Learning Lessons the HARD way. I snooped
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Learning Lessons the HARD way. I snooped
| Sun, 04-30-2006 - 9:14am |
Well, my DD (16) has officially called it quits with the BF that we have been agonizing over for the past year after much back and forth waffling. Her cell phone was on the table and I looked through the messages... I know... I feel terrible about snooping. However, I found out the exBF was such a big cheaterpants and now I am worried for DD. He admitted to sleeping around during their relationship. Now, how do I bring up the fact that I am very concerned for DD; what if she has an STD? How do I get her to go get checked without revealing my reason for concern? She has been on the pill, so I don't think they used condoms. I am so happy she finally saw the ex for what he truly is... it takes so much restraint on my part to not give him a piece of my mind! I am not saying anything to DD either. Oh but it is so hard. Teens seem to think bad things won't happen to them, so I don't know if she will go to Planned Parenthood on her own and get checked. I am very concerned.

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DD and I have reached the point that I can and will say whatever is on my mind. She may not like it but she appreciates my not sneaking or lying. (Still do sometimes simply b/c I'm too tired to argue with her). But I would probably be open and honest with. I would tell her that I have heard that she and b/f have broken up and ask if it's true. Offer to listen to her. She probably won't talk much but she'll know you cared enough to offer.
On the STD's thing, I would either go with the routine exam suggestion or I would probably tell her that I wanted to talk to her and be straight with her. Ask her to please just listen to you - you know the b/f cheated and you concered about STD's and you are calling and making her a doctor's appt. I would also tell her that I understand she may not be comfortable discussing this with me and if she isn't comfortable responding that she can e-mail you. However, you love her very much and you seriously doubt that she can say anything to change to your mind.
If I went with the routine exam, I would make sure that I spoke with either the doctor or nurse in private prior to the exam and express my concerns. I've gone with DD for her exams and taken a bathroom break and caught the nurse/doctor. I've also called shortly before the appt and spoke with the nurse.
Good Luck and hope all backs clear.
Good advice.
However,depending where you live, you might run into privacy issues. Here, the doctor is not suppose to discuss a patient with anyone else. And, at 18, the girl is no longer considered a minor.
Before the appointment, the mom could call the doctor and tell him/her that she is concerned about her daughter's health (re. potential exposure to SIDs). The young woman might not be as forthcoming as she should and the doctor needs to know that.
I would also take the young woman aside and gently discuss,woman-to-woman, the possibilty that she might have a SID. Tell her it is nothing to be ashamed about. It is only a disease but it needs to be checked out.
Deb
You're right, at 18 the doctor isn't going to tell mom anything about DD's exam, that would constitute a HIPPA violation and could potentially cost him his license to practice medicine.
Deb
Deb,
I truly empathize with you. These discussions are tough to have with our kids. And as mom we hurt so badly when your children are hurt.
My 23 year old has two male friends. It's almost "funny". They both dislike the other and always tell my daughter that the other does not treat her right. The reality is both of them continue to hurt her by their words and their actions. All I can do is listen and offer my thoughts while trying very hard not to be judgemental of the two boys. Being mom is tough, even when they are older.
I know here in CA, in order to check for STD's and HIV through a private practice doctor consent must be given as there are fee's for the testing.
Audrey :)
http://www.scrapping-made-simple.com
Audrey :)
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I just wasn't sure the age in the States.
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