Kinda got myself in a predicament...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Kinda got myself in a predicament...
24
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 11:34am

Three years ago, a girlfriend and I took a trip to the Mall of America. My daughter L was very envious and asked me about it when I got back. In an attempt to make her feel a little better, I said something along the lines of taking her there for her 16th birthday. I don't remember my exact words, but knowing me, I probably said something like "maybe" I will take you there for your 16th birthday. Then, I pretty much forgot about it. Well, apparently she hasn't forgotten about it, because my husband says she has mentioned it to him several times as her birthday is coming in early September. Here's the problem (actually I have a few): I can't afford to take her (we would have to fly since we don't live nearby); I can't take the time off work; but even if I had the money and the time, I don't really want to go with her (see "vacationing with a miserable teenager" thread - she is not a lot of fun to travel with, even if it's somewhere she wants to go). My husband says I need to figure something out because L is under the impression we're going, but he knows the issues I have. He says I could tell her I will take her when she graduates from high school. I don't know what would be any different then, other than I could actually plan on going and start saving up for the trip.

What would you do?

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Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 11:42am

At 15/16 I'd think she'd understand today's economy and how it affects you - if you are willing to do it as a graduation gift, do that, but otherwise just say it's impractical at this time and come up with some other special more local thing you could do for 16.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 4:40pm
If you really can't go, you need to tell her ASAP because if she's been thinking about this w/ anticipation, she is definitely going to be disappointed--better to disappoint her now rather than wait til just before her BD, so you can have time to figure out some other present or place she wants to go. I do think that she is old enough to understand not having the money or time off from work, even though she will pout about it. And do NOT promise to take her for her graduation or to do anything so far in advance unless you are actually going to follow through.
Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 8:06pm

I really think you got yourself into a major predicament.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 10:21pm

Honestly, I think you need to give yourself a break. Unless you specifically said, "I will absolutely take you to the Mall of America for your 16th birthday" you really didn't get yourself into a predicament. Yeah, I get it, you shouldn't have said anything. But, I also disagree that this will/might permanently hurt your relationship. I've had lots of "but you said," conversations with my kids in my life, but really, most of them were followed by me saying, "no, I said that maybe or if...."

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 1:58pm
Thank you, Theresa. You've made some really good points!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 2:45pm
FWIW, I agree with Theresa completely.
Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 3:52pm

LOL As usual everyone is going to say I'm 'wrong'.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 4:39pm

Sorry- I have to disagree with you LOL.

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 4:58pm

Dd wanted a dj and everything else for her hs graduation.....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2010
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 5:38pm
I will not say you are wrong. LOL Some girls do dream of having a special Sweet 16 birthday. If you told your daughter maybe or possibly you would take her in a few years, then she probably thinks for the past 3 years you have been saving up for this trip for her 'special' birthday.
If it was me, I would apologize for forgetting you had talked about taking her, but then explain due to the economy such a trip just isn't possible and offer to do something special. My daughter went to a friends birthday where the parents took a group of them for Thai food, a movie, and ice cream afterward. Maybe offer to do something like that or a party/sleepover.
She will be disappointed without a doubt, but the sooner you talk to her the more time you have to plan a birthday that is affordable and just a special to her.

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