Lack of effort & motivation

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Lack of effort & motivation
1
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 6:44pm
This is long but I need to vent!
I am at wits end with my 15 yr old dd. I feel like I've got a preschooler again!! It seems that if something gets tough she just gives up. A few examples...last year she was top for her age for the nordic team, & so enthusiastic that this year I bought, instead of rented her skis at her urging & also spent lots of money on a clinic. She's still near the top but has a little competition & not very excited about it. Then comes school! Her teachers say she can do better in the 3 classes she's got a C in if she just put forth a little effort. She says its because everyone is talking about her so it puts her under so much stress. She used to be very popular but over labor day she cheated on a boyfriend while she was drunk (Her 1st time, told me about it, & I hate to say it, but I'm glad it had terrible reprecussions & I've already disciplined her for that!!!). Since he was a good kid,& did break up with her with a broken heart, a lot of people at school did get mad at her & gossip. She got shunned for awhile, but is now friends with a couple of them again. She says that the kids on the team still ostracize her & it's just not "fun" anymore. She makes time to be with friends but sure doesn't want to on her schoolwork & tries to get out of skiing. Today I picked her up because she called & was feeling pretty sick at the end of the day.She is sick, but has not been working too hard on getting to bed early, drinking lots of fluid etc.to get over it.Last night she was on the phone until late & seemed to make time to be with friends this weekend, even though she knew I was not happy.
Right now I am sooo mad!! I've told her before that 1st comes school, then skiing, then friends, but somehow she manages to weasel through it. I know I'm not firm enough but it really gets exhausting.l I took her phone & no computer but I'm about to give up on trying to get her to focus & put forth a little effort. Has anyone else gone through this???
Carol
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 1:26pm
Carol,
so sorry you're going thru this, I can tell this is really stressing you. I'm not dealinig with it at the moment, but have off and on for the past 10 years with one or the other of my 4 kids. Not sure what to tell you, coz nothing managed to work here either, somehow they ended up getting motivated again as spring came - most of the time the problem started after Thanksgiving break and lasted until it started getting nice outside again. I've often wonder if my kids don't have Seasonal Affective Disorder - I have it in a HUGE way, and my DH seems to be affected too. It's always during the winter that I have to deal with unmotivated kids - though surprisingly, not so far this year... could be that they're all in LLUUUUVVVVVV and have an adrenaline rush from that? ;)
Rose