My 15 (almost 16)year old wants to live w dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2011
My 15 (almost 16)year old wants to live w dad
15
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 11:03pm

I'm new to this board but I'm having a problem that needs some good advice so please feel free! My son (whos almost 16) has lived w me for 4 years. before that he had lived w his dad for 6 years so we have had alot of equal time raising him. Well he was diagnosed w type 1 diabetes when he was 12 and at that time I felt it was best for him to come home and live w me. (Too many reasons

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 09-10-2011 - 10:00am

I think if you feel he will be unsupervised using drugs and not taking his insulin, then you should not let him go--it's still your responsibility to keep him safe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2011

Thanks so much for the insight. i needed another party on the outside to look into our situation and now I know I'm doing the right thing. I don't want to keep him from his father but things are bad enough just when he goes over there for weekends. his dr has already told him with his glucose levels as high as they have been it will only take a few more years before there's real irreversable damage( and that's w me constantly reminding to bolus, bs checks, and

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

Your son has a life-threatening disease that will always have the potential to kill him. That's just a bald fact. At his age, he needs to be in a place where he can develop the lifelong self-care habits that he needs not only to thrive, but to survive. If he won't listen to you, his doctor or some other knowledgeable person needs to put the fear of God in him. Getting drunk or high could kill him. It's that simple.

And since most teens think they're impervious to death, he needs to hear about the other things that could happen to him at a young age: blindness, stroke, loss of limbs, erectile dysfunction, etc. That last one oughtta scare him a bit.

His dad sounds incredibly cavalier about this whole thing. As the father of a kid with a life-threatening disease, he should be right there with you doing his best to keep your son safe. Most teens are curious about drugs and alcohol, but for some the consequences of experimenting are much more risky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
great post ashmama, really important points. ITA with yours and music's post. To the OP good luck with this, I know this has to be incredibly difficult, but you sound like a loving, wonderful mom and I know you will do what you need to do to keep your child safe. Are you able to get his Dad to join in with the counselling?

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2011

Counseling w dad sounds great in theory but he wont even talk to me. He's still angry I took him 4 years ago when he was diagnosed. My husband was the 1st to notice his symptoms and I brought it up to my ex numerous times to take him to a dr. I even said I think he has diabetes after doing some research but it wasn't till my sis in law (who is also type 1 let me use her meter to check my sons blood that we found out). the dr sayed a few days to weeks and my son could've died!!I could have gone about things differently but at the time I was so scared for him and my son already expressed he wanted to come home that I did what I felt I had to. Now I know it was the best decision based on how he's handeling our son but it just hurts so bad. I used to feel so close to him where he would tell me everything(almost) and now I feel like I'm his enemy. I told him I loved him and he didn't say anything. Anyway we are going to a diabetic educator who is telling him about all the complications that are only a few years away if his A1c tests dont improve(A test to give an average glucose level for 3 months).A normal range is 6 or 7.Anything over that will eventually cause damage(his last one was 11.1) and hasnt been under 8 in 2 years. I really do talk to him about it and he rolls his eyes. Now I just tell him check your blood and bolus hoping that he'll eventually do it on his own soon.Thanks for all your encouraging words ppl!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
I just wanted to chime in about the diabetes. I see that you have arranged counseling for him and that's great. Something else you should do is to arrange a visit to the doctor for the purpose of the doctor advising him how to drink/party responsibly. Alcohol lowers blood sugar, potentially to deadly low levels, and if he's using pot then he'll probably be eating when he hasn't planned to (due to munchies).

As much as it pains us parents to think about our teens drinking or doing drugs, he especially needs to know the risks and how to avoid them. I'm type 2 diabetic, not type 1, but for me, I NEVER drink on an empty stomach. And I test before, during, and after. I don't know what his doctor will advise for him, but it will probably be along the lines of don't do it BUT if you do, then make sure you have a high-carb snack (to counter a low) and don't give in to the munchies (to avoid a high). Have insulin with you, and test, test, test.
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 11:23am

A 6-7 A1C is NOT a normal range.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
I have a childhood friend who was dx at age 19 with Type 1. He's 41 now and looks about 70. He's got ulcers on his feet that won't heal, has been told that he will likely lose his toe (due to the non-healing ulcers), and has lost complete vision (temporarily) more than once. He has this red, blood blister looking thing on the white of his eye (it's really gross). His son, at age 11, found him lying on the kitchen floor in a coma and saved his life by calling 911. Scared the crap out of his son, though. My friend can no longer work (not for a long time) and lives a meager life on a disability pension.

This guy is living proof that there are consequences to not keeping your blood sugar at healthy levels. I hope that the OP is able to impress upon her son that his life will suck if he doesn't.

The flip side to this story is that I've met type 1s on message boards who have been dealing with diabetes for decades (like 40+) and are the picture of health. This IS a manageable disease.
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

<<>>

So very true.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

Your friend's

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