Last night after the dance...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Last night after the dance...
5
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 2:50pm

Well, I didn't know what to entitle this one.

My DD is turning 18 on Mon. In our state, people under 18 can't drive after midnight. Last night there was a school dance. She actually wasn't too excited about going since I think a lot of her friends are couples, she doesn't have a BF and then some of the girls she could go with in a group had to go to a photography field trip and were going to be late.

So she left the house to go to her friend Cat's and then she was going to arrive at the dance w/ Cat and her BF Matt. (BTW, my DD went to the jr. prom last year w/ Matt, she likes him, but he likes Cat, so I really don't think she wanted to do this.) Anyway, I got a call AT MIDNIGHT saying "Do you mind if I get home after midnight? I'm at a party at Dave's house, we are having Chinese food. My car is still at Cat's house and i have to get someone to drive me there to get it." Of course, yesterday was a really great day since i had my first (and hopefully last) colonoscopy. I had gone to bed at 10:00 but I wasn't asleep. My DH was actually still not in bed, which was pretty surprising since he had to work today, which means getting up at 5:30 a.m. I actually think he was waiting up for her, which he would never tell me because I would tell him not to do it.

I try to inform her that it's not whether I would care if she was home after midnight, but that if the police stop her, the excuse "my mother said I could stay out later" really wouldn't matter to them. I will be so happy next week that I don't have to say "be home before midnight' any more. It's not that I want her staying out all night, but in certain situations, like going to a dance or a late movie, I wouldn't care if she was out later.

It amazes me how the teenage brain works, though. When I talked to her later, I said "why did you call at midnight? You know that K (her stepdad) has to get up early to go to work. I'm sure he wouldn't be happy if you woke him up w/ the phone." And her reply was that she thought I would be mad if she wasn't home in time, so she thought she was being very responsible by calling. In some strange way I could see her point, esp. since she didn't have her own car and had to depend on someone else to take her back to her friend's house to get it. I will be happy in one way when she goes away to college that I don't have to know about all these details and late nights.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 4:10pm
Your DD did exactly what I have expected of my kids since the first time they went out without me, and still expect of my 19 and 22 y/o - if you're not going to be home when I expect you home, CALL. I got major resistance on that one from S before he enlisted in the USMC, but he's gotten much better about that since, and the other kids are usually responsible enough to call if they're not going to be home when I expect. Kudos to your DD for being responsible.
Rose
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 4:27pm

We live about 3 hours away from DS2's college. When he has been home for a weekend, I always insist he call upon his return to school. Since he has left late on a Sunday a few times, this means calling and waking me. That's okay and he has been told it's okay

Of course, I have no idea where, when or how he drives while he is actually AT college so, at some level, it seems absurd but..... I'm a mom, what can I say?

So you will still worry when she is away, but yes, it's rather nice not worrying all the time.

And she was very responsible calling you IMHO. Stepdad K possibly being awakened? Oh, well, that's parenthood! Honestly, at some level, you will miss even that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 5:49pm

Funny...I, too, got a call last night at 11:55 from DS17: "Mom, can I stay out until 12:30/1:00? We're in the middle of a game of monopoly and I'm winning--gotta finish." Yeah, right. Nice try. He had gone with a friend N, to the volleyball game and afterwards they went to this girl's house. So I told him, "No, I'll come and pick you up." Immediately, he said, "No, C (gf) will give me a ride home." I'm not sure if there was drinking going on (he tells me no) or if he was just too embarrassed to have his mom come. I should have just said "yes" and driven over to her house to check things out. Next time. I should also have asked him which properties he had in the Monopoly game and how many houses and hotels. It seems I always think of these things too late.

Like you, I cannot wait until he's in college and I don't have to know about when he's going and coming. Here they can drive after midnight when they reach age 17. He doesn't turn 18 til end of August.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 11:18am
I live about an hour away from my mother's house. Back in the days before cellphones, whenever I would drive home, my father would make me call him when I got home. And this is when I was over 40 and had kids, so I guess it never ends. It's funny that my DH never looked at this as her attempt to be responsible by calling to say she would be late. Then if she wasn't home on time, he would be looking at the clock saying where is she?
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 2:14pm
My mom had my sister and I do this clear up until she passed away (we were late 30s/early 40s). She just wanted to make sure we got home safely. My sister and I now talk about how much we miss having someone care that much about us, to wait for our phone call.