My daughter doesn't want me to come watch her cheer - why??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2011
My daughter doesn't want me to come watch her cheer - why??
16
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 9:40pm

Ok I feel like the loser mom -my daughter doesn't want me or my husband to attend any of her football games where she cheers. Her take is that this is her time (high school) and she doesn't want us there. She is a very good kid with great friends and so far hasn't gotten in any kind of trouble. She has always been a very independent spirit. Has anyone else gone through this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

I only have boys but in our small midwestern community high school football is huge. Everyone goes. Tell your dd you're going to support the local football team. She'll survive you being in the crowd ;-)

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Is this her first year cheering?

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

As Music said, it depends on the town.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Back when I was in HS, parents didn't go to the games that I remember. We didn't have a football field at our school so once we were driving, it was quite the adventure to go to the games with our group of friends. Prior to that, parents dropped us off, but didn't stay. Now here (300 miles away), at ds's HS, parents often went, but didn't sit with the kids; they socialized on their own.

Are there any other cheer parents you know that you can ask what the norm is there?

Sue
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

<<>> That was true with our kids also--even in middle school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008

Personally I find this very odd and wonder what else is going on. Just how "independent" has DD been allowed to be?

My experience (with 3 DD) has been that even if the kids have the "don't want to be seen WITH the parents" thing going on, ya know- drop me off down the street, let me walk in alone, whatever...when there's a game or performance ALL the kids sneakily or outright scan the seating looking for their parent(s) and light up or try not to appear crushed depending on if they spot them or not. I have NEVER seen a kid look angry to see their parents supporting them.

And on that "supporting" note- is she so independent that she PAYS for her own cheerleading? In every part of the country I've heard of, cheerleading is an expensive "sport". If DD dosen't want you to see that it's money well spent, she dosen't need to be doing it at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

My DD cheered for 3 years, and the first year she didn't like me sitting too close to where she was standing to cheer, said it made her nervous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Our oldest DD was into cheerleading

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Hubby and I would just as soon watch a $2 high school game as pay $150 per ticket to go watch a Cowboy game, or more recently watching our Cowboys getting slaughtered.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005

when there's a game or performance ALL the kids sneakily or outright scan the seating looking for their parent(s) and light up or try not to appear crushed depending on if they spot them or not. I have NEVER seen a kid look angry to see their parents supporting them.

I think most kids know in advance if their parents are coming and honestly, although I would agree that kids aren't mad, I've defintely known a number of kids who are just fine if their parents don't come. It may be different depending on the sport or activity - when dds did show choir, some of the parents were really overbearing- went on every road trip, sat with the kids on the bus (not up front by the coach but in the middle of the back rows where kids wanted to chat), friended them all on Facebook, ykwim... I was not a roadie parent, mainly because I had younger kids, but the dds were happy when I would come to a few competitions. I do think that they liked to have some on their own, though - NOT for any sneaky reason whatsoever, but because instead of entertainng me on breaks, they'd be with their friends (and no, I didn't expect to be entertained, but especially dd18 always wanted to make sure I was having a good time). I do think every kid is different as well. Some are nervous in front of their parents, some feel pressure, some are embarrased for stupid reasons, whatever... I don't think we have to assume there's anything nefarious going on. And my dd18, with whom I have a wonderful relationship, went through a few months phase of "drop me off a little far away" when I drove her places- I mean, in the rain, without an umbrella, she'd rather walk than have me take her to the door. I went along with it and didn't say anything and she outgrew it. Later I asked her what was going on and she said, "Um, I was a teenage idiot, obviously.... who the heck prefers to walk in the rain? Why in the world would anyone care who dropped me off?"

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