motivating a teen

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2005
motivating a teen
1
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 3:22pm

My older son is 13. He is very unmotivated to do anything. From schoolwork to his "love" of baseball, he does nothing to help himself improve. For example, I have enrolled him in private pitching lessons and he does NOTHING outside of the lesson to improve himself. Similarly, he is a smart kid but is a typical "doesn't apply himself." I am considering counseling for him. I think he is a first-born perfectionist who is afraid to fail or to try in case he cannot do it right the first time.

Does anyone have any ideas for me? He is unorganized and forgetful and I cannot find a way to motivate him to take pride in things he does well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 11:00am

We always attach rewards to grades. Ice cream for the whole family if one child made straight A's. Occassionally, DH would give DD a dollar for a homerun in a softball game or a quarter for every basket she made in a basketball game. These were special occassions. Last year, she took the ACT and didn't do very well so she took it again in the fall. DH told her he would give her $5 for every point she brought it up. Unfortunately, she went down in her overall score. Some might call this bribery but hey we would give her the money anyway so why not make things a little more fun and interesting for her.

Also I will make cards for her when she studies really hard or let her stay out a little later on Fri night if she did something extra special nice during the week. If she's disrepectful during the week but not enough to really punish her, I'll expect her home a little early or she will have to spend some quality time with me on Sat afternoon. Alot of subtle praise goes a real long way.

I will also say that she has ADD and was put on medication a couple of years ago. She's extremely intelligent and makes A's in honor courses but according to the guidance counselor at her school doesn't qualify for extra time on the ACT (b/c she makes good grade in her classes). The medication made all the difference in the world for her. She was so frustrated in class that she just quit trying. I also had to work with her and teach her study habits that would work best for her.

Good Luck!