My 17 year old daughter is a criminal. How do I get her out my house today?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
My 17 year old daughter is a criminal. How do I get her out my house today?
40
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 8:00pm

This past

w/r,

OmegaBruh

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

I have to agree with your wife. She is 17-close to legal age-I would bite the bullet, give residential a try and wait for what you are thinking for another year or so. You are angry now-understandably-but you may regret this later

This is assuming you have a choice. I don't know that the legal issues here won't make the decision for you(selling is bad news)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008

Hasen't anyone ever pressed charges with that history? I would assume yes. How does she get out of it every time? QUIT. Thats it.

One of my 3 girls pulled this crap too. When she called me because she had been busted with a group of girls shoplifting and they all ran out the back and now she was afraid to show her face on the street because the police were looking for her? I told her to turn herself in. If she came home I would call them to come get her. Next episode a few years later she called asking me to come pick her up- she should have been in school but had wrecked a car she stold. WE didn't have cell phones- I told her she obviously has a method to call somebody, best call the police.

You have an awful lot of information about all that she's been doing- TURN HER IN.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

Your wife is right

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008

Thanks for the great advice.

w/r,

OmegaBruh

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
Since I posted this message, we have learned that the dollar amount stolen from the choir's dressing room is $500.

w/r,

OmegaBruh

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
Did your brother try the military? How did he support himself for 30 years?

w/r,

OmegaBruh

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
I've read your post a couple of times & don't feel qualified to respond but based on my own son's problems, I will try. These are the actions that I know my son did & I'm sure there are many more that he didn't get caught for. He did drugs (you name, he tried it), drank - 1 DUI & 2 cars written off, ran up a huge food/drink bill & walked out without paying (our 1st meeting with the police) and was arrested for driving a stolen van. He didn't steal it as it was stolen 4 days earlier when he was in another city with us. We made him plead guilty in both situations when he was arrested & charged (van at 16 & DUI at 21). This was the condition required to have us continue with our support. I also made him pay back the legal costs which meant getting his first full time summer job at 16. That entire 8 wks of earnings came directly to me. Didn't have problems collecting the money as he was always remorseful afterwards. As part of his sentencing with the van charges, he was required to enter a rehab program (for his 17th birthday) which was a battle but well worth it. He learned a lot there of what I would call negative knowledge but he did learn to deal with his addiction which had started at 15. He also gained some self confidence. He stopped using drugs and rarely drank.

Our lives were much better after that program but he still got drunk at 19 when a girlfriend cheated on him & wrote off my car. At that point, we were about to kick him out but he was remorseful & paid us back for the car. He is 24 & still won't tell us what happened. My husband heard the car come home at 4 am & it sounded funny. Looked outside & saw it smashed on all 4 sides, 4 flat tires & the body was off the frame part way. We know it couldn't have been driven far in that condition. We called the police but nothing had been reported as being hit. Assume he went off roading and hit several trees. Now it was time to pay us back for this car & go into counseling again or leave our home. He chose to stay & so paid & went back into counseling.

At 21, he went out with friends to a downtown club. They had booked a hotel room for afterwards so no drinking & driving. He got separated from his friends and got into a confrontation with 3 other guys. He took off & they followed, he ran to his car & took off but was extremely drunk. He smashed into 2 cement posts writing off the car. We understood that he was frightened but it didn't excuse his actions. So we stood behind him but he was required to sign a legal document stating that he would be charged with thief & owe us $5000 if he ever drove our cars again. That was the turning point in our son's life. He ended up being offered a deal to plead guilty to careless driving due to some mistakes made by the arresting police. His lawyer said to turn it down as they would win the DUI. I said plead guilty if you want to come home. He pleaded guilty and I have seen a new person in the last 3 yrs. Again, we discussed his leaving home but he presented us with an action plan that included going to university part time, getting a new full time job as he lost the one he had when he had the accident as he was off work for 4 wks recovering. He also presented us with a repayment plan for the legal fees. This was the 1st time we had ever seen him do this type of analysis & make commitments like this. He rarely drinks & if so, never more than 2 beers or 2 glasses of wine. He hasn't been to club since the accident. He hasn't driven in 3 yrs. He & his fiancee just brought a car & he won't be driving it before this summer as the insurance is too expensive with the careless driving charge still on the books.

As a child, our son struggled with right & wrong. It he wanted something, he took it. It something felt good, he did it. He never seemed worried about getting in trouble. He would do the time then go right back out and do whatever he wanted again. He lied constantly & he was good at it. He has been in counseling since he was 12.

First, find a way to get your daughter into a treatment program even though she will learn a lot about how to continue with her stealing & how to continue to manipulate you & others. There is good in those programs & even if they don't want to participate, they get value from them. She needs help as she does have some mental issues. Secondly, turn her in & make her plead guilty to all the charges. Stand behind her & support her if she cooperates. If she doesn't, then that is a tough decision as she is only 17. I had told my son that he had a home until he turned 18 but that at 18, I wasn't putting up with his behaviour. Don't ever give up on her even if you must stop her from living with you. Always love her as a parent's love should be unconditional but you don't have to like her or accept what she does.

Good luck to you & your family. I don't know if you have other children too. This is hard on all relationships within the family. My husband wanted to evict our son when he first started having problems at 15. It caused many a battle between us. He was the more understanding one with the 2 cars being written off. Those I found hard to deal with as I've never been drunk & have strong feelings about drinking & driving. My proudest moment came 2 yrs ago when my son took me out for lunch on Mother's Day alone (I have 2 older kids) and gave me a card (my first in 10 yrs) where he thanked me for never giving up on him, for always being there for him and for always loving him in spite of his terrible actions. We have talked several times over the last 2 years about what he went through as a child & teen and he doesn't know what drove him. He believes that there was nothing anyone could have done to stop his behaviour and that it was something he had to deal with himself. He resents that his behaviour has delayed his life. He is 24 and doesn't have his high school education. He has had to take the harder route to obtain an education & he is just starting to work on his future as his friends are graduating from college & university.

Good luck to you, but please get some expert advice and don't put money before your daughter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2010

After reading this I am now somewhat concerned about by youngest daughter. At 9 she occasionally steals if she wants something and really doesn't seem to understand that you just can't take what is not yours. It is usually just gum or

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

The military doesn't take people with criminal records, as far as I know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

The military doesn't take people with criminal records, as far as I know.

It depends on how much trouble they're having when it comes to filling the ranks - recruiters all have "goals" for shipping x number of people to boot camp every month.

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