My daughter left today

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
My daughter left today
13
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 9:40pm

After an arguement, my 16 year old daughter, Elizabeth, left today. She said some hateful things then went to her father's house (we are divorced). He said that he would let us both cool down, and we would all sit down and talk tomorrow.

Elizabeth and my relationship has been pushed to the edge this past year, she has rebelled with drinking and gives me bridged stories of her life. Out of frusteration, I read her journal, even though I had warned her that I would monitor her online sites, and found out that she has been having sex with her boyfriend, of over a year and a half. When I confronted her she cussed and screamed at me saying that she could no longer live with me. She did not lie about it, instead in a lewd and blunt way told me how she has been sleeping with him for months. The only plus was that she uses protection and is on birth control. She told me that the only reson she did live with me was because her younger sister begged her to. To top it off, she told me that she was not going to church anymore because she feels like religion is manipulative and a waste of time.

I don't know what to do with her anymore. I feel like I have been slapped in the face and like a horrible mother. A part of me just wants to let her move in with her father, they do have a close relationship and she is, has always been, and always will be, Her father's child. I just don't want to lose her (anymore) in the process. Please any advice would be appreciated.

Some Easter,

Julia

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 8:52pm

First and foremost, I would like to thank all of you for your advice. The past few days have been pretty tumultuous, but your advice has really helped and I truly appreciate it.

After all sitting down, we have decided to have Elizabeth move in with her father. We were all very rational in the conversation and for the first, in a very long time, I actually had a meaningful conversation with my daughter. Her father is a great dad. He cares deeply about her education to the point where he won't accept a "B" from her, she has to do chores, she has a curfew, and wont tolerate drinking. I actually think that he may be a little more strict than me, but despite that she responds to him better. I think that her father will be able to give her something that I can't at this moment. She will still attend the same school and it wont be an inconvience in any way. Another plus is, even though we are divorced, we have a great relationship. She will start to visit once a week, and as things get better she will work her way up to 3 days a week.

So all in all, it was a good conversation, even though I have been in tears for the past couple of days knowing that she will be moving out.

Thank you again. Not exactly the way I wanted to introduce myself, but it was just how it was.

Julia

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 9:07pm
I'm so glad you all sat down and were able to discuss things.
Pam
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 9:16am
Aw Julia, I am so glad you were able to all sit down and discuss things. How strong and wonderful of you to put your dd's needs before your own. That is such a difficult thing to do and you deserve a lot of credit for that - to see that your dd may do better with her dad. And thank goodness he's a good dad with her best interests at heart as well. These days it is very difficult to find a divorced couple who each have the best interests of the child in mind and at heart. Hooray for you. Try to make that time spent with dd special, but you also have to try not to go overboard - that can be a real trick, but you all sound so great, I'm sure it will all work out! Hugs - I know this is hard for you.

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