Late Night Telephone
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Late Night Telephone
| Thu, 12-14-2006 - 11:54am |
Hi All,
We have figured out that my 14 year old daughter has been having late night telephone calls with her boyfriend and other friends. I really don't think it is appropriate for her to be on the phone after 10 at night, especially with boys. So, I played the mean mom and asked her to unplug her bedroom phone and turn it in. Am I being too strict? Of course, she thinks I am being unreasonable.
Mimi

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Hi Mimi,
Either you are NOT too strict, or I am right up there with you as a strict parent, too. I removed my dd's land phone from her bedroom a long time ago, as she was doing the same thing as yours. She also has to turn the cell phone in to me at night. And I do not allow any phone calls to be made or received after 9:30 p.m.
Amelia
I tried to implement a "phone curfew," but it seemed to be the one rule that sent my son over the edge - so we compromised. As long as he treats me with respect for the day - and does what he's supposed to - I let him have his phone at night. If not, he plugs it in in MY room every night. It seemed that the anger and dissention it brought into the house wasn't worth standing hard and firm on a phone curfew.
However, I agree that late night phone calls have become a problem - with all kids (especially those with cell phones). I don't know how they function in school anymore.
And no, I don't think you're a "mean" mom - we long denied my son a landline in his room, and I HAVE taken away his phone on several occasions when I think he's using it inappropriately. And he's absolutely not allowed to bring it to school (he continually gets caught with it).
My problem is not so much the late night calls as the texting that takes place 24/7. In the car when I'm trying to have a conversation, at the dinner table, while we're watching a movie, it's like he's half here and half somewhere else. Does anyone else have that problem?
An applicable quote: "Kids won’t come out and thank you each and every time you make a decision they aren’t totally fond of....But in their hearts kids know you’re doing your job, just like they are doing their job by arguing." Fred G. Gosman (20th century), U.S. author. How to Be a Happy Parent...In Spite or Your Children (1995).
We recently went through the same thing. My daughter 16, was talking to an 18yr old boy every night from about 10:00 - 11:00. We didn't like it and said she had to be off the phone by 10:30. Then we got her mid term grades! They were down considerably, so her cell phone is in the kitchen turned off by 9:00pm now. It's been 2 weeks and we shall see if her grades improve. (we as mean parents instilled other rules)
I think teenagers lose focus on what's important and we have to remind them.
Linda
I totally agree with your idea about going back to a cell phone plan. Depending on your carrier, you can make changes to the plan if you see DD going over minutes (for instance, you can limit the calls to only mobile-to-mobile). Or, you can make her do chores to earn the amount necessary to pay the bill.
The one thing I would discourage, however, is not allowing text messaging. So many kids have it these days, and it's unthinkable that someone wouldn't - so your daughter's friends may send her texts even though she isn't on a plan. Again, depending on your carrier, you may get charged (sometimes as much as 20 cents each) - and it isn't long before the 20 or so texts she got last month will equal in charges what a lower-priced text messaging plan costs.
This also makes it easier to keep them from using the phone during "peak" hours.
My son is not on my phone plan, because he's unreliable - he's on a friend's (big mistake, the friend is finding out). So I can't regularly monitor phone logs...but I don't see the need for that. I'm far more concerned with when and HOW he's using the phone (for instance, his cell phone went off one day in church - I was mortified!) then who he's calling, because I know most of his friends. But I will put a curfew on the phone if I think he's being ridiculous about it, and I have gone into his room in the morning and looked at his received and dialed calls to see how late he was on the phone.
I have also told him that his phone privileges are tied to respect. He is not allowed to have his phone in school because he continually gets caught with it - but he can have it as soon as he gets home from school.
If, on the other hand, he is rude or disrespectful to me in the evening, the next morning, after he leaves, the phone comes to work with me - and does NOT get charged all day. I don't care who calls it (I don't answer) or who messages (I don't read them), but when he gets home from school, he sees that the disrespect he gives me results in not having a phone until I get home from work - whenever that is.
Texting seems to be a common problem. I wasn't quite so smart. I let DD try to "fix" the problem for three months before pulling the plug. Unknown to me at the time, all the INCOMING as well as the outgoing are charged against the plan. DD could (and tried) controlling her outgoing, but was getting increasingly frustrated at the incoming, telling all her friends to knock it off.
Since I have never heard of a teenager executing a text message that was the least bit important or informative, everyone including DD was relieved at it's discontinuation.
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