Leaving 18 yr old home alone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Leaving 18 yr old home alone?
13
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 1:50pm

My DH & I are going on vacation (w/o kids) for 3 nights. I usually have no trouble getting my ex to take my kids, and I always have my mother for backup. I was not seriously considering leaving my 18 yo DD home alone, but I am anticipating if she asks. Her father only lives about 20 mins. away and as of now, she's not working, so as far as I'm concerned, she can sleep at his house. She has a car and can go visit friends, so it's not like she's trapped there.

My first concern was that I would worry about her safety if she was home alone, and this is what I'll tell her. She likes to come home late at night and if something happened, noone would no if she didn't get home. We live in a safe neighborhood, but you never know what could happen. I don't think her dad would really want her to call & check in at midnight when he goes to work at 4:30 a.m. either.

Another reason is that I couldn't really be sure that she wouldn't allow her friends to come over when I'm not home & drink alcohol. Not that she's a big partier, but I know they drink sometimes. That's all I need, to have someone get drunk, get in an accident and sue me. I'm not going to say that to her because it will put her on the defensive, but they did rent a vacation house after the prom for the weekend and I know there was drinking going on. I have heard nightmare stories about kids only inviting a few friends over and word gets around and it turns into a wild party. Now since they all post everything on facebook, what would prevent everyone she knows from coming over. I could just see her posting a message "yeah, parents went away and left me home alone."

DH came up w/ a wierd reason, that I would never consider and I don't think is even remotely possible, that her friends could steal things from us. I mean these are generally good kids that she has known for years. I can't imagine any of her friends looking through our room for jewelry or anything they could steal. He is worried because he has a lot of medications, but he could lock those up and they aren't the kind of pills that people could get high on, like painkillers. I don't think people generally want to steal high blood pressure medication.

How old were your kids before you ever let them stay home alone? I remember one story about a local judge (who was controversial anyway). She left her 18 & 16 yo sons home alone and I think they had a party & got arrested. Maybe I'll just say, if y ou want to be home alone, get your own apartment!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 1:59pm
I think there is just too much temptation. Not that my DD is a bad kid, but she has a lot of friends. She has to be out every night doing something. I could just see her having a couple of friends over and more people come and it gets out of hand. I do not want to be worrying about this when I am 5 hrs. away. I won't have to worry if she's at her father's. I have enough things to worry about right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:13pm

My DS has to be out every night too. Do you worry less at 18 than you did when she was 17? Mine is turning me into a worried wreck.

Next week my hubby is away and I'll be in charge.I can't deal with him out every night as I worry the whole time (a bit irrational). I might let him out 2 nights out of the 4, but he'll give me grief as he has a new job that he works Fri and Sat nights, so he'll want out the other nights.

We might make him a deal that if he is in by 10pm each night we'll permit him to get his ears pierced. He has wanted that forever, and with 18 yr olds (next year for him) not needing parents anyhow, why keep fighting? I don't know if he'll agree.

Anyhow, I totally get your position and I think you are right. I think peer pressure exists at any age and that it could get out of hand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:55pm

I have started to worry a little less. My big worry before she was 18 was that the law didn't allow them to drive after midnight. My Dd is always late for everything, so she would never give herself extra time to get home. She would either be home exactly at midnight or five minutes later. Now DH (stepfather) didn't help because he was always looking at the clock and pointing out if she was late. I felt like he would take every opportunity to say what she did wrong. I can tell time by myself.

At least now she can legally be out after midnight, so I don't have to worry about her getting a ticket. I figure that in about a month, she will be at college and I'm not going to know what she's doing anyway (although she won't have a car) so at some point, you have to stop checking up. It's so much easier when they are gone and you can think that they are sleeping in the dorm, when in fact they are probably staying up all night. I still get nervous if she's out late that she might be in an accident. I told her that it's not so much her, but that the later you stay out, the more there could be drunk drivers and also having a girl alone late at night makes you worry more. I'm glad we live in a pretty safe suburb and not right in a city. If I ever told her to be home by 10:00, she would think her life was over. lol

Pages