mixed up with the wrong crowd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2002
mixed up with the wrong crowd
6
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 5:54pm
My daughter is 14 years old & will be 15 in a couple weeks. She is hanging out with kids that my husband & I don't want with period. The issue is they happen to be 2 of my sisters 4 kids. My daughter knows we don't want her around them & she doesnt seem to think anything is wrong with hanging out with them. My nephew is 15 almost 16 & he drug deals & smokes pot. He talks about it openly. Plus he steals $ from people even his own family members. My sisters daughter has the reputation of a tramp & shes only 14. She acts inapproperiate around men. She dresses in revealing clothes. The police basically told my husband we can't do much about it. The more we forbid her to go there the more she will defy us. Taking privlidges away doesnt seem to bother her & neither does grounding her. We can't get a restraining order unless something physical happens. My daughter claims she doesnt do drugs with them but I have suspicions although I havent found any proof. The probation department told my sister they can't do anything to him legally for smoking pot they have to catch him selling it. Someone attempted to rob a cash register I had in my house, it was an antique sort of. I think my nephew did it but we can't prove it. The police werent any help there. It seems like no matter what they do they can get away with it because there under 18. We don't know what to do to keep our daughter away from these people. One day this kid will get arresetd & my daughter will be accessory to the crime. She doesnt take it serious. Any advice is appreciated.
Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 9:02am
Boy, jen, you are in a tough situation with your daughter. Does she seem to really like hanging out with these kids or do you think she is experimenting? Can you limit her time with the cousins to "only at your house when you or your dh are there?" Obviously, based on what you have said in your post there is plenty of reason NOT to trust. Make it clear to your daughter that you totally disapprove of the way the cousins act and you want to see your dd making better choices. If she is "experimenting" she may be glad you got her OUT of the situation with the cousins. Get ready for an explosion of emotions from her. Brace yourself and let her know you love her and don't want to see her getting into situations that could ruin her life. Sometimes teens just don't know how to say no to bad influences. Also check out the troubled teen board. Good luck.
Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 10:02am
Can you move away?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2002
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 11:09am
My husband doesnt want to move because we were here first. We were here for 8 years before they came around. He feels they should move.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 12:00pm
But they won't move. So even though it isn't "fair," you folks should probably consider moving for your child's sake.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 1:01pm

Yeah well, it isn't that easy is it? And how do you "move" away from your family? They are your sister's kids and as much trouble as they get themselves into, these are your nephews and nieces. I don't know how exactly but there must be some way to help them and your sister. How does SHE feel about it? And how would she feel about you basically running out on her?

I guess what I'm saying is if these were just some strangers living next door, sure, move out. But this is your family. And if you take your daughter away from the cousins she cares about, she will be very resentful. In my culture, first cousins are like brothers and sisters -- part of our extended family. And even though I had cousins who had trouble with drinking or drugs or the law, we were never forbidden to be with them -- our parents just did all they could to HELP them in whatever whey they could.

And the reality is you can't move away from temptation and problems. Find me the neighbourhood, anywhere, that is free of teenagers with issues. Your daughter needs to learn right from wrong and how to make her own decisions.

In my opinion, the best way to have her spend less time with her cousins and build her own interests away from theirs is to get her involved in something different of her own. Sign her up for a sports team, or dance classes, or a church youth group or whatever else she might be interested in. Something to occupy her time and give her hours with other people who have similar interests. Only when she builds her own interests and self-confidence will she have the ability to see how wrong her cousins behaviour is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2002
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 3:32pm
My sister went to counceling with them & talked with the parole officer & they told her theres not much they can really do. They were put on pins & that did help. So even though the kid smokes pot & deals the law doesnt care. He steals from people but hasnt gotten caught. I don't allow the 2 kids in my house because I don't trust them. It's terrible when the law does nothing. I wont let my daughter go anyplace with my nephew & his friends. If they go skating or to a party she doesnt go.