Kids changing plans
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Kids changing plans
| Fri, 06-22-2007 - 4:15pm |
I don't remember if it was on this board or not, but I seem to remember someone saying that they don't let their teen change their plans with friends in midstream, so to speak. I allowed my 15 y.o. DD go to a nearby lake with a friend of hers today. Originally, they had wanted to go to a big public beach, but DH and I nixed that idea. She was supposed to be at the lake for a few hours, and then I was going to pick them up. I just got a call from her saying there's a change in plans (if I approve), and she is going to go back to the friend's house and then to a movie this evening. She didn't specify the movie only that "we know we aren't allowed to see anything rated R." I said OK, but she had to call and tell me which movie before they went. For some reason, I have that uncomfortable feeling about this. My DD can be sneaky at times. I want to be flexible because I know plans can change. Any comments?

We just always use the "trust and verify" method. For instance, no problem changing, who is picking them up at the lake now? Will parents be home? Who is taking them to the movies.? If you don't have all the answers, call me when you get to your friends house and tell me, then let me talk to the other parent :) If you get any objection to any of this.....I then would question if it's all the truth :)
Good luck and your right, their plans can change often. Our DS knows that when he's calling with a change in plans, he better have it all line out for me and when he was younger 14 and 15 I always had to talk to another parent involved :)
Julie
Julie,
Thanks for reminding me to speak to the other parent. I don't know why I've been reluctant to do that--probably because my DD will complain that I am treating her like a baby--but I definitely will.
I guess what has irritated me in the past would be when I'd go pick her up from somewhere and then find out she wanted to change the plan. I think that's a different situation though because that's just inconsiderate.
"Thanks for reminding me to speak to the other parent. I don't know why I've been reluctant to do that--probably because my DD will complain that I am treating her like a baby--but I definitely will."
I know what you mean, my DS used to get upset with me until they realized that it was no big deal. As a matter of fact, If the parents of the kids my kids are with don't want a phone call or don't want to stay in touch with me, then they are most likely kids that I don't want my kids with....if that make sense LOL. I have been so thankful when new parents of my kids friends call me or stop by and meet me when the kids first start hanging out :)
I know what you mean about changning plans when you have gone to pick them up. I have said no to that and said, you better change your plans and call me BEFORE I even get in my car :) That stopped too :)
Julie
I'm weighing in a little late here, but I'm of the trust and verify mindset too.
Rose,
That's the best of all possible worlds! My DS is kind of like that. He lies about a lot of little things, but when it's something important, he breaks out in hives! It has only happened once or twice so far, but it does come in handy.
I have no problems with change of plans. As adults, we change our plans too.
Oh my gosh...do I ever have major, MAJOR problems with this! My 16 year old is notorious for changing plans. I have a feeling she knows when she intends to bite off the big bite, but purposely elects to nibble away at the big bite instead of just taking off the chunk. Without fail, an innocent trip to the mall end ups being an all day event and costing me a bundle and leaving me with an empty tank of gas and sometimes a house-full of kids for 2 or 3 days. That's sounds extreme, but when it happens a little at a time, you don't even put it together until you are at your wit's end.
I'm like you..I like to stay a little flexible but when they get to a point where they are taking advantage you have no choice but draw lines in the sand. Just yesterday I happened to have to crack down on this. We have a new rule that before we will take into consideration a request, she must WRITE DOWN what she is requesting. She will get approved (or not) for the request...no more, no less. She played this little game with my husband yesterday after I approved (another) trip to the mall to get her nails done. When I called her cell and found out they hadn't arrived at the mall yet (we are 20 minutes away...this was 2 hours later)..she had talked him into stopping and picking up her friend, going out to lunch and playing some laser tag....I had her put her father on the phone and told him to bring her back home. She was furious, but I simply said "I didn't approve picking up a friend, going out to lunch and laser tag..I approved getting your nails done...it really kinks up plans when people change plans, eh?" The look on her face was priceless.
My DD, who is now 18, has done that quite a few times. Sometimes it really is just a true change of plans, but often when she was younger, it was because her story was changing according to what she thought I would believe the most. I've learned to follow my gut feeling. Even now she does it sometimes, but because she is 18 I just keep my ears and eyes open and wait to see what happens. Follow your gut.
Nancy