My daughter doesn't want me to come watch her cheer - why??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2011
My daughter doesn't want me to come watch her cheer - why??
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Fri, 10-14-2011 - 9:40pm

Ok I feel like the loser mom -my daughter doesn't want me or my husband to attend any of her football games where she cheers. Her take is that this is her time (high school) and she doesn't want us there. She is a very good kid with great friends and so far hasn't gotten in any kind of trouble. She has always been a very independent spirit. Has anyone else gone through this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

I've always

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
I think some of the other posters have asked some good questions that might help with the answer. My ODD started cheering as a high school freshman (she's a junior now) and I rarely went to see her cheer up until this year, but only because I had 2 small children and couldn't get a babysitter or always take them with me. It is pretty standard that a lot of the parents go, sit separately from the students, and watch and take pictures. She was always very understanding, but I know she enjoys having me there to support her.
I will say though, because some one else brought it up, it depends on the relationship between the parents and the kid. My DH (ODD's step dad) tries to go to every single one of the games now that she cheer varsity. She has specifically said she doesn't want him to go see her cheer because when she first became a cheerleader as a freshman, she overheard him make some comments to some buddies of his about her "typical cheerleader" behavior and as a former h/s and college football player he "knew" how cheerleaders were. She isn't a "typical" cheerleader, she is extremely smart, top of her class, is not "popular" and outside of cheering on the field, does not hang out with or is friends with any of the cheerleaders. She took a lot of offense to his comments, and while he has gotten much better about things and realized that she isn't like that (they have a very rocky relationship in general), she has never forgotten his comments and feels that its hypocritical of him to have said those things and then turn around and say he's going to the games "to support her". Its messy, and its hard to be in the middle personally because I see both sides of it. But, I'm just telling the story because you never know what little thing might be the reason why she may not want either of you at the games.
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Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
My dd is in tennis, hockey and lacrosse. Dh and I go to nearly everything. There are times we can't go, but we go if we can. She may say she does not want me there, but then when she has a good play, she always runs over after the game and asks if we saw that.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

I prefer high school football to pro too... at least for actually attending a game.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

It sounds like you supported your dd quite a lot--and had perfectly good reasons for when you didn't attend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

You know, for years I went to all of DD's soccer games in whatever weather.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005

when there's a game or performance ALL the kids sneakily or outright scan the seating looking for their parent(s) and light up or try not to appear crushed depending on if they spot them or not. I have NEVER seen a kid look angry to see their parents supporting them.

I think most kids know in advance if their parents are coming and honestly, although I would agree that kids aren't mad, I've defintely known a number of kids who are just fine if their parents don't come. It may be different depending on the sport or activity - when dds did show choir, some of the parents were really overbearing- went on every road trip, sat with the kids on the bus (not up front by the coach but in the middle of the back rows where kids wanted to chat), friended them all on Facebook, ykwim... I was not a roadie parent, mainly because I had younger kids, but the dds were happy when I would come to a few competitions. I do think that they liked to have some on their own, though - NOT for any sneaky reason whatsoever, but because instead of entertainng me on breaks, they'd be with their friends (and no, I didn't expect to be entertained, but especially dd18 always wanted to make sure I was having a good time). I do think every kid is different as well. Some are nervous in front of their parents, some feel pressure, some are embarrased for stupid reasons, whatever... I don't think we have to assume there's anything nefarious going on. And my dd18, with whom I have a wonderful relationship, went through a few months phase of "drop me off a little far away" when I drove her places- I mean, in the rain, without an umbrella, she'd rather walk than have me take her to the door. I went along with it and didn't say anything and she outgrew it. Later I asked her what was going on and she said, "Um, I was a teenage idiot, obviously.... who the heck prefers to walk in the rain? Why in the world would anyone care who dropped me off?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Hubby and I would just as soon watch a $2 high school game as pay $150 per ticket to go watch a Cowboy game, or more recently watching our Cowboys getting slaughtered.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Our oldest DD was into cheerleading

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

My DD cheered for 3 years, and the first year she didn't like me sitting too close to where she was standing to cheer, said it made her nervous.

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