Mom wants to play @ teens b-day party
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| Fri, 04-13-2007 - 12:42am |
This year, to celebrate the big 1-3 (a little late, but that's ok) I'm paying way more than I can afford so he and 9 of his favorite school chums can play paintball. Even more special than usual (in his mind), is that this is his first boy-girl birthday party since 2nd grade.
And since I'm paying for a package of exactly 10 kids, I want to be certain 10 kids are gonna be there. So I've personally called the parents of the top 10 invited kids to verify the date is good for them and get it on their calendars (or we'll invite someone else!)
While talking to one of the invited girls, she asks if her mom can come. I'm saying "sure, there's a place for your mom to sit and watch" when, suddenly, the mom (who I don't know) is on the phone. The mom says SHE wants to play paintball too and can she?
I was so surprised I had no idea what to say.
1/I can barely afford to pay for the 10 kids, I can't afford any "extras" and
2/the party package gives the kids a private field and ref for 2 hours, after that they can play in the public games. But I just can't imagine ten 13-year old kids being thrilled to share their private field with the mom of one of the girls. I'm not even playing! No other adult is playing! Not even our close friends!
Could I have misunderstood? Am I overreacting?
I tried telling the mom that I had only paid for 10 people and that they got 2-hours on a private field, but that it was a public place and she could surely play in the open play. But I never actually said "NO". Mostly, I fear, I was blathering. And I was afraid if I pissed her off she wouldn't bring her daughter to the party. SO, she's coming and plans to play. She sounds quite excited about it.
And I'm glad she thinks it sounds neat, it is fun! But I really wanted this to be a special thing for JUST my son and his friends. Just kids. Just these kids. The grown-up party is scheduled for another day.
What if when I give the formal invitation to this girl, I include a flier with the public rates and field times in it for her mom. Would that be enough hint that she can play but not on the party field? Or would that be rude? Or, should I let her play with my son's private group? I wonder what DS will think about this. Hmm. Maybe she just doesn't realize how the fields are set up and thinks it is all open, like at the rock gym.
I wouldn't have been surprised if someone asked if a sibling could come and play. I just never expected a mom to want to play at 13th boy b-day party!
.... ACK!.. I'm still blathering....
Karen
PS. Dang, I hope she doesn't read this website cuz I'll REALLY feel stupid then!

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Some people don't take a hint LOL and this woman may be one of them. I would say (and it would be awkward and blathering) that the private field is "kids only", but you would be happy to give her the info if she wants to do the same thing (schedule a party) at another time.
I've had the unexpected sibs at a party, and I think that's pretty rude too. I had the older sister come to my son's 7yo party - she's 10 and was bored to tears - but was that my problem? NOPE - mom just dropped her off at a 7yo boy party! I wasn't mean or anything, but didn't go out of my way to adapt stuff for her either.
Sue
I would tell her that it's your ds's birthday party and he wants to play with his friends. I would respectfully tell her that she can watch along with you but that it wouldn't be fair to your ds to have her playing as well.
stacy
I'm going to sort of take the other side here.
That mom probably has no idea you're so freaked over this. I also don't see the problem, really.
I threw my son 3 paintball parties. Even though I didn't pay for the adults, some played with the kids anyway, and everyone had a blast! The kids seemed to take personal satisfaction at blasting the grown-ups!
And look at the possible bright side of your situation, hehe, some of those adults quit after getting a painful shot or two!
Have you asked your son how he feels about her playing? It might turn out the kids don't care at all.
Good luck and let us know how it goes! And above all else, have fun!
zz
I would first check with your son and ask if he minds. If not, then I would call the place and find out what the extra cost is for the mom to play and then call her to relay that information. Simply say, "I wanted to get back with you in regards to the party. They can accommodate your joining the kids in play, but you will have to pay the difference of $________. If you like, you can pay yourself the day of the party or you can forward me a check in that amount and I will include it with my payment for the kids."
After she picks her jaw up off the floor I'm pretty sure she'll bow out but nothing surprises me anymore! Let her blather a little and then ask her to confirm if she will be coming or not, and then cheerfully say, "Okay, well I will see you at the party!" and hang up.
I know it's nice to be all inclusive and that other mushy stuff, but we're talking about a parent here, not a sibling or cousin who happens to be staying with a friend. I'm fairly certain that most parents who have kids age 13 know that birthday parties on location get expensive and that the party is usually for the kid and his/her friends ONLY. Personally, I think it was kind of rude for the parent to ask to be included in this. I could see if you said other parents were going to participate, but you didn't. You specifically called to invite the daughter, not the mom. It was forward of the mom to include herself in the invite. Jeesh - most parents can't wait to drop off Suzie at a birthday party so they can have 2 hours of free-time!
"...I threw my son 3 paintball parties. Even though I didn't pay for the adults, some played with the kids anyway, and everyone had a blast! The kids seemed to take personal satisfaction at blasting the grown-ups!..."
