Logical consequences for verbal abuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Logical consequences for verbal abuse?
2
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 1:26pm
Okay, can you ladies help me out again? ;-) I've been winning one battle at a time with my 14 year old foster son, and now I need to tackle the verbal abuse. Our boy is ADHD (not medicated OR in counselling, unfortunately - nor do I have the power or authority to rectify either of those situations) and Oppositional-Defiant, which is basically just an exaggerated version of the usual teenage argumentativeness. My older DD continues to take the brunt of it - although we all get it to one degree or another.(my husband gets it least, since the boy has respect/fear for male authority figures - and he's USUALLY very nurturing and protective of my 7 year old DD). I've identified the key problem behaviours - shouting, interrupting, put-downs, minimizing, badgering and bringing up old gripes in an argument. Morgan has started walking on egg shells to avoid "triggering" one of his tirades, and that's got to stop. I've been sensitive to who he is - because one of the key factors in his own background is that he has been the victim of un-ending verbal abuse far worse than he gives out. That makes him very sensitive to it - if anyone does the same thing to him he becomes very upset, but can't see it in the way he treats others. Oddly - his favourite expression to justify when he does it to someone else is "they can dish it out but they can't take it." which is JUST what he does! SO..obviously we've had the talks about why it isn't acceptable, but now I need to start taking a firmer stand and imposing consequences. I know LOGICAL consequences are the most effective - rather than just arbirtrary punishments. Does anyone have any ideas?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 1:50pm
I dont know how logical this idea is, but maybe have him do something kind for the person he is being mean to. Like, take a chore for them or something. I don't know, just an idea.. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 2:29pm
Just an idea...How about videotape one of his episodes and have him watch it later. Not exactly a punishment, but he might understand what he's doing.


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