Is she right in that you treat them differently. rules should be the same for all.
I normally would agree with "rules should be the same for all" but OP is looking at a 10 year age difference between DSD and the oldest bio child. It's really hard to make the rules the same for all when there's that much of a gap.
"One time i did take away all her jeans and "man clothes." (She is an out butch lesbian). I left nothing but skirts and dresses."
I kept trying to formulate something helpful to say after my tantrum, but this comment pretty much answered any other question I may have had. Very telling.
I had my head-exploding moment here
I really don't have an answer here but it definitely sounds like something is wrong w/ your DSD--whether it's a psychological problem, ADD or whatever..I don't have the ability to diagnose that, but it's not normal for children to get "kicked out" of preschools.
Lots of good points musiclover12!
To me that would indicate that he's uncomfortable w/ her being a lesbian and that's part of a deeper issue w/ why he doesn't like her or that they don't have a good relationship, because it's really irrelevant to the other issues mentioned.