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Registered: 02-14-2000
Let's chat!
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Wed, 06-27-2007 - 9:36am
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Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:49pm

I am new to ivillage and messaging, so be patient with me. I am just looking for some answers. I am at a TOTAL lose with my daughter, Ally, age 17 1/2. She is to be a Senior in high school this year. She was a GATE kid in elementary school (smart). Once she hit middle school everything changed. She has yet to go a semester without failing at least one class which she has had to repeat in summer school (including study hall & PE-ditched). This last year she failed 4 classes-2 electives and 2 core corses. So, yes, she is going to summer school again. I am worried that since she has yet to have a semester without an F, she won't graduate. We have offered other options (continuation school and independent studies), which she doesn't want. (She feels that those kids are "bad" and she is not a "bad" kid.) She wants to graduate from her high school. We give her kudos when she does well in school on projects, etc. But she doesn't want to do the homework or just cuts class. (She was bad her Frosh year, then got better, but the last 2 weeks of Junior year/May 07, she ditched every day...at least one class) She doesn't really have friends at school. Her friends and new boyfriend live in close by cities. We have curtailed her outside activities. She does have a job. We don't allow her to run around at all hours, or spend the night at very many peoples homes. She is not ready to be out on her own. She says she wants to go to college and work in Advertising. She just doesn't "get it" about school.

And that's where I don't know what to do. My parents gave me the rules and their expectations and I did them. So, I only have that to go on with raising her. Her dad lives in Florida, he is not really in her life. Her step-father has raised her with me since she was 4. He lived in a single working parent atmosphere. He raised 2 kids on his own, but since they were about 15 he hasn't had much contact with them (they are 30) now. So, he and I disagree on parenting. I look at the glass half full; for him it is half empty. So he wants to ground her until next spring. No job. No friends. No outside stuff. Just school for 1 year. And I keep trying to give her one more chance in hopes that she gets it. Like she says she will.

Please don't tell me to tell my husband that she is my child and I will make the rules. I have always asked his input. Usually I end up doing what I feel is right, but I try to incorporate some of his input as well.

Any suggestions?