Mean Girls
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Mean Girls
| Mon, 03-20-2006 - 11:57am |
I'm sure many of you have had this happen but I need to vent! My dd has a girl at school who used to be a friend who is giving her such a hard time. This morning she came up to her and said what is your F***ing problem you dirty slut. This isn't the first time either. I've told my dd to ignore her/don't give here the satisfaction/walk away and all those other things I'm supposed to say. But I'm at the point where I want to tell my dd to let her have it - as nicely as possible but to get her point across. Of course my dd doesn't want to get the school involved which I understand. But I'm tempeted to call the school. Any suggestions?
Thanks.
Thanks.

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Well, Rose, I agree with you but...I think there are times when the situation escalates to the point where adults do have to become involved. Not necessarily parents calling other parents, but school officials and "counselors" have the responsability to facilitate kids in working these things out. The IMing and humiliating tactics go far beyond what either you or I ever experienced in school. Its tantamount to abuse and adults should always become involved in those situations. Kids are still growing and learning, and how do they learn? In large part by example, i.e., this will not be tolerated.
I agree with you especially when the situation involves severe bullying and verbal abuse, etc.
But, I don't see how a parent can intervene when it's girls gossiping about another girl behind her back, using exclusion as a way of punishment, making faces/snide remarks, etc., but not extreme enough to go to an administrator to report it. Frankly, when it comes to the tactics these girls use in high school, you can't really run to the principal and report them. What these girls do is almost so covert that you can't explain or describe how abusive it is. When I've told other parents about it, sometimes I get a "oh, maybe your daughter is just too senstive." I'm not kidding. A lot of moms and schools think that this is just girl stuff, or when it's not their child, it's not a big deal. Also, I would never call another mom about what her dd is doing because to my dd because: 1.) I don't think they want to hear about their kid doing anything negative and would then become defensive (I've had it happen), and 2.) I think it would make things much worse for the victim. I've been fortunate to have moms of dd's who are now older give me advice and have said in no undercertain terms, "don't call the parents...it will backfire".
I sincerely hope (and it may sound unkind) that the mean-girl who started this rampage against my dd and is telling all the other friends to not associate with her will eventually piss off so many girls that she will be out of the group down the road. My dd has been such a loyal and kind-hearted friend and it just amazes me that these girls go after the ones that they can push around the most.
Someone said to me recently, "why do you think women in primitive society exclude other women in the tribe as a form of punishment? Because it works...women understand how painful it is to other women to be excluded from the group."
I know I don't sound very charitable right now...I'm sorry. Just had to get this off my chest.
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It really shouldn't.... even in the wild, the predator always goes for the easy prey.
I completely agree...that's why I would never call the moms. I don't think any of them would think their dd is doing anything wrong.
Don't get me wrong, my dd does stand up for herself. But what's difficult is when all of your friends in the group just turn a blind eye to what's going on and do nothing to stick up for you. That's definitely putting you in a situation of odd-man out. When my dd talked to some girlfriends about how this girl treated her, she just got a deaf ear and lame excuses as to why the mean-girl treated her so badly. They're just happy that they aren't the one being singled-out.
As far as the IMing...it's not just bullying. What really bothers me is when the girls list in detail on their buddy profiles what they're doing for the night and with whom. This is the biggest mind-tease ever. I can't imagine knowing that all my friends are going to a party and it's advertised for all to see and knowing that I wasn't invited. It's all too much. It was hard enough for us moms when we were in high school hearing about parties by word-of-mouth that we weren't invited to; but now the parties are listed on buddy profiles and you can not only see who is going to the party but whose house the girls are primping, etc. I didn't give this a second thought when everything was going fine for my dd. But, now I see how hurtful it really is.
The part that really speaks to me about this is "primitive society". Again, it does work but what does that say about us as women (and girls) that we behave in such primitive ways and accept that treatment of each other?
A couple of years ago I was at a meeting of my dd's charter school which was just starting a junior high program. We were brainstorming to come up with ideas of involving more of the parents (being publically funded we cannot force a certain amount of volunteer hours, etc.). One of the moms actually came up with the "exclusion" idea. She was a very professional woman, a lawyer in fact.
About a year later I had to go back to work and while attending the carnival I believe some of the parents did not feel I had been "involved enough" during the school year, and I did feel the brunt of the exclusion. It turns out that volunteers were at an all time low that year. Yeah, it does hurt and it's nothing less than cruel.
Hey! Im an actual teenager but I thought you guys might need some help on this board.
I personally have found the only way to deal with these people is to give a good comeback.
Example:
Mean Girl: What the F*** is your problem slut?
You: My head hurts, My Gaydar( Gay Radar) was beeping too loud
ly whenever i got near you.
I know its not nice and THIS IS A LAST RESORT OPTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holly
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