I think if other, close adult friends were going to play it wouldn't have felt like such a surprise. But not one other adult is planning to play except this one mom. I don't even know her. Never met the mom or spoken with her before.
I did ask my son how he felt. He didn't seem sure one way or the other. He made a few slightly negative comments, but more about the relationship between the mom and the friend, not really about the mom playing. So I can't tell how he really feels.
I KNOW the party will be fun no matter what. I just was so taken aback by this unexpected response last night my brain exploded! YOu know how it is when your expectations don't match reality! lol
"I did ask my son how he felt. He didn't seem sure one way or the other. He made a few slightly negative comments, but more about the relationship between the mom and the friend, not really about the mom playing. So I can't tell how he really feels."
If it were me, I'd consider that a "no." If it wasn't completely positive, consider it negative and "no."
Just check out the rates for adults playing on the other, open field and call that mom back tonight, and tell her you checked the rates out for her as soon as you could and relay the info to her. It is a b-day party after all. If she doesn't have a clue, that's not your fault. But, make it clear, that this field is for *kids only*. Adults are welcome to be on the open field, or join the kids after they go to the open field after the 2 hour party is completed. And, make it clear that there is a charge she will need to pay for. And, it might not be a bad idea to speak with the paint ball company before you go, that there might be a parent who wants to play with the kids, and they need to be instructed to play on the open field and pay for themselves. No need to tell the other mom you've spoken to them, but tell the company you are NOT paying for parents to play, and give specific instruction to have any paying parents sent to the open field or they are welcome to pay and join kids after party.
If she doesn't send the daughter, oh well, invite someone else. The daughter can get mad at her own mom, not you or you ds.
Sallie
It's amazing, isn't it, how people invite themselves to things, but giving this woman the benefit of the doubt, maybe she didn't realize it was a private field. When my DD turned 16, we paid for her & her friends to play lazer tag. But because of the cost, we didn't reserve a private time, we just brought about 10 kids and they played w/ other people, which they didn't care about. I did let my DS, who was then 9, play, since otherwise he would have just been sitting around. But my ex & I didn't play. I wouldn't have enjoyed running around in the dark and getting sweaty anyway, and I would like paintball even less since my DH has told me it does hurt when you get hit.
I think you have to make it specifically clear to this mom that you can only pay for the kids and that if she wants to play, it would cost her $x. I'm not sure if I would say that she can't play w/ the kids. I would think she would feel stupid enough to be the only adult playing w/ 10 kids, but then again, you never know. Maybe her DD is rolling her eyes and will tell her mom that she should be like the other adults and not embarrass her by playing. You know how all kids are embarrassed by everything their own parents do anyway.
Or, since I'm assuming they have an area where you are going to have the cake later, you could invite her to have some coffee w/ you and the other adults and explain that you're not playing since you wanted the kids to have fun alone.
Well hope you have this resolved, I'd explain that the Party is for Kids only since it's a private field with referee's etc. But open to the public is just that open, other wise, it might be better for the girl to not come, which is worse her and her mom or neither?
Some people just don't get it, I had a parent drop off her dd for a 11yr. old party and made her bring her 5yr. sis. she basically babysat, and they were picked up 2 hrs. after
the party!
Good luck
Ok... here's what I'm gonna do unless someone shouts "NO STOP!!" first.
I'm gonna send the note below to the mom via kid mail (you know, my kid gives it to her kid who, hopefully, gives it to her.)
I think it gets my expectations along clearly without sounding touchy or rude. What do you think?
SAMPLE:
"Hi!
Wanted to give you some information so you would know what to expect regarding paintball on May 12. I pulled this off of the website, xxxxpaintball.com.
I reserved the party for a fixed group size of 10 so that the kids could have a playing field all to themselves. But, if you want to play on the open field while the kids are battling it out on the private field, you can pay $22 as an extra party player. I think you can pay when you arrive. That fee will get you a semi-automatic marker, safety goggles, unlimited CO2 and 300 paintballs.
Normally the cost of an individual player is $40 a person and would give you 500 paintballs (instead of 300), but the extra player rate will let you try out the game without paying so much. And you can always buy more paintballs if you need them.
When the kids get done with their private game and join you on the open field, then you can show them what you’ve learned!!! (If you aren’t too sore by then.) Be sure to wear some extra shirts to soften the blow of paintballs hitting you above the waist, if you know what I mean. Definitely wear a pair of long pants, too.
I’ve played years ago, although it was in a forest setting, not a bunker field like these are, and it can be really fun and exciting. See you soon"
So -- whatcha think? Will that do it?
OK - we are alike....!
I'd cut the 3rd. paragraph out totally... It's more info than needed and
on the 4th. paragraph I'd stop at... show them what you’ve learned!!!
Cuz the rest is sarcasam, that I love, but most people don't take it well
and you don't want to cause problems you just want her to stay off your ds's
playing field.
Take satisfaction in accomplishing what you want and watch and see what
happens at the party... She might think you are being totally nice and that's
what you want, isn't it?
Lori
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