Male/Female Friendships?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Male/Female Friendships?
10
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 10:23am

DD usually eats lunch and hangs with a small group of friends -- all girls usually, except for boy T. T is one of those guys who seems to prefer the company of girls or who just gets along better with them than with guys.

Yesterday, DD's guy friend L, approached her and asked about her 'relationship' with T -- basically just wanted to know if she was sleeping with him and sort of implied that quite a few people actually thought she was.

Is this the way things work anymore? Can't there be male/female friendships that don't involve anything sexual? Why do teenagers assume that because a girl and a guy are friends and hang around together, they are engaging in some sort of sexual activity? Or are dating?

DD brushed L off, saying 'no, no, no, there is nothing going on between me and T', but it sort of bothered her to know that people were thinking she was involved with T, which might deter anyone who may really be interested in her, and she them, from approaching her!

Is this how things work now? How sad if it is!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 11:00am
I don't think this is generally how things work because my DD has a group of male & female friends who hang out together. People know who is dating and who are just friends. I do think it's great that boys & girls can be friends together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 11:43am
I think, at least around here, it's pretty common to make those assumptions among the younger teen set.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 12:30pm

It might be lessened if there was more than one boy involved. Then it would seem like a group whereas right now it seems T hangs with your dd

Any chance of inviting another boy to have lunch with them? T could do the invite so it doesnt seem flirtatious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 1:02pm

So let's be honest and open here -- this type of assumption is NOT limited to the teenage crowd. How many full grown adults wouldn't expect to hear some talk if you saw a male and female "hanging out" on a regular basis ie playing tennis or having a coffee or eating lunch? Alot of people would think nothing of it and alot of people might assume something is going on. Its not wrong or right -- its just human nature.

I think your daughter handled it perfectly well. She should feel free to hang out with whomever she likes but she can't control what other people or going to say or feel about it. Who can?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 1:57pm

My dd and her friend have a guy friend like this. I don't think it's always like the situation you describe. My ds17 also has a lot of female "friends", as a rule he tends to hang out with the guys, though. DD has another guy friend who prefers the company of girls, but is "out of the closet" so to speak. These girls may have been curious as to whether this boy is gay or not. Or, it could be also a "fishing" expedition because one of the girls may be interested in him herself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 2:50pm

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This is apparently, the hot topic of conversation when T is not around. Is he or isn't he? Sometimes he seems that he is, sometimes not. No one can figure it out and no one has the guts to come right out an ask him!

L is actually another guy that asked dd if she was sleeping with T. L is known for being pretty flirtatious with girls, so I'm pretty sure he wasn't asking because he was interested in T!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 3:51pm

Youngest DD has always gotten along better with guys than girls. She's athletic and competitive and really isn't into all the chit chatty stuff that girls are into. So she used to be the only girl at the table full of guys. Sometimes there would be rumors flying around about her and one of the guys. However, those rumors were usually started by some girl that liked that guy and thought DD was hanging out too much with him. This is another reason DD preferred to hang with the guys. DD usually would call the guy and say something like "hey, I heard we were hookin up - was it good for you cause I just can't recall!" They would have a laugh and go on. If it was another girl that started the rumor, she would usually let the guy know so that he could decide if he wanted to date someone that is that petty.

She still sees these guys when she's home from college. She had 3 of them at our house last Sat night for hamburgers and haunted houses. They are still some of her closest friends. I would encourage DD to not let the rumors stand in the way of her friendship - just laugh them off the best she can!

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 4:09pm

DD14 has always gotten along better with guys than girls. DD finds girls as being catty and gossipy and it annoys her to no end. She has some close girlfriends but for the most part if she has a problem there is only 1 or 2 girlfriends she would go to, but as for guys she has tons who are always there for her. A lot of them have or have had a crush on her at some point, but she trust these guys with just about anything. Girls have never really given her a hard time about this as everyone knows who she is dating and how happy she is with him. The guys all know where their place is too. If anything dd gets distrustful of the girls that all of a sudden want to hang with her as she thinks they are just trying to get to her guy friends through her.

A previous poster mentioned that it is like this in adulthood and it is so so true. I wouldn't let dd stress over this. As long as she and the guy both know what there relationship is, it's really no one else's business!




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 6:25am

Sorry C is having a hard time with this. My DD15 has both male and female friends, and it does seem like there are occaisional "missed signals", but they work themselves out. I see it as a good thing - they're figuring out ways to manage both same-sex friendships and opposite-sex friendships - a skill they'll need as adults. Your DD (and mine) have figured out that you can have a good (non romantic) friendship with a guy - the other kids will catch up eventually.

I think C handled it very well.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 7:27am

Absolutely nothing wrong with having male friends that are nothing more than friends. My daughter has found that with all of her good female friends, sometimes guys just have a different perspective, sometimes better, because females tend to be very emotional and males tend to think more with their heads. Kinda gives you both sides of a situation. Plus guys friends tend to be protective which is another perk!!

Sure there may be a crush now and then, but that is pretty much the norm for teens!!!!!!

Andie