Long-14 year-old Sister in Juvenile Hall

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Long-14 year-old Sister in Juvenile Hall
3
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 2:44pm
I'm not a parent, but the situation with my little sister makes me wonder if and how I should step in. I'm 28, my husband's 47 and we're 4 months pregnant with our first child. My sister Shawna lives with my Step-mother, sister and brother. My Dad recently moved out and is not involved much as a parent. My step-mom works fulltime and can't monitor Shawna's every move. She has just been arrested on a felony charge of drug possession. She was caught cutting school and was searched. She recently was hospitalized for drinking a toxic amount of alcohol mixed with various narcotics. This time, she was found with cocaine and extacy. My husband thinks her parents are doing a lousy job and that we should offer to take her in and school her. He works out of our home, so would be able to watch her while I'm at work. With a baby on the way, I'm not sure I can handle her. I don't think I'm being selfish, but I think it would turn our peaceful home into a madhouse. She's so out of control. Her medical coverage isn't agreeing to pay for a rehab program for her. The last one didn't do any good. When she visits us, she steals from us, smokes cigarettes after I tell her it's not allowed here and even sneaks boos into our house. Am I cold blooded for not stepping in here?

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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 3:14pm

While I think it's wonderful that your H would open up your home to your sister and her problems, I agree - I don't think it would be the healthiest thing for your family.

Your sister needs therapy, addiction support and major intervention - I don't think you are equipped to handle what all of that would entail. If you want to assist your stepmom in finding your sister appropriate assistance, that's great, but I don't think her living with you is going to be the thing that puts her back on track. Simply 'watching' her and restricting her is not enough. She really needs intensive care.

And it's not cold or un-sisterly to admit that you aren't capable or mentally up for the challenge of dealing with this. Your sister is out of control, and addict in the making and no one seems to be able to reach her or grab hold of the reigns.

Is your stepmom open to your helping her in any way? Can you make phone calls on her behalf to find local programs for your sister such as therapy, addict support - if not for her, then at least for the family member who have to live with her? What steps has your stepmom taken so far? Is your sister still in school? If so, does she attend? Does she have a school psychologist who can assist in finding local programs? Does she have any skills that will enable her to find a job? Is there a teacher at school who would step in to become her mentor? I'm just throwing out some questions to think about.

It's very easy to know what "should be" when a teen is out of control, but it is very difficult to enact the changes that will make things right again. IOW, if you're dealing with an unwilling teen, your job becomes 100 times more difficult and you will definitely need outside help. You can contact your local social service office to find out about programs for wayward/addictive teens also. There is a lot of digging to be done before you can take any real steps to help your sister get back on track.

Also, you might want to visit the 'troubled teens' board - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-pstroubled?redirCnt=1

Lots of experience there with teens like your sister. Best of luck, best wishes for you and your baby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 3:22pm
Thank you. Yes, I've been making phone calls to try to get her the best care in rehab. I think right now, that's the best and most healthy thing I can do to help her. Thanks for your support.

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Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 3:25pm

I agree with the pp - you are under no obligation to put yourself, your family or your home in jeopardy. If she isn't willing to help herself there really isn't much you would be able to do but watch her self-destruct. Serious intervention is needed which you are ill-equipped to handle at this point. I would think differently if she was better behaved when visiting your home, but it doesn't sounds as if that is the case.

I have nothing else to add to heartsandroses suggestions - she was right on point with it all her resources.

Good luck!

Kim