My daughter is out of control
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My daughter is out of control
| Sat, 09-23-2006 - 6:00pm |
I am a divorced and remarried mom and My son is 20 and is fine and away at college. My daughter who is just 16 is a real challenge. She is friendly with girls who are on the fast track-well one is younger so shes still learning. My daughter really doesn't drink or have sex-yay!!! She loves to smoke pot. She does it first thing in the morning and last thing at night. She does it in her bedroom, our backyard and her friends will come over and get the munchies and I wind up ultimately fuming mad and a sink of dishes.My present husband has searched her room and taken her stash, taken away clothes computer etc etc. She thinks everything is funny and just laughs. Could she be addicted?? I don't know what to do anymore and its really getting me down.Her favorite moto is I get what I want and I can do whatever i want. I have reached the point where I turn on the house alarm when I go out and she doesn't know the code TG. She must call me first before I will let her in.Any comments from anyone out there--Ps my son is the total opposite-A plus student-was at U rochester, just transferred to Geneseo and does not and never has done drugs or drinks.She's going to kill me..

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Im not getting the alarm thing-are you trying to prevent her from having her group in at the house when you are not there?
I dont know if 'addicted' is the proper terminology but pot certainly appears to be impacting her life and yours. If she is smoking in teh AM and the Pm, you can be sure she is finding a way to smoke during the day-most likely by cutting class. Talk to her teachers and get the story-this was a constant battle with MY son as the achool looked the other way once they hit the age where they could legally drop out
I wouldnt allow her to have friends over-if nothing else you have a liability issue going on if they are smoking in your 'care'. One of them leaves and crashes their car?????
It may be time to bring in some form of counseling
I do not think boarding school will be happening but I would love it. For now I will have to sacrifice some of my work time to be with her more. I also have to try to keep her apart from this girl which is not going to be easy as she seems to be addicted to her. Oh well, work work work!!I am definitely going to get her into therapy again and start praying more.
I am asking because our daughter went to two different RTCs.
When you start down a certain path in life (and this goes for teenagers and adults too...) sometimes it feels like its just too hard to get off that path. Going back seems out of the question, you don't see the other paths available to you and going down a path alone without the people you know is scary. Think of this analogy with your daughter.
Does she even see other alternatives? Does she know you'll help her off her existing path? Does she even have any other friends who are successful? Does she feel like if she leaves this life behind her, what would she do? Would they let her just leave? Would she be all alone? Its not that you shouldn't be tough with her because you should impose boundaries and limits but tough love isn't ALL she needs. And if you think exiling her to a boarding school (and she's going to feel like you've exiled her) is going to make her feel like she has some help to see and find a new life, think again. She's just going to feel like you are dumping her and don't want her around anymore.
Sometimes our kids make us sooooo angry we forget they are kids. They don't know how to change or how to do anything differently.
Sit down with your daughter. Don't yell at her, don't lecture her. Just tell her you love her and you are really worried about her. You are worried about her health, her safety, her emotional well-being, her self-esteem, her future etc. Ask her about her dreams in life. Ask her if where she is right now and what she is doing right now is really, truly what she wants. It seems like she is just fighting, pushing you away, putting up walls. There has to be a way to break through this and reach the person deep down inside. Maybe take her somewhere -- just the two of you. She'll HATE it but she'll be forced to deal with you one on one.
Focus on her...find out where her head is at ...its worth a try.
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