Many Questions- 13 y/o DD. HELP!
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Many Questions- 13 y/o DD. HELP!
| Fri, 03-10-2006 - 12:33pm |
A little bit of background...
My 13 y/o dd has always known how absolutely gorgeous she is. She has alwys been athletic, and girly. She is boy crazy. She is the "helper" for the boys baseball team.
When she took up being the "bat girl" for the team, I called the coach to find out if it is legit, he said yes, she is helpful.
OKAY- Long Story..
SO, yesterday she came home upset. Her and her ther bat girl friend were tormenting the guys, and the guys retaliated, but only against my DD. She says they were grabbing her and carrying her around. They poured water on her (she was wearing a white shirt),they took her cell phone and tried to put her in the trash can. When they realized that it was not funny to her a few of them backed off, and one of them got her cell phone back for her. She told DH about some of it, but not that they grabbed at her boobs and butt. I told her we need to tell the coach and her dad everything. SHE SAID THAT IF I SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT TO THE COACH OR ANYONE THAT SHE WOULD NEVER TELL ME ANYTHING AGAIN. Most of they guys involved were text messaging her last night apologizing, that it was a joke gone too far. She said it made her mad and she let them know never to do anything like that again.
The other thing...When she was curled up on the ground trying to get them off of her (I know, it sounds as awful as it is)her shirt was raised a little showing her tummy. One of the guys touched her stomach where all the skin was rolled a little (She is only a size zero)and he said "Look at that, what's that?" So now she thinks she is fat and wouldn't eat anything but an apple for dinner and no breakfast. I managed to get her to take some crackers to school incase she got hungry.
I looked through fitness magazines with her pointing out all these other women and girls trying to get her to understand what normal abs look like, reassuring her that she is perfectly normal. But she thinks something is wrong with her.
So, I don't know what to do about her tarnished body image or this assault from these guys. I am hoping this is just a passing phase and that she doesn't develope an eating disorder over it. And about this physical attack, she says that she has handled it. If I call the school about it she says it will ruin baseball season, and possibly end up on the news! I was thinking about calling parents and leaving the coach out of it. I feel like it is a serious situation. Am I over reacting and blowing out of proportion? I am worried that if I say anything I will loose her confidence.
My 13 y/o dd has always known how absolutely gorgeous she is. She has alwys been athletic, and girly. She is boy crazy. She is the "helper" for the boys baseball team.
When she took up being the "bat girl" for the team, I called the coach to find out if it is legit, he said yes, she is helpful.
OKAY- Long Story..
SO, yesterday she came home upset. Her and her ther bat girl friend were tormenting the guys, and the guys retaliated, but only against my DD. She says they were grabbing her and carrying her around. They poured water on her (she was wearing a white shirt),they took her cell phone and tried to put her in the trash can. When they realized that it was not funny to her a few of them backed off, and one of them got her cell phone back for her. She told DH about some of it, but not that they grabbed at her boobs and butt. I told her we need to tell the coach and her dad everything. SHE SAID THAT IF I SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT TO THE COACH OR ANYONE THAT SHE WOULD NEVER TELL ME ANYTHING AGAIN. Most of they guys involved were text messaging her last night apologizing, that it was a joke gone too far. She said it made her mad and she let them know never to do anything like that again.
The other thing...When she was curled up on the ground trying to get them off of her (I know, it sounds as awful as it is)her shirt was raised a little showing her tummy. One of the guys touched her stomach where all the skin was rolled a little (She is only a size zero)and he said "Look at that, what's that?" So now she thinks she is fat and wouldn't eat anything but an apple for dinner and no breakfast. I managed to get her to take some crackers to school incase she got hungry.
I looked through fitness magazines with her pointing out all these other women and girls trying to get her to understand what normal abs look like, reassuring her that she is perfectly normal. But she thinks something is wrong with her.
So, I don't know what to do about her tarnished body image or this assault from these guys. I am hoping this is just a passing phase and that she doesn't develope an eating disorder over it. And about this physical attack, she says that she has handled it. If I call the school about it she says it will ruin baseball season, and possibly end up on the news! I was thinking about calling parents and leaving the coach out of it. I feel like it is a serious situation. Am I over reacting and blowing out of proportion? I am worried that if I say anything I will loose her confidence.

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Yes, the boys were out of line, the girl stood up for herself, let the boys know they were out of line, and they respected her feelings on that by apologizing.
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I understand your point in that the girl needs to know that her parents trust her to make the right decision. I am not sure that I agree but I understand. I think I would need to be in the situation myself to know how I would react. I see a lot ot things that make me think that this situation has many sides to look at. The girl seems to know how to flirt and get that attention, but didn't know what kind of attention was possible. That is an important lesson to learn but unfortunatly she had not been warned of the possiblity of such things happening and the whole situation could have been avoided. As the mother of a 15 year old DD..I had the discussion of flirting and appropriate behavior when we had the talk about sex.
Where I am confused, is your response about how you and your DH would handle things if you found out that your boys had treated a girl in this way. Are you saying that you would want to know that your boys had done this or you would trust that the girl talking to them was enough?
Kim
If my DD were in this situation, I think what I'd do would depend on her reaction, both immediately and a week or two later.
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Guess I'm kinda up in the air on this one, aren't I? It's a tough situation.>>
Hi Rose,
Thanks for the reply. I have only posted a few times but read the board almost daily.
I generally have thought that I think a lot like you when reading posts that you make to the board...but I guess this thread kind of had me wondering LOL I guess we are thinking a long the same lines after all.
You are right, it is a tough situation. Hopefully a lot has been learned by everyone involved. Hopefully the posters DD has learned a lesson on appropriate behavior and flirting, and the boys have learned what is appropriate behavior with girls.
As you said you would want to know if your sons had behaved in this manner because they have been raised differently, unfortunately we don't know how these boys were raised and everyone could be depending on the fact that they have learned a lesson from this girl.
Maybe these boys have been taught different and maybe they haven't and if that is the case I don't know that they are going to learn a lesson from a 13 year old girl.
Kim
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