Is My Daughter A Quitter?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Is My Daughter A Quitter?
5
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 11:32am
Hi, my dd17 is having problems with keeping up with school. When she was in grade school, it sometimes took two of us to get her to school. She spent hours each night doing her homework. She had problems understanding, but mostly she was such a perfectionist. Every t crossed, i dotted. If she erased too many times, now there's a hole in the paper and it can't be handed in, and the next morning it meant h*ll to get her to school. When her dad died, she ended up repeating a grade, and then we moved. She loved her new school and made great progess. That, unfortunately was short-lived. A couple of years later, she hit her head trying to skateboard down a few stairs (yeah, family party, didn't bring the helmet...). She has had memory and concentration problems, headaches along with various aches and pains. After two years, she was still frustrated with her problems, so we started different therapies, all which I believe will eventually help. The biggest problem, and sorry for the long explanation, is that as soon as she starts getting behind in a subject, she starts making excuses, staying home from school sick, etc. She socializes, and we've ruled out depression, but I don't know how to get her to understand she has to put more time and effort into her school work, especially because Drs appts many times end up during class time. I see the pattern every time she starts something new. She's all gung-ho, and as soon as it gets tough, she grabs a suitcase (so to speak), and leaves. This is a terrible habit, and I don't know what to do. She is failing almost all of her classes again this year.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-1998
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 11:40am

Sounds like a frustrated perfectionist.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 12:40pm
Yes, she has seen therapists, but I'm not sure anyone focused in on HOW to deal with the flight mechanism. We have moved again in the last year and our treasure trove of help is too far away. I admit I have dragged my heels a bit getting started again, plus our insurance is lousy, and all of my dd's therapists are alternative medicine (acupuncture, massage therapy, chiropractor), and the money only stretches so far. I forgot to mention that she was knocked unconcious AGAIN just two weeks ago during a flag football game, which exacerbated her symptoms. Thank you for your post. How is it that you get yourself moving toward and through? the walls?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 1:32pm
I am going through something similiar with my own DD16 right now. Don't think she is as much of a perfectionist as your DD but she certainly quits when the going gets tough, especially on herself and it frustrates me to no end. And if she knows she is not going to be able to do something she makes excuses and doesn't even want to try. DD also has health problems and has been in and out of therapy throughout the years. She is actually going into the hospital tomorrow for more testing because she has had ongoing stomach problems and she is in pain and everything she eats makes her feel sick to her stomach. She was diagnosed with gastritis about 4 years ago and was put on medication that seemed to help her for a while but she has stopped responding to them. I am trying so hard to be understanding with her but she would just roll over and never get out of bed if I didn't force her to so every morning it is a complete struggle which totally stresses us all out! Her grades are in the tiolet right now too. And she has already missed 6 days of school and it is only the first week of October! When I do get her to school she ends up going to the nurses office and I get a phone call to come pick her up. Four times in the last 2 weeks I literally walked into my office only to have to turn around and go right back out again to go get her at school. How can she possibly do well if she is not there half the time?? Sorry I'm not offering you some good advice but I can certainly offer understanding because as you can see I'm just as frustrated as you are!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 1:52pm
Thank you. It's helps to connect with someone who understands. I put magic dust as the emoticon. I picture this litle tinkerbell fairy spreading magic dust on our dd's, and poof! all better.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 4:37pm

I have similar difficulties with my DD almost 15. When she has something important to do she gets sick, has mysterious stomach aches and headaches. Last year she missed half the days she was supposed to wear her ROTC uniform to school because she was "sick". I never know if she is really sick or just nervous and being so hard on her self. Last year on the night of the Navy Ball she was crying that she didn't want to go. This was after weeks of excitement about getting the right dress, hair done and then when it comes time to go - she's sick again. Well, that night I pretty much forced her to go and she had a good time.

We have never had her to any counselors because she gets hysterical when we try to talk abut and says we think she is crazy. So I just keep talking to her and encourage her. Last year she almost failed 9th grade English because she couldn't get the required research paper done. She was totally overwhelmed and freaked out and lied to both us and her teacher about ther progress she was making.

Sorry to go on and on but it is good to know that other teens are going through similar things.

Jane