My daughter is being bullied!!
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| Sat, 09-09-2006 - 11:12am |
We just moved to a very small town in Idaho from Raleigh, NC. My daughter's high school where she is a freshman only has 450 kids in the whole school.
The first week went fine she met a girl named Brandee and they became friends. Well, Brandee decided to transfer to the "alternative" school, and suddenly this "gang" of girls started picking on my daughter.
They threatened to beat her up if she remained friends with Brandee. My daughter simply told her that her friends were her friends and that she was not going to fight about it.
They called my home and the mother even threatened me, for no apparent reason.
I filed 2 police reports, talked with the principal and one of the girls was suspended for 3 days.
Yesterday the sister of the girl that got suspended was shoving my daughter in the back during class and throwing things at her. I told the principal, he basically ignored it.
I am not going to take this.
Our teens and all other children deserve to learn in a safe environment, and not be afraid to go to school.
I have created an online petittion if anyone cares to sign. We must put an end to this.
Gone are the days of simple name calling, now we have to worry about weapons in our schools and the number of teens that commit suicide due to bullying is on the rise.
Let's end this NOW.
Samantha
http://www.petitiononline.com/antibull/petition.html

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I hope you aren't finding me as unsupportive because I am behind you 100% and have signed the petition. I, too, am finding some of the responses you are getting to be unsupportive if not downright attacking.
I find what you are describing as terrifying. My daughter was bullied, but not anywhere near to the degree your daughter is. We were incredibly lucky that our bully backed down, but it just as easily could have escalated as badly as your situation has.
As far as your mentioning that you moved from a big city to a small town, I understand exactly why that information was relevant and I again support you 100% because I "get it." It has nothing to do with big city attitudes or thinking that this kind of thing doesn't happen in small towns or anything else to insult small towns. It's too bad some of the others opted to view your situation from their perspective and then criticize you for it. I'm sorry that happened.
Please keep us posted and know that I am thinking of you and hope this can be resolved before it's too late.
Thank you so much for your support, it means alot to me. There is so much wrong happening in our schools today and it's not just here it's everywhere.
The people my daughter is having to deal with are very dangerous people, and I fear every day she goes to school. I am already anxious because today is Sunday and tomorrrow is another day.
I am glad she has sense enough to go to the principal and to call me, so that we can take care of it.
The principal I an tell is starting to feel that I am a thorn in his side, but if something happens to my daughter I will become a giant spear in his side, he does not know to what lengths I will go to protect her from being abused in any way shape or form.
Thanks again from the bottom of my heart
I am not totally thrilled with the school system my children attend, but honestly, I wasn't thrilled with their schools in the "big city" either. I agree that there are serious problems in all school systems.
Our current bus driver is very wreckless and I have complained about her several times. She drives incredibly fast and waits until the last second to brake (she comes down my road at least 40 mph and it's a 25 mph street). She refuses to wait until my kids are seated before she "floors it" always throwing my daughter down into her seat. I think she was spoken to because things got better for a while, but then she started driving like an idiot again. It upsets me that the school system won't do more about her and I watch very carefully. Actually, once my son moves to Middle School next year, I may start driving them to get them away from this driver (right now, the elementary and middle schools are very far apart and I can't drive them both to school and get them there on time).
My daughter received a death threat from another student last year. Apparently, the student did something that my daughter and several other girls witnessed and when asked by the teacher, acknowledged that they heard/saw him. He then spent the rest of the day making gun shapes with his hand and pretended to shoot at all these girls and verbally said he was going to kill them. He even wrote a note indicating his intention to bring a gun to school and kill the girls. When my daughter told me about this, I was on the phone immediately. I spent almost an hour on the phone with the assistance principal (he handles all issues with the students) and he told me exactly what action they had taken (10-day suspension). He assured me that the father of the boy was responding appropriately and that no one was taking the situation lightly. The authorities were also involved to make sure the boy understood that he had really, really screwed up and that he was being watched carefully. According to the AP, he was basically a good kid that just mouthed off too much. But I still worry sometimes about what he might do if provoked. My daughter actually interacts with him some, but she's very careful about what she says and does.
So while my specific situation is different, I can relate to problems like you're having and it upsets me that you can't get appropriate action from the school authorities. Like you said in a post -- does someone have to get seriously hurt or die before they'll take action?
I'll be watching for updates from you.
What an ordeal!! I can't believe they hire such irresponsible people to drive our children. That is an outrage!!
I am also outraged to hear about the death threat. What is wrong with parents? There is obviously something missing at home, when kids behave like that. If my child, even for one second behaved like a bully, she would be thrown into therapy ASAP.
People don't realize that the emotional effects of peer abuse lasts a lifetime, not just the few months or years that it goes on. It's no different than any other cycle of abuse.
I was abused by my ex-husband my daughter was 6 mos old when I left. The effects carry on although I do go to counseling on a regular basis.
