lament / update

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
lament / update
17
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 4:49pm

Well..it's been a couple of weeks now of the "iceberg."
DD and weenie boy are confirmed history.
WB broke it off with her after spending $200 on a necklace two weeks prior.
The abruptness of the breakup appears clear to me that fresh screwable material has suddenly appeared on the scene. WB's investment didn't pan out. lol...

So now poor daddio is stuck with a moody, crabby 15 yr old DD who rarely speaks to me anymore. Of course, I'm steering clear of bringing up anything to do with him. (I just vent my crass and vulgar WB comments on this board only) But any attempt at conversation with her is met with annoyance.
This makes me very sad.
Maybe I'll get her back in 3 to 5 years?

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Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: daddioe
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 4:57pm
Oh, daddio, I'm so sorry your dd is hurting and is hurting you in the process. (But YEA!! WB is now history!!!) She's probably hurting more that you were "right" than she is over the breakup, although I'm sure she hurting there too. Hopefully, your dd will be back to her old self very soon. Teen love seems to cycle fairly rapidly. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
In reply to: daddioe
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 6:08pm
I hope your daughter returns to her old self soon. I know how you feel. Right now if I tell my daughter she can't talk to her boyfriend (who is lazy and rude and tries his best not to have to do anything) for an hour while she is doing her homework I am the worse enemy on earth. I get the silent treatment and the cold shoulder for a long time. Just thank your lucky stars he is out of the picture. I am praying every day that my daughter will see the light and get rid of her boyfriend before he destroys her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: daddioe
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 7:25pm
I'm very sorry you're going through this.
It must be very difficult to watch, especially if your DD is making excuses for him.
I'll bet your DD will see the light soon, but it would be nice if they'd hurry it up sometimes...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: daddioe
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 8:05pm

So sorry, daddio. I suspect your DD doesn't want to acknowledge that you were spot on about WB and so is punishing you for being right and upset that she isnt' able to prove you wrong.

I hope the iceberg thaws soon.

Jules

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 8:30am

Dear Daddioe,
I know you know this, but it doesn't hurt to hear it: This is temporary. I agree with Julie about your dd hating that you were right, but it think it is a little more complicated than that. You are in that dreaded daddy/daughter zone that so many dads and their teens must pass through on their way to sanity. Not to go Freudian on you, but teen girls are very conflicted about their feelings for their dads at some stages. I amwatching my dd and her ad going through this a little bit, too. When she was little you were King, Prince and Superman in her eyes. Now, as she begins to develop feelings for actual, human boys she begins to see dear daddioe a little differently. You'll be King (etc) again, I promise you. I know my dad was.

In the meantime, just continue to give her hugs and be her support system. She's still processing the wb thing ... I can only imgaine how confusing the gift of a $200 necklace followed by a breakup must be for a 15 year old.

Hang in there!
jt

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 3:59pm
Aww daddioe - I'm sorry that your dd is being an 'iceburg' (but glad that wb is history).
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 4:49pm
Pay_it's thread was a sad and touching story.
It made me wonder if my "giving her space" sometimes can be a poor justification for failing to act.
I realize she intensely doesn't want to talk to me about this.
I'm not sure what she expects. Does she think I'll gloat? Tell her "I told you so"?
DD needs to realize I support her and that's not going to happen.
I hope this is not helicopter parenting....
When you were 15, what would you wish your dad had done here?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
In reply to: daddioe
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 6:12pm

You asked what I would have wanted my dad to do, so I started thinking about it. I have a great dad - very involved, affectionate, connected. At 15, I thought he was dorky (not cool) and nosy and clueless (I couldn't imagine that he was *ever* 15). But he was always there, whether I wanted him to be there or not. In retrospect, that's what I wanted and needed - a dad who was there for me every day, nagged me to pick up my room, was silly in front of my friends , loved it when I sat with him while he ate a late dinner, and never gave up on me or my brothers.

So, I guess weathering the storm is what you are doing now. This crabbiness will pass (hers, I mean, not yours lOLOL), and you'll still be there. One day, she'll let down her guard for a second, and you'll get a glimpse of the pre-WB kiddo.

(((HUGS))

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
In reply to: daddioe
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:25am
I am going to give you my experience with my Dad (many years ago) and although the situation was a little different it may give you some perspective. I wasn't 15 I was 20, and had dated someone for awhile....my Dad liked him to an extent. My parents had had some marriage problems and reconciled, but through that I had blamed my Dad so there was a little distance between us. But I will never forget the night my boyfriend wrote and broke up with me. I was heartbroken, couldn't sleep, got up in the middle of the night. My Dad heard me and got up with me. My Mom worried what he would say, but she let him go. He asked me how I was and I remember I told him it wasn't fair and all he did was agree with me, and put his arm around me and we cried together. There was no I told you so, or any judging, just comfort. It brought us back closer together and my Dad is 78 now, and I will never forget that night, it was so little but it meant so much to me. Just be there for her through all the boyfriends and years to come, you won't lose your little girl.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
In reply to: daddioe
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:52am

You asked what would I have wanted my dad to do. I haven't got a clue b/c my parents pretty much ignored me unless I got into trouble & even then I didn't get much attention. They were so worn out from dealing with my alcoholic and drug addict brother that by the time I came along they were just like whatever. Looking back as an adult, I've often thought that they must have just not been interested in me. However, as a teen, it was pretty great.

I can tell you what my DD's counselor told DH once. DH is a cuddler type person. He is constantly smothering all of us with hugs to the point of being annoying. However, the counselor told him to hug her when he feels like that someday she'll be greatful. So he does. I still think he smothers her though.

I can also tell you what I did when DD broke up with her b/f a while back but apparently it didn't work b/c they got back together. I asked her if she wanted to talk. She said no so I wrote her a letter and simply stated that I thought this was a good thing b/c they both needed to experience other relationships. This is how we learn about other people, other viewpoints, etc. This learning process will help us in our future relationships b/c we will learn how to respond to different things. I did not say anything bad at all about the b/f or her relationship with him. I just focused on why it is good in high school to date different people (don't be a slut but you know what I mean). I handed her the letter and said I respect that you don't want to talk about this with me but I have some things that I think are important for you to hear right now so please read this, think about it, and if you want to talk, let me know.

This way, she knew I loved her enough to respond but that I also respected her privacy. But like I said, it didn't work b/c they are back together - so what do I know???

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