To mothers ot teen sons...
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To mothers ot teen sons...
| Mon, 12-03-2007 - 11:09am |
I have a 12 yo DS who is still in that really sweet kid stage--he is constantly hugging me, saying "I love you", etc.

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I feel that my DS and I have a pretty good relationship.
My son is an only child,
My DS is 13 and I was just thinking this morning that this 'no longer a boy, not yet a man' phase is rather bittersweet.
I suspect that your DS wants to spend more time with his dad because he's a guy, not because you're lacking something as a parent - well, other than the obvious "guy" thing.
First, let me say that it is wonderful your DS can still visit his grandma twice a month. We moved from WI to MI when our boys were 2 and 8, and although they didn't miss my parents, I can see the move left a void, esp. for the younger one. (About 5 years after we moved my parents could no longer make the long drive, and our work & school schedules allowed for only a few visits a year.) I think the more family kids can grow up with, the better.
When our older son was your son's age, I didn't do a whole lot with him. He always had tons of friends and mostly just needed me to provide transportation. When our quieter, younger son was that age, I played chess with him, occasionally watched movies, took him clothes shopping (he's almost as fussy about clothes as a girl) and drove him all over for soccer. The car rides are good for conversation as long as the boys are not plugged into their iPods.
Once they start driving, everything changes. That's when it's hard to keep a close connection with them. And that's also when it's important to have a male figure around. It's good your ex is close and that they have a good relationship.
How are things now with our sons? I get calls from DS24 more than from DS18 who's learning the independence thing. Our older son calls with both good news and bad, or for advice, about once a week. (No more calls for money...yeah!) We call DS18 almost daily, but often talk for only one minute. Last night his ex?gf made him call me right back to say "I love you" cuz she didn't hear him end with it. I think I like her!
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
That's great about your DS.
Sorry, I took a little offense when you said he's only therefore lonely. I am an only, and have an only ds15 by choice - and neither of us are lonely. I'd say your ds might have some time getting used to the other sibs being gone, but otherwise...(nuff said, off my soapbox)
Anyway, ds15 and I watch all the horrible movies together -dh has no interest in The Grudge or Saw or The Hills Have Eyes or their multiple sequels. So ds and I do that. DS is taking German so we watch German movies together. We play Scrabble together, mostly at my parents' when we visit. We cook and bake together (he loves doing that; not so much lately with the school load, but he wants to get some culinary classes outside of college). We watch House, and Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader, and he's asked for the DVD game of that for Christmas for fun. We listen to music, he shows me You Tube videos, etc. He confides in me (at least so far!). It's great fun; I did the same with my mom (my dad traveled a lot). In scouts we've gone on outings together; the last major one was 2 summers ago to the Boundary Waters in Canada - I was one of the 4 adults in our crew (and only female on the whole trip). It's great - you really can do whatever you want. I'm still great buds with my mom, and we pick up where we left off when we make the 300 mile trip.
Sue, never a lonely only
DS loves me to sit down and watch STUPID shows with him like Family Guy, and regular shows like Pushing Daisies, Reaper, etc. Occasionally I take him out for a meal - just the two of us. He also still shares a lot of his life with me, and will confide about problems/issues of his friends. I'm very lucky because DS has not shut me out, (at least not yet LOL) and seems to enjoy spending some time with me. I also signed us up (me, DH and DS) for a cheap gym so we can work out together.
Lisa
I forgot to also say that I think you are right about the Grandma thing. My kids see my Mom quite often. She only lives about 15 min from us. She is 83 and who knows how long we will have her.
I think the idea of letting him have the extra time with Dad is a good one, but have him come home soon enough to have some time with you too.
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