradual learning as is appropriate according to age.

My dds' (19 and 17) understand that H and I work hard for our money, which affords us to live in a decent house, in a nice town, with decent schools, pay for our heat and hot water, as well all the other extras like phone, internet, cable, cars and insurance. As they've grown, we've made sure they have a better understanding of how the monies are distributed and how we've made decisions regarding most larger purchases according to our means. I've had discussions, in particular with dd19, in regards to owning and using credit/charge cards and how there are benefits and there can be severe drawbacks to owning one. Because of thier ages and the licensing laws, we've been able to discuss the luxury of owning a car, especially with gas prices the way they are. And I don't think they need to know what your credit card balance or rating is either; you can explain it without divulging your personal information.

The ONE area in which H and I disagree, however, is when it comes to discussing specific financial worries we may have. We have had a couple of instances where money difficulties were an issue for us and feel that is something that should remain private, between only us. I have always heard that it's not healthy for children to be aware of money troubles as it causes them to worry about something that they have no control over. I feel it's okay for me to say, "you know, I'm really trying to watch that I don't waste my money on frivilous things so I'm not going to buy that or make that purchase right now". However, H feels it's perfectly okay to make little wisecracks like, "If we buy that, we may not have enough money for _______"(fill in the blank; he may say food, the phone, mortgage, etc.) and I cringe inside. I don't want our kids to think we're on the brink of poverty when things get tight. My H is in construction so there are times of the year when his income is not as prosperous as others. Or, like right now, we're paying a $27,000/year tuition for dd19 to attend the college of her dreams. It doesn't mean we're in the poor house, but I try to be more frugal and stretch my meals and cut down on food bills or not go on shopping sprees...in no way are we under hard times, but H will say something stupid in front of dd17. The other night I bought a new showerhead and the first thing he said was, "Why did you buy that - isn't the shower head we have good enough? How are you going to send dd17 to college next year if you're buying crap like that?" DD17 hears that and instantly thinks that she may not be able to go to college next year...(yes, we needed the stupid showerhead, ours dribbles water out and I hate it)! Lol

So, I think it's important to teach our kids about household finances, but I do think that certain information is none of thier business.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 5:28pm

<>>

That probably sums up my thoughts and CONCERNS.

I felt quite confident with DS1 and thought we did a good job. He had the checking account, beginning credit card, paid half his car insurance and car payment, etc. Everything went smooth and he is a quite capable young man. He know he has bonds from birthdays and some stock but he has no interest in cashing them in and wants DH to keep the paperwork. and, trust me, he could use the money as he lives on his own.

The day DS2 turned 18 he demanded his bonds-DH has just kept ignoring him. We found out he attempted to sell his stock but, thankfully, its apparently the type of account that doesnt go to him at 18(I suspect we had a wise financial advisor on THAT one because we would have thought-oh, that wont be a problem-no reason for dad to be custodial)

At some level, I wish DS2 knew nothing-that we'd opened the birthday cards, took the bonds, and given just the card to him.

I guess Im having trouble sorting that out. DS3 is not DS2 and I need to let that go......

And start dealing with ds3 as his own unique self with his own unique needs and anxiety is one of his characteristics. I need to find a way to address that

Sighhh..I guess it would be boring if they were all the same, huh?

And, yet again, many of us have that same DH. Mine always gets absolutely obnoxious about the cost of the little stuff when we spend big money. After the last college tuition installment, he suggested 'WE' could can the tomatoes we had left on the 5 plants in the backyard. I informed him HE was more than welcome to take on that project. It got a little tense....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 6:23pm
DS18 has rarely asked for money when growing up - always worried that its going to break the bank. DD13 ALWAYS asks for money but is usually willing to work for it. I saw a program once that you should sit down with your kids when paying bills to show them how the monthly income is spent. I tried that once but they were bored after 5 minutes - go figure!

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