Mortified with my 14 year old son
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Mortified with my 14 year old son
| Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:30pm |
My husband and I went to dinner Sunday night and when we got home I noticed a few things in my closet had been moved. I see a certain box we keep hidden is open. My husband says he hadn't gone in there. So immediately I see whats missing, VCR tapes that we took of each other.
I go into my sons room and find them in his VCR case, I almost fainted. Why would he watch these? We have to confront him, but how can I face him after he's seen me naked, in lingerie outfits & having s*x.
Any advice would be appreciated.

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I guess you have no alternative other than to just buckle under and just do it. You and H are married adults, in a committed mutually consensual relationship and it's perfectly okay for you to make videos of yourselves having sex if that's what you want to do.
I might state something to that affect in the beginning, but then I would focus more on the violation of your privacy. Why was your ds snooping around your room to beging with? Has he seen those before? IOW, how did he know they were there? Have you or H been less than diligent in keeping certain things private or by not discussing or referencing those materials within earshot of ds? Has he shown them to anyone?
Again, focus on his lack of respect for your privacy - not so much about the content of what he saw. It's YOUR business and he needs to know that regardless of his curiosity - he is to stay out of your stuff. And, you may want to consider a lock box in the future.
Oh I didn't even think about asking if he showed someone else. If he did I won't know what to do.
I understand teens hormones are crazy but this is over the top. What if he asks questions about what he saw?
I think that it's very important for you to draw a line and explain to him that while his curiosity is normal, it's not appropriate for you to be discussing yours and your H's sex life with him.
I think it would be appropriate for you and/or your H to sit with him and have a discussion about sex in general to answer any questions he may have, but it's extremely important to emphasize the issue of privacy and discretion. Yours and His. He has a right to explore his own sexual feelings, however, outside of his parent's bedroom. And he has a right to expect information from his parents regarding sexual issues, however, not directly related to his parent's sex lives. Likewise, you and your H have a right to keep your sex lives separate and private from any birds and bees discussion you may have with your son. You know what I mean?
And it's also important to NOT treat anything about sex as a taboo subject - you don't want your son thinking that sex is sordid. It's a natural thing when experienced between two consenting adults in a committed relationship. IOW, you don't want your son correlating this experience and all the shame that surrounds it into his adult relationships. The message should be that sex is healthy overall but it is to be respected as well, i.e., private, etc.
Good luck~
I am not certain this is entirely normal, but I want you to know you are not alone. My son (14, 15 in two weeks) did this, also. He was snooping in our room when we were not home looking for DVD's (we have a few R rated movies that we keep in our room because we don't want the kids grabbing one to watch) and found a cassette that said for your eyes only.
Anyway, DH and I found out because our daughter (5) walked in and found him watching the movie. I almost died! DH talked to him and found out that he had watched it quite a few times and that he had not been able to control himself because he had been having dreams about me. We ended up taking him to a counselor because I did not know what else to do. I would have been sick at my stomach if I had seen my parents doing those things.
Michelle
PS for clarification he is actually my step-son, but I have raised him since he was very small so he is mine for all intents and purposes.
themomok thank you for replying. We had a talk with him over the weekend and it seems we have the same problem. He's been doing this for quite a while and goes thru my stuff quite frequently. He added that alot of friends do this as well, I'm too embarrassed to ask my friends if they have the same problem.
He didn't seem embarrassed one bit and said he enjoyed viewing. My husband was really ticked off so I ended the conversation and spoke to him yesterday after school. He was more open with me and informed me of what he did while viewing, not what I wanted to hear.
I'm gonna have to decide what to do.
This is just too bizzare.... most kids would rather die than to consider that their parents might have (OMG!!!) SEX!
Therapy has done wonders for my son! It took us a little while to find the right therapist, but once we did it really helped a LOT! I encourage you to make some phone calls and find a therapist that has dealt with teens with these issues in the past, with success!
Let us know what happens,
Michelle
Lol.. Rose..
Talk about mortified.
I’m been mortified just reading this thread.
This is either a hoax or some poor child is in need of some serious boundary counseling.
I’ve never heard of a 14 yr. old boy that wasn’t absolutely disgusted by the thought of their parents having sex. The rest is just.....over the top.
No disrespect to themomok. I suppose step children can bring an entirely different set of emotions and confusion. I’m pleased to hear counseling was effective for you.
D
I am never any good at spotting posts that are a little too far out there. People are so different and I always just assume that their post is real. Now, I feel like a fool!
Michelle
Don't feel like a fool, we have my son in councling now and are starting to understand the situation. He let us know that it wasn't us that made him watch, he said the tapes were different b/c it looked real and not like the movies. Also, the tapes are a little dark so its not like he sees my face clearly.
The couselor met with us to say interest is quite common in teen boys and that we must not make him feel abnormal. My son is pretty comfortable talking at the group session, although I wished he had left out some details of his activities.
Michelle your advice on this matter is greatly appreciated.
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