Mood swings daughter

Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001
Mood swings daughter
49
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 9:52pm

UUGHHHHHH!!!!

She is 14 yrs old. She is generally quite moral and good. She has excellent grades and so on. BUT, a few days ago (in another post) she went on an emotional rant about wanting to go to Yale. The next day, she got her period and it was very heavy and she started to behave better so I thought all was fine. But then today, again, back to acting horrible.

For starters, she likes to dominate my time. So she will ask me to come to her room. And even if I am in there for hours, she gets all angry whenever someone else walks in, as in, mostly her 6 yr old brother. She will start screaming at him. Then earlier, she was off watching a movie and I went in to her room and sat and was on my computer. She walks in and insists I leave "get out of my room! I am sick of you always being in here" oohhhh kay! This is the girl who wants me in there all the time. I told her that her tone of voice and her attitude is unacceptable and that she is not to speak to me that way. I should add here, we have a pretty open door type house here, so she is always in my room and has no issue with walking in to her brothers' rooms without asking. This is something that has always been a nonissue until recent times. She has the biggest bedroom in the house, yet does not have to share. The only reason I did not move her to a different bedroom is because her bedroom is painted a girly color and the rest of the rooms are not and she is my only girl.

Lately, because her older brother is about to turn 16, he is looking in to getting a job. Now he is finding out that places hire 15 yr olds around here. But, when he asks about hiring, she will jump in and say something along the lines of "can you hire me at 14 anyway? please please, I really want a job." said all babyish. I told her to stop it when that happened at Taco Bell tonight. I explained to her again that she just looks like a difficult rude child when she does that and in a year, when she is old enough, they will remember her and not hire her. But in the meantime, she can do volunteer work if she likes. No, she is not interested. I told her that her job is concentrating on school and childhood for now and we can talk going to work part time when she is closer to 16 but not now.

Ok, so when we get home, I had to run to the bathroom so I asked her to watch the baby and she kept ignoring me while staring at the TV. Finally, I decided to tell her to turn off the TV. So she just started screaming at me and saying she hates me.

I was supposed to go out tonight with DH. She was supposed to babysit and in exchange, I was giving her money to go to the movies tomorrow. DH and I are seeing the movie tonight. Movies here are expensive, as in $9.50 per ticket and we give them money for snacks too. I guess I said we are going to the movie tonight, but based on her nasty mood, we will not be going after all.

I know kids her age can be rude and such, but I have always kept a lot of discipline here (btw, she is grounded from her computer for one week over this). In her case, she can be great for a few weeks and then nasty and mean for a little bit, then back to great.

Does this sound normal to you or do you think that maybe she has a mood disorder that she should be seen for? Or a mood disorder to keep watching out for?

I need to add what happened earlier. Previously, she played cello for 2 years. Then she picked up viola last year. So, she has 2 years of cello and half a year of viola total. (started cello fall 2008 and got her viola Christmas 2009 and started lessons a little while later). Both her instructors told her she needs to pick one and drop the other. I guess the strings or something is in opposite directions or something, they explained it better. So, she loves the viola better, clearly. She had been complaining about the cello in recent times. She picked the viola. But then earlier today, when she wanted me to come in and talk to her, she was bawling because she felt she was too old to change instruments.

I need to add more, just now, she came in, acting all sweet and I told her to please leave and she asked me why did I seem angry with her. ummmm...because she just got done screaming at me and such.

I do stay calm and cool with everything. I do stay fair and consistent with consequences. She does have a computer because she needed it for school, but I does not have stuff like cell phones and such so I am not spoiling her at all.

I am suspecting a specific mood disorder that I have seen in dh's family. In my family, we have depression that runs, but that is not what I am thinking is going on as it seems to be swings.

Does this sound like normal teenaged angst? or something more?

Thank you!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 10:08pm
It's hard to say whether this is normal or not, but if you are seeing hints of something more, than it certainly won't hurt to have your DD assessed. Good luck and hopefully it will turn out to be normal 14 yo immaturity combined with hormones.
Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 10:13pm
I had her evaluated 2 years ago because she used to have auditory processing disorder and the audiologist suggested a psychologist of sorts who dealt with other learning disabilities and at that psychologist, they said "watch for emerging mood disorders." She was a bit moody when she was there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 10:22pm
Well, there you go then. I'd book an appointment with the psychologist and let her know that there's new stuff going on. She can figure out whether anything needs to be done or it's just uber-hormones.
Avatar for vegiemama
Community Leader
Registered: 01-06-2000
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 12:00am
It sounds like, if you're seeing signs of something specific, you should have her evaluated.