I'm sorry but you ask us to sign a petition and, in my opinion, signing the petition isn't going to do very much. That's just my opinion. Having a contrary opinion does not mean I am attacking you. And also, not signing that petition does not mean I don't want to do something about bullying. I just think there are different ways to handle it depending on the situation and where you are.
I am Canadian (and many people on this board are not American) and I live in a very large city (Canada is 80% urbanized) so my area has different strategies for bullying. In my childrens' school system there are very strong anti-bullying programs, zero tolerance policies and self-defence courses for the kids. So far, they've been quite good and the kids have responded well to the program. And the wonderful thing about them is that they were all rolled out after having been initiated by people interested in developing programs to make a difference in the schools. They took action in their communities, set examples and then word of their successes made the programs more widespread. The self-defence program, for example, was started by an ex-police-officer who wanted to reach out to schools, for free, and teach kids how to defend themselves.
I want to reiterate that the best protection is often protecting oneself. Your daughter is fortunate right now to have parents looking after her and a school system that will figure it out eventually. But when she's an adult, that won't always be the case. Bullies come in many shapes and forms. So ensuring your daughter is a confident, assertive, self-assured person who doesn't tolerate being victimized is also important.
That's my 2cents.
In no way do I mean to imply that bullying is not serious. I take it very seriously! My DS7 faced a bully in first grade last year, and it made me so sad and mad that it wasn't taken more seriously than it was. So, I totally agree that bullying of all types must be taken seriously.
I also don't mean to dismiss the obvious passion you feel about this topic.
BUT, these kinds of internet message boards are often used as ways to promote an agenda or stir up emotion. I approach a post from someone new to our community very cautiously, because I've been burned (thought someone was sincere when they weren't). Since you started out with such an emotional issue and then a link to a petition, it puts up red flags for me. No insult to you, or your cause, just me being cautious.
BTW, if you are serious about making a change, a broadly worded petition to U.S. Congress won't go anywhere. If you really want to make change, contact YOUR congress person individually, or have petition signers send letters to their own congressman or woman. Change comes when political leaders are personally invested.
Sue
ITA with this post. I don't think anyone here condones bullying, or even doesn't care about it. I think that the issue is more that in your very first post on this board you present a cause and ask everyone to jump on the bandwagon with you by signing your petition. It doesn't seem like any members here know you from other boards, so it is essentially a stranger asking other strangers to support something by attaching their name to a document. Please don't think that the members are "unsupportive" if they choose not to sign your petition or agree wholeheartedly with your views.
Many parents tell their kids that on the internet, people are not always who or what they seem so it is wise to be skeptical. Even in meeting people face to face, where we have visual and audial clues about someone, it is a good idea to take things slow while we assess the person. (like your dd found out, befriending Brandee entailed more than initially met the eye) We adults need to heed that advice as well. If you decide that you want to become a part of this community and become a regular poster, the other members will get a sense of who you are and whether they share opinions and values with you. If you keep on with your mission (which likely will not be resolved quickly or easily) you might have another petition in six months, and at that time you might see a different response.
I also went to HS in The North County area of San Diego (Escondido and Carlsbad HS's), but things were alot different then, I was bullied by a girl because her ex-BF wanted to date me, but we worked things out civally.
That's what needs to be done in our schools.
This entire thread is really upsetting me for the following reasons:
First, the poster did NOT ASK people to sign the petition. She may have made a mistake in even mentioning it, but her exact words were "if anyone cares to sign." I can see how some people would interpret that as soliciting signatures, but to me, it is NOT ASKING people to sign.
Secondly, most of the posters that have taken exception to her petition have not done so in a way that describes the reasons you mention. They were done with an "it's a stupid idea that isn't going to work" attitude and "you're an idiot for thinking this is a good idea" type of insinuation. I respect what you are saying in that you need to be cautious with internet things like this, but that is NOT how some of the others have expressed their feelings. IMO, they were done in a condescending and attacking manner.
Third, one of the posters basically told her that it was her daughter's fault because she's the new kid and needs to work harder to fit into the "small town." She later shared that her son chose to follow a "city" girl's attitudes and got into all kinds of trouble, and that's her experience with "city" people that move to small towns. I'm honestly very sorry her son got into trouble, but he bears partial blame as well because he followed the "city" girl and her attitudes. It doesn't mean all of us are "big, bad city" people out to ruin their pure and wholesome small towns. But that's how she came across and it was offensive to those of us that have moved from big cities to smaller towns.
I know none of you know me either, but I have been lurking here for a while. My oldest child is 12 and therefore not yet a teen. That's why I haven't posted.
I apologize to those this post upsets (and I'm sure it will), but I was really pretty shocked at some of the responses she got to her post. I do see your point about the petition and agree with what you said, but the harshness of some of the posts took me aback.
This is my 2 cents worth and everyone is free to take it or leave it. I will add one other thing, however. I'm not sure I want to participate in this group if that's how new people that make a mistake are treated. Only a few posters offered any real support. Not very welcoming.
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