Lip Piercing - arguments welcome

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Lip Piercing - arguments welcome
15
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 12:42pm

Well, dd14 has now began her campaign for a lip piercing - every once in a while she takes up the cause again. She seems to have given up on the naval piercing (which I had reasonably agreed to let her do when she's 16). She now says if I let her pierce her lip she won't pierce her naval. Obviously this is attractive to me, b/c IMO the naval piercing is of a more "sexual" nature for whatever it is worth. The way that thong underwear screams sex...you get the drift. But something about the lip piercing screams "thug" and "hard chick" to me...LOL. I realize I'm old and have outdated notions about these things, but still. She's starting high school this fall. Whether we like it or not, the world labels and judges and I don't want her labeled that way.

Anyway, this is what I hate about teens. I need to come up with a good solid argument against this to preserve some modicum of "peace" with her. Help me out here. And "just because I hate it" is not helpful (that's all I've got so far.)

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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 2:45pm

mom_d, nothing was stirred up. I just found the mjaye's judegment of that girl off base and hypocritical; I certainly wasn't stirring anything up. I think being too rigid and too narrow in our views when it comes to our kids can come back to bite us in the you-know-what later on.

I've always said that parenting requires compromise and the ability to bend a little. Try to see things through the kid's eyes. Everything is not black and white, cut and dry, or the parent's way or no way.

While I see the importance of setting down a rule and sticking to it, I also see the value in hearing out the teen and listening to his/her views, compromising, etc. How do our kids learn about the value of compromising and advocating on thier own behalf if we don't even give them the time of day to do so? KWIM?

I hate lip and brow piercing too and my kids know it - I will not compromise on those. However, I did compromise on other piercings. My kids have learned that sometimes you don't get what you want, but if you're willing to compromise, negotiate and settle, you can almost get what you want and be happy just the same.

Choosing your battles is an important thing to do when raising teens. I was raised with the "my way or no way" type of parenting and I know it doesn't work - it causes resentments that last a long time, so I swore I wouldn't parent my girls that way. We all want our kids to learn independence, and yet, when they try to exert that independence, we strip it from them and pull rank.

Sorry if my post seemed harsh - it wasn't meant that way, I was just reacting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 3:55pm

I nipped this issue in the bud when DD was 12 and wanted a second set of earholes. I told her okay but on the condition that she not even ask about get anything else pierced until she turned 18. Well she asked for another ear hole when she was 16. I gave in but only b/c she had been through a real rough time her ADD and her stalker ex-b/f. She had worked so hard to turn things around that I wanted to reward her. Of course, the same deal applied but she didn't ask about anything else.

A few days after she turned 18, she announced to me that she was on her way to get something pierced or tattood. I said whoa - what? I reminded her of a conversation with a friend of mine about how funny tattoos look on old, wrinkly skin in the nursing home so she quickly said no to that one. Then I asked what body part. She was leaning toward naval so I just sat and listened. I think of all the body piercing naval is the least offensive b/c it can be covered up pretty easily. Facial piercings, even if the ring is removed, still show and can be offensive to others. Since DD wants to work with elderly, she agreed that the naval piercing might be best.

But then the real kicker hit - she wasn't going to tell her dad. I pointed out to her that if she wasn't mature enough and confident enough in her choice to tell her dad, then she probably needed to rethink this. She thought for a minute and agreed. (It helped my case that her big sister had already warned me about this conversation and had pretty much told me what to say.) So off she went to talk to her dad - apparently he tried to tell her that she was going to go to H*ll for this and threatened to cut off her financial support during college. I'm sure she batted her big ol brown eyes at him and he melted cause she came home with the belly-button pierced and lightening hasn't struck and I just wrote a big check to the college.

My thought is that a piercing can possibly grow back but a tattoo well that's harder to get rid of.

So my thoughts are try to bribe her with something else with the deal being nothing pierced or tattood until she's 18. Boy that makes me sound like a rotten mom (LOL) but hey it worked for us!!

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 3:59pm
Oh, I agree. Which is *why* I am ashamed to admit it. And, although you think me a horse's arse (which I most probably am), I was not so much one that I said anything to my acquaintance. I realize 1st impressions are just that, and should I get to *know* the daughter, I would probably not even notice the piercing after awhile. But, to simply meet a person briefly, that was what I noticed. BTW, I never said I found her face OR her piercing "disgusting", I just said her piercing what I remember.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 2:30pm

The more I read your posts, the more I see we have in common with our daughters.

Mine wants to get a piercing just above her top lip off to the side. We know someone who has one. I personally don't like the piercings anywhere around the mouth, the lip, the chin, or where she wants it. I just keep saying no, I think it's ugly and you can do it when you are 18. The funny thing is, when she was about 8, I wanted to get my eyebrow pierced (I was 27) and she was horrified and begged me not to do it. Haha.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 3:09pm

How about..."no, because I said so"? Ok stop laughing!!!


Hmmmmm, I might try to reason with her such as like it or not, people might judge you with a lip piercing. As in judge you in a bad way. Another position to take is "as your parent I feel it is my duty to prevent you from doing something to permanently alter your body before you are an adult (meaning 18)". Probably won't fly and what the heck do I know anyway, I have boys.


Once in a while my teen asks about tattoos and announces he is getting one for his 18th birthday. I told him honestly that I was glad that I waited until I was older because tastes change so much I might've been stuck with something permanent which does not reflect my mature tastes. Like a Yosemete Sam. He seems to register with that. Plus I have a friend who has atrocious tattoos from the 80s and he really regrets them. My kid has seen them, respects this guy, and knows how much Dave regrets not waiting for tattoos when the kid phase was over. Could you apply the same principal? Do you have a similar experience she can relate to?


Good luck! Betty

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