My 17 year old daughter is a criminal. How do I get her out my house today?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
My 17 year old daughter is a criminal. How do I get her out my house today?
40
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 8:00pm

This past

w/r,

OmegaBruh

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

That's really interesting, if a little scary. I'm not sure upstanding military families (who probably make up the vast majority) should have to put up with thugs serving alongside their kids. Not that my brother was a thug, but I'm sure he'd have ripped off his bunkmates or something.

Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001

Legally, until she turns 18 yrs old, she is your problem. You have to pay her expenses. I think you need to check your insurance, it likely will pay for treatment. Have you done any family counseling? I am not sure which came first, your hate and anger toward her, or her bad behavior. I suspect they are hand in hand. If you think you are too perfect or too good, and you most certainly will not be the one in counseling, then you need to take a good long look in the mirror. I do not believe in coddling children. I know you are unhappy right now and what she has done is wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

That's really interesting, if a little scary. I'm not sure upstanding military families (who probably make up the vast majority) should have to put up with thugs serving alongside their kids. Not that my brother was a thug, but I'm sure he'd have ripped off his bunkmates or something.

You don't even want to know how much stuff my guys have had stolen by their "brothers in arms." Back in 05 (good economy, lots of anti-war sentiment in the country) there was a lot of talk among military families of gang activity in the ranks... somehow gang members were supposedly managing to enlist and learn better/more effective ways of fighting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

I am not sure which came first, your hate and anger toward her, or her bad behavior.

This thought occurred to me also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think the court system might be getting your DD out of the house because she might be going to jail--I wonder how she has been able to get away w/ a lifetime of stealing and has not had any consequences.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
Thanks for sharing your story. It is quite helpful. Amazing your stuck w/ your son and didn't kick him out. It was great to read how he came up w/ a game plan to improve and pay you back. You said not to let money come before my daughter. Well, conceptually I hear you. But practically speaking, you cannot get blood from a turnip. I do not have an extra $6000/month. I still have to pay $700 for the most recent drug treatment program. I have two other kids to consider as well. I refuse to go into debt. I hope that the judge orders some therapy and the State pays for it.

w/r,

OmegaBruh

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
My wife will tell you that our daughter never responded to being yelled at or even spanked. She simply turned up the volume and did more. We have taken things away, like cell phone usage. She hates that. But its not a deterant. She will just steal money and go buy her own cell phone. Of if she is prevented from going to a party, she will get pissed and go unstairs to listen to loud rap music. She'll seem to get over it, but then run away a week later.

For the longest time, I've wanted to strip her room of everything but a mattress, or take off her door. My wife did not think it would help and our kid would just get revenge. One time i did take away all her jeans and "man clothes." (She is an out butch lesbian). I left nothing but skirts and dresses. All she did was get replacement clothes from friends, and stole others. In short, no punishment has ever been enough for her to stop. I've also felt that what she needed, at times, was a good old fashioned ass-kicking. But that is not an option. So I have no ideas. We have done therapy of some sort since grade school.

w/r,

OmegaBruh

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
Some family counseling, yes we have. My SD did not like it, because the tone was "these are your parents, and you must honor and obey them, so says the Lord." That was the therapist's message. Not mine.

I think the bad behavior came first, coupled w/ what is probably my unrealistic expectation of how kids should behave. I was smitten with Raven Samone on Cosby. She was cute and precocious (sp?). Yes, I know its tv. But my SD was the complete opposite. Very much into being thug and hardcore, getting in trouble at school, bad attitude, very disrespectful etc. I should have been more tolerant. But this kid was WILD. Very little structure. Like I said before, she had been kicked out of TWO preschools for bad behavior before I even came along. She never learned from her mistakes either. She would do the same things over and over again, and get caught. Dinner time conversation was about her and the horrific email we got from a teacher. Lying started early in life. For example, lying about homework. Amazingly, day after day there would be none, so she said. Come to find out it was BS. One of my earliest memories is from when she was around 6. Teacher called me in to tell me how my SD was jumping on the desks during class. Literally jumping on the desks! Her and another boy who was known as the class trouble-maker. The kid you would tell your kid not to hang around. My SD was attracted to him like iron to a magnet! Anyway, I kept hoping it was a phase, and it never was. Around 4th grade she was a school crossing guard. I was so proud. She left home early wearing the sash. Well appearantly after about 2 weeks she got fed up w/ the job. She would continue to leave the house early w/ the sash on, but would go to the Mobil station, hang out and buy junk food. This went on for weeks. (no, she wasn't concerned w/ dissapointing me) Then she expected to go to the pizza party given to the other crossing guard boys and girls as a reward! I could go on and on w/ examples of how her character, who she is a person, is rather sad.

w/r,

OmegaBruh

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
No. No self fufilling prophecy. I NEVER (honest) make comparisons about the kid w/ my genes. My SD does though. Says I treat my bio kid diffrerent. Well, I do. They are two different people. Different does not mean better. No rule that all kids must be treated the same. But all are treated fairly. My SD will disagree. For instance, its not fair that we don't allow her to go to these dangerous teen nightclub parties.

Anyway, my 7 year old has never gone to family therapy with us. And my SD does see herself as the trouble maker. But she is, sad to say.

Question: is it just in America that folk are so gosh-darn "therapy" happy? If I had a dollar everytime someone says "your family needs therapy" I'd be rich. Even the therapist tells us that things will be better at home when SD goes away to college. (like taking the thorn out the lion's paw) Well, no more college since the scholarship was taken away.

w/r,

OmegaBruh