Sue
Homeschooling mom to DD15 & DS11

CL of Homeschooling, Signature Showcase, Ectopic Loss, and Fertility Charting

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 7:14am

It's hard to say for sure. It might be the age in part, and it might be changing needs. I can't imagine just "walking in" and using either of my dds' bedrooms without talking to them. I know that every household is different, but most teenagers need some privacy. Now, I DO walk in and out of my dss' room (they're 8 and 10) and the dds do as well, but still - they're not teenagers and their needs are different. I wouldn't expect a teen to treat her 6year old brother in the way (as far as privacy) as she would like to be treated.


OTOH, some of her other behavior sounds wildly unacceptable. The behavior at Taco Bell actually worries me the most. First of all, WHY is she even with her brother? Even

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 8:18am
If mood disorders are a possibility and you're concerned, have her professionally evaluated. But the possibility also exists that what you're seeing is normal 14 y/o moods compounded by "I'm the only girl and I'm entitled to special treatment and I want all of everyone's attention, but only on my terms." It's possible to spoil teens without buying them a lot of expensive clothes and toys. In the days before 3/4 of teens had "mood disorders" these kids were simply considered to have a lack of discipline. Spending hours in a teen's room and still hearing that you spend no time with her? Yet has a fit that you're "always in her room"? Intruding when her brother is asking about applying for a job? Why is she even THERE when her brother is trying to find work? Getting all wrapped up in college choices (another thread) when this is her brother's time to do that? Hmmm... me, me, me....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 8:25am

I would take her in for an evaluation.

The "I want you....but on my terms" is most worrisome to me.

And if the professional tells you it is just hormones.....that is okay too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 11:23am

I am not really sure, just from this description. I do remember that when my DD was 13-14 and just starting her period, she (& all her friends, accd. to their moms) were pretty moody. She could switch from being happy to sad & back at the drop of a hat. We could be having an argument that would leave me all upset and 1/2 hr later, she was recovered and happily chatting w/ a friend while I'd be upset for the night. So I could see that the alternating w/ wanting you around and then telling you to get out of her room isn't that strange.

I do think that she seems to seek a lot of attention--like making the emphasis on where she wants to go to college when it's older brother's time to be applying, not hers and because he is old enough to get a job, then she wants to have one. Have they always been competitive? I can't really imagine my DD trying to horn in on getting a job when she knew she wasn't old enough (of course she's the older one and there's such a big age diff. between my kids that those situations don't happen) but that does seem like very babyish behavior. A 14 yr old should be able to understand that if the hiring age is 15, the store isn't going to make an exception for her as opposed to all the other 14 yr olds. I also wonder about you spending hours in her room--I could see going in there to watch a movie, if she has a TV in her room, or if she's doing something & you could be working on your computer, but still, you have 2 younger kids--it's like she wants to hog all the attention, when you need to spend some time w/ the other kids in the family.

Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 1:02pm
I think you are right. I think she has been spoiled. I have had her get angry due to not having a girls night out lately. She is 1 of 5 children, but the only girl. She is grounded right now, which is something that about never happens to her. It was supposed to be DH and I going to the movie last night and then DS and DD were going to go to the movie today. But because she was so angry last night and telling me I am preventing her from going to Yale, I ended up not going, as I did not trust her with the baby for the evening. I never told her she could not go. I told her that she can go whereever she wanted and could get in and pay for. I told her how much money I have for her education and for any place she goes, she needs to pay for above and beyond that herself.
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 2:41pm

If you could not go out to a movie after an argument with your dd, because you <> you have a WAAAAYY bigger problem than mood swings. WHY couldn't you trust her? If you fear she would ignore the baby, or worse, because she was mad at you, then this child has a SEVERE emotional disorder that needs immediate attention.

And your treatment of her goes beyond mere spoiling...

<> Your excuse is ridiculous. Paint is cheap. And even if you only RENT the house, I'm SURE the landlord would let you paint ONE bedroom. There is NO acceptable reason for your daughter to have the BIGGEST bedroom in the house --all to herself-- especially since you have 4 other children. And, IMO, the PARENTS should have the biggest bedroom.

<> Why is YOUR computer in HER bedroom? Why is ANY computer in a 14yo's bedroom? I remember you said you homeschooled her, but that is no excuse either. Allowing a child unrestricted access to a computer, in a PRIVATE setting on top of it, is neither wise nor safe.

<> First of all, why are you in there for HOURS? What requires hours of PRIVATE conversation, since <>. And what's going on with the rest of your family while you sit in your daughter's room for hours? If she MUST be near you, why can't she be near you in the kitchen, and help make dinner, or be next to you in the laundry room, folding clothes?

<> Why is she allowed to do this? What could she possibly need to be in your bedroom for, especially since she has the BIGGEST room in the house--and YOUR computer there? Why does she need to be in her brothers' rooms? And there is no reason for her to invade her brothers' space WITHOUT ASKING. An <> policy does not mean politeness, consideration, and privacy go out the window.

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