loser friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2013
loser friends
6
Wed, 11-06-2013 - 11:26pm

My son is 16 years old and he has 4 close friends.  Three of them are doing drugs and last one is a girl who is sleeping with a boy 2 years younger than her.  Am I being too worried about his choice of friends?

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
In reply to: hapall
Wed, 11-06-2013 - 11:36pm

Birds of a feather, and all that.  Don't worry about the friends; it's what your SON is doing that should be concerning you. And WHY he is picking "loser" friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: hapall
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 9:09am

Hi and welcome to the board. My older ds went through a phase in high school where he hung out with the 'rougher crowd' and it drove me nuts. The more we lectured and grounded and complained about them the more attractive they were. A few things to take into consideration: Has your ds been friends with these kids for a long time? Have they always been a bit on the 'edge' or is it a new behavior? Is your ds doing well in school, involved in extra curricular activities, etc? Has his attitude and behavior changed since he started hanging out with these kids? If his grades are dropping, his attitude is changing, etc. - these are things you can specifically address. You can also encourage him to have them over to the house so you can get to know them. Give us a bit more information and hopefully you'll get some good input here.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: hapall
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 11:36am

I remember reading something in a book called Yes Your Teen is Crazy.  It said that parents frequently blame other kids for being a "bad influence" on their child but the reality is that kids hang out with other similar kids.  Like my son, who is a senior, very studious & motivated wouldn't be hanging out with kids who do drugs because he would have no tolerance for that kind of life style.  So yes I would be worried about it--worried that your son is also using drugs, because I think it would be hard to constantly be around kids who are drug users and be the only hold out.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
In reply to: hapall
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 4:29pm

How do you know that the boys do drugs and the girl is sleeping with a 14yo? Did your son tell you this? When do they do these activities? Where is your son and what is he doing when his friends are doing those things?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 11-09-2013 - 8:31am

I agree with sabrtooth, Make this about your son not the friends.  Honestly these kinds of friends can be a cue in how your own child deals with risky behaviors and such.  There was a period when DD1 hung with girls that were very different than her, they were "rough" and I didn't like their language or attitudes but I kept my distance and refrained from judgement.  One Summer she was hanging out at one of the girls houses and they started making screwdriver drinks, The girls were no older than 14 at the time, DD came home and told me that made her feel real uncomfortable and after that she began to sepraate herself from those girls b/c she didn't like what they were doing.  Communication is key, talk to your kid. 

 

 

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 11-09-2013 - 8:09pm

musiclover12 wrote:
<p>I remember reading something in a book called Yes Your Teen is Crazy.  It said that parents frequently blame other kids for being a "bad influence" on their child but the reality is that kids hang out with other similar kids.  Like my son, who is a senior, very studious &amp; motivated wouldn't be hanging out with kids who do drugs because he would have no tolerance for that kind of life style.  So yes I would be worried about it--worried that your son is also using drugs, because I think it would be hard to constantly be around kids who are drug users and be the only hold out.</p>

Even the most motivated and studious kid has stepped over the line though.  I have not heard of that book but I do think there are parents blaming other kids/people for their own problems.