My 17 year old daughter is a criminal. How do I get her out my house today?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
My 17 year old daughter is a criminal. How do I get her out my house today?
40
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 8:00pm

This past

w/r,

OmegaBruh

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
I am impressed w/ your sacrafice. Actually speechless. I am sorry, but I cannot even imagine selling my house so I could afford to quit my job and stay home. I will have to deal with God on this one. Seriously. I am tired, I have been through alot, and I have two other kids who should not have to suffer. Glad you can afford to loose 50k but I cannot. God forgive me. My health is suffering. My marriage is falling apart. God forgive me for not wanting to give up my career to stay home and homeschool. I am tired. Its been 10 years. I know I need the Holy Spirit. I know the Lord does not give more than I can bear. But I need some relief.

I just feel that if she hits rock bottom (juvi, kicked out) she will have a turn around.

w/r,

OmegaBruh

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
I'm sorry that you are going through all of this. It's exhausting, frustrating & in many ways frightening. And yes we are very focused on counseling but until your DSD turns 18, you are legally responsible for her. I believe you are morally responsible forever. Kicking your DSD out is taking the risk of having her destroy her life totally to survive or even worse die. Are you prepared to live with the consequence of your decisions if something terrible happens. If she can't make mature decisions now, what will she do on her own? I know it's not easy but I never felt that I was sacrificing anything. You just do what you have to do, get through each day, hope the next day will be better & material things aren't a priority. My day will come if I can continue to work to 70 as I didn't give up my career.

I also agree that God never gives us anything we can't handle but he also gave us these children and we need to do what we can to raise them. I only got through all of DS's behaviour because of my beliefs. I was responsible for raising my child to be the best person he could be. I have 3 kids too but my DS was the youngest. To help us get through what we needed to do, my older two worked part time & paid for their own university to help us out. The money we lost on our cars was a terrible blow especially to my husband who had saved for 10 yrs to buy a new car. When the police called to tell him that my DS written the car off, my DH was crying so hard on the phone I was sure DS was dead. My car was used when we brought it and I drove it after both accidents until they said it was too unsafe but we needed to save money to buy another. We lived on a very tight budget before DS's behaviour started & it was even tighter after.

Have you asked yourself what you will do if your bio kids behave like your DSD? Is she right in that you treat them differently. rules should be the same for all. I'm a stepdaughter and my stepfather never treated me with any respect, interest or compassion. His focus was on my Mom & his kids, he just wanted me to go away. He came into my life at 18 & by 19 I no longer had a home. I was a really good kid as my Dad was unwell during my teens. Never drank, did drugs, skipped school unlike his kids. I just wasn't his blood.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
I'm sorry to hear of all your troubles with that girl... Hell, my 21 y.o. son is currently in prison and it doesn't sound like he's done 1/10 of the things your stepdaughter has. I find it hard to believe she's not in jail already. At the rate she's going, I would think it wouldn't be long. May I ask you your opinion of her homosexuality? Do you think that affects what's happening here? Not just your opinion, but her acting out like she has? I ask because you said one of your punishments was to leave her only dresses and such. Why did you pick that punishment? What message were you trying to send her?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

Is she right in that you treat them differently. rules should be the same for all.

I normally would agree with "rules should be the same for all" but OP is looking at a 10 year age difference between DSD and the oldest bio child. It's really hard to make the rules the same for all when there's that much of a gap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008

"One time i did take away all her jeans and "man clothes." (She is an out butch lesbian). I left nothing but skirts and dresses."

I kept trying to formulate something helpful to say after my tantrum, but this comment pretty much answered any other question I may have had. Very telling.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

I had my head-exploding moment here

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
OMG, I'm freaking here. I didn't agree with "the tone was "these are your parents, and you must honor and obey them, so says the Lord." I don't challenge someone's religious beliefs unless they are abusive. I assumed this was a minister or lay person since omegabruh doesn't seem to believe in spending money on counseling or understand that a good relationship needs to exist between the individual & their counselor.

BUT the "out butch lesbian" made me blow up. What did he think he was doing by leaving dresses, changing her sexual orientation? Now we know one reason she has been stealing. He is trying to force her into clothes of his choice. Big baggy clothes are definitely better than looking like a hooker at 12. That poor child, No more reading this discussion for me as it's making me stressed for the child & I can't help her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I really don't have an answer here but it definitely sounds like something is wrong w/ your DSD--whether it's a psychological problem, ADD or whatever..I don't have the ability to diagnose that, but it's not normal for children to get "kicked out" of preschools.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

Lots of good points musiclover12!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

To me that would indicate that he's uncomfortable w/ her being a lesbian and that's part of a deeper issue w/ why he doesn't like her or that they don't have a good relationship, because it's really irrelevant to the other issues mentioned.