my 13 year old is out of control!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
my 13 year old is out of control!
2
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 10:59pm

I'm new to the boards.
My name is Robyn and I am mom to 3. Alex 13, Breeana 8, and Samuel 10 mo.

Well my 13 y/o has been getting into so much trouble this past school year.
He was placed in an alternative school for taking a switchblade to school, which he says he found in my father's truck.

I was hoping he would improve once placed in the new school. NO WAY!

He ditched classes, even though the school has a 15 foot fence around it.
He jumped out the back of a moving school bus, so he could ditch school. Then the next week he got into a fist fight in class.

We had court today over the bus and fight incidents. He plead guilty and was given 70 hours of community service and I was ordered to attend parenting classes, and had to pay $140 in court fees. If he doesnt complete the community service by August I have to pay $600 in fines.

Well the judge also suggested taking away EVERY privelege he has. So I came home and took his cell phone, his phone in his room, his Xbox, and stereo away. He said if I didnt give them back, he would just continue to get into trouble and hopes I go to jail for his behavior.

I have just about given up on him, but I cant. I have no idea what to do next.

Please help!!!
Any suggestions or advice??

Thanks for reading.

Robyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 8:14am

First, you need to find out what you (and your son) are really dealing with. He needs a complete neuro-psych evaluation with a professional who deals with teens. He also needs a drug screening. Once the results from both assessments come in, you will be given help and direction. Right now it sounds like you are flying blind.

Also, you might want to hop over to the Troubled Teens board here on ivillage.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 8:17am

Hugs to you, I'm sorry your son is being so difficult. There are resources available to you, however, and you should first contact your school's guidance dept and find out what types of programs are available for difficult teens. You could also visit the Troubled Teens board, link below: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-pstroubled?redirCnt=1.

You will meet a lot of parents there who have BTDT and can offer you many advice or at least lend an understanding ear.

There is a book called "The Difficult Child". I believe it has been updated with new information and techniques.

I personally do not think any child should have a phone, tv, or xbox in their room. Stereo yes, everything else belongs in the family room forever, not just as punishment. It can be an inconvenience at times, but that's life. I also believe that we need to allot a certain time of day for those activities, including computer use. The kids need to have guidelines and restrictions so they can learn how to monitor thier down time.

I don't, however, believe in taking away everything. I think that even the difficult child needs to have access to something, ONE thing he/she enjoys. What are his talents? What are his interests? Do you have any local farms nearby where he can maybe start working on Saturdays or afterschool to make his own money, help pay off this debt he's incurred? Working is a very good way for him to learn to be responsibile for himself and help him feel like he's doing something worthwhile and meaningful. Just a thought. Is there a Big Brother program you could look into? Sometimes when family can't reach a difficult child, an outsider can. So even if he has a father, a Big Brother can provide a different type of relationship that is less restrictive while at the same time being an adult in his life who is responsible, KWIM?

Check you local phone book for Big Brothers program and I strongly urge you to get him into a counseling program. He's still young enough to save from a life of problems and run-ins' with the law. Good luck - check out that other board.