My DD is failing, now avoiding school

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
My DD is failing, now avoiding school
10
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 3:45pm
My dd is 16, and a sophomore. She has always had issues with school, being a perfectionist, and feeling that she should get something the first time around, so if she didn't she gave up...boy the stories I could share. She suffered a minor head injury two years ago, and it hasn't helped. Her short term memory isn't what it used to be, and her struggles aren't enough to get real help, or I haven't found it yet...new school, new city this year. She is skipping classes and failing three core courses. Any ideas??? She is involved in our church youth group, with children's bible school, and a pro-life group at school. She's not sitting idle not making friends, she doesn't do drugs or alcohol, and has no boyfriend. Thank yoiu in advance for any and all ideas.
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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 4:39pm

Hi and welcome. If she is failing at least 2 of her core subjects, that should enable you to request an evaluation. Even if she isn't eligible for Spec ed classes or tutoring, she would likely be eligible for a Section 504, which would provide some tutoring, accomodations in her classes with class and home work assignments. Some accomodations may include a copy of another studen't notes for studying purposes, say, if you dd is not a good note taker. Or, if her handwriting is poor or she has a lot of erasures, the use of a keyboard for class work or HW might be an accomodation. The use of a tape recorder, or untimed testing are other accomodations. Once the evaluation figures out where your dd's weaknesses lie, you and her educational team will be able to create a plan that will help her to succeed.

I have found that when my 16dd is feeling overwhelmed by her class or homework, she shuts down rather than buckle under to do better. And that is when things really begin to spiral downward and makes my job, as well as her teacher's, even more difficult - getting her back on track. We removed my dd from our local public school and enrolled her in a charter school - it meets the needs of our dd, it's not for everyone, but I consider it a real Godsend. My dd 'fits in' there, she's made some good friendships with kids who 'get her' and she no longer misses her public school. She's passing all her classes, some just barely, but that's okay, and she is thinking a little bit about what she'd like to do after HS. This, from a kid who at 15 wanted to drop out of school and thought she was plain dumb. Her self esteem was in the toilet and she was certain that everyone hated her and she certainly treated everyone like she hated them! Your dd has outside interests - I think that's a very strong positive. My dd didn't have anything that she loved enough to become involved with at all. She isolated herself a lot. Since you say you only just moved there, perhaps it's just a matter of time before she feels comfortable?

We also sought counseling for my dd - it helped a little, but like everything else, if they aren't interested, it's not going to work.

There is a short term memory computer program out there - Tatichisiscope or something like that. Our old behavioral optometrist helped us find it and it really helped my older dd with her short term memory issues (she also suffered a brain injury years ago). Perhaps you could google "short term memory, computer exercises" and maybe it will come up.

How long have you been where you are now? Good luck - sorry I couldn't be of more help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 4:44pm

I'm not sure what you mean by this. I'm in California and even with the sad and sorry state of our public education system (which our governor tried to reform to no avail) if a child is failing that many courses, a student study team meeting can be initiated (has to be by the parents, everyone else is too busy and they just don't care); you can demand that your child be tested for learning disabilities. That's a first step. You might look into the organization called, Parents Helping Parents.

Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 10:58pm
In California you can also qualify for special education services under the catagory of traumatic brain injury. It takes a Dr's report, but if it can be proven that her academic skills are approx. 2 years below grade level and the injury is causing this she should qualify. The Student Study T"eam is the 1st step and the school should recommend an evaluation. If they don't, parents must requesst in writing. The school then has 15 days to reply. This is not just CAlifornia where I work, but IDEA which is federal law.. Good luck and let me know if I can help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 2:22pm

Question for you since you work in the system in California:

Why is it that a child has to be 2 years behind academically before they can qualify for special education services? I've been told that I can dispute the findings of my dd's testing, and they will have to pay for outside testing. Is this true, and have you seen much success with this approach? It kills me to see dd hurting and struggling because she can't do any better but the schools are only to happy to "grade her" and provide no help. She apparently has mild ADD, the inattentive kind, which she covered very well through the first few years of her education. Now that she struggles, I can't seem to get her any help through the state other than our Section 504 plan which doesn't include tutoring. The Section 504 plan is hardly worth the paper its written on. It has done nothing to help us.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 2:26pm

My 16dd is in special ed based on OHI (Other Health Issues, namely her ADD and OCD is what helped get her picked up). Before that she was on a Section 504, which in and of itself was actually quite helpful. We are up in Ct and the schools are actually quite good for public schools.

Mom_dragonfly, do you think this could be a geographical problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 9:54pm
I agree with you in practice, In theory, it is a special ed program and not a tutorial program. If there is truly a disability students wil be 2 years behind unless we are assessing a child of 8 yrs or less. The actual requirements are that their academics be 2 standard deviations (about 22 points on standard scores) below their IQ scores. A "severe discrepancy" and a processing disability. ADD can be the processing area. Personally, I would like to catch them before they are so far behind that there are learned behaviors that get in their way. Did the brain injury cause the ADD? If you want special ed assistance, that seems the avenue to follow. You don't have to document discrepancy or processing if the brain injury is documanted. I agree about 504's. there are some situations where they have been very helpful, but there is no $ to back them.. It makes them conpletely ineffective for some. If all a child needs is modifications or accomodations to learn in the classroom, it does provide a legal leg to stand on. I've found them very useful for diabetic kids. I hope I've helped. Feel free to e-mail directly if you have any questions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 10:03pm
Forgot to address the outside testing. My experience is as a resource specialist who does the academic testing. Our school psychoogist is a remarkable diagnostician. If we don't find the problem, outside agencies usually don't either. Brain injury is of course another story. We are not physicians, neurologists and don't pretend to be. Assessment tools are very objective rather that=n subjective. You won't find much of a difference based on that. What can make a difference is interpretation. If you really understand the tool, you know what other tests to give to look further into problem areas.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 12:31pm

I do! I think I live too far out west. LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 12:37pm

I will email you, as I have my dd's results and I have had a difficult time understanding what they mean. Of course, she doesn't qualify for additional help, as there is not enough of a discrepancy. However, I'm convinced there are issues. I just don't feel I have all the answers yet - well, maybe I do but I don't understand them! I would like to get her specialized help on my own dime, but until I understand what she needs what can I do? Right now I have her in tutoring for one on one help with math at the Kumon Math Center - with a brainy Asian math genius. The problem is that when a math genius meets a "math challenged" person, they are not very understanding...kwim?

By the way, my dd isn't the one with the brain injury, to clarify. I kind of "hijacked" this post. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 8:14pm
I'll look for your e-mail and see if I can help. Sorry, didn't follow that you did not have the daughter with the brain injury. Where in CA are you? If it's close I may know someone in your district. I know many of the Resource Specialists in Nothern CA.