My ds the drop out

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
My ds the drop out
31
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 10:15am

I've known that my ds, almost 17 has many issues, but I never thought he would drop out of high school, nor did I think his dad would give in so easily and let him. It isn't the fact that my ds struggles with grades, academics, or he couldn't do the work/homework. It is the fact that he didn't like the rules at his new school, and refused to follow them, plain and simple. Wouldn't leave his cell phone at home, kept bringing the phone, even though it was a no cell phone school, kept bagging his pants, wouldn't pull them up, even when asked by the principal...just ridiculous behavior!! To the point of so many suspensions, I lost track. Finally, his dad grew tired of the entire fiasco,

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Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 10:49am

Gentle hugs to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 11:07am

Hi Sue,

What it is, is that my ex lives over a bar/grill and he works downstairs..I think in lieu of rent money and a bit of cash. Ds says there is not a lot of food etc. When my dd went for the summer to visit, she said there was hardly any food and

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 12:58pm

I almost started crying reading your post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 3:48pm

Conmama..Bless your heart, I know what you mean! It is such a helpless feeling isn't it? My ds tells me "it's not so bad here mom" Or "I'll be okay"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 4:09pm

That's really sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 6:44pm
Thanks Music, This is all we can hope for at this point as well. Ds is pretty much on his own right now as far as food/nessecities go, so if he can't make it down there, maybe he will see he needs to return home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sat, 11-20-2010 - 1:00am
Be careful what you wish for...

Didn't you tell us that it was he** while he lived with you, to the point of marital problems?

What do you think will change if he moves back home with you?

I speak from experience, which is why I'm asking you these questions....

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Sat, 11-20-2010 - 2:24pm
Hi Cat..I know and these are valid questions. Yes, it was a nightmare before he left our home, he was completely out of control, and I thought at the time he just needed to be with his dad. I thought that was the sourece of all of his anger and frustration.. When my oldest went through his trial period of living with dad, and moved back home, we found him a program for school, he found a job, and he has found his way back into the family. We have had no problems with him whatsoever. But then, his main issues at his dads was with his dad, and he struggled academically to the point he was failing. There were no discipline issues unlike my middle ds. My oldest ds was defiant before he left as well, but I think he matured while he was away, and I'm hoping this is the case with my middle son. But then they are two very different boys, with different personalities, and my my middle son has mental health/drug and alcohol issues.

Yes, my marriage was in trouble with all of the chaos, but the flip side to my ds being gone is that all of the guilt and feelings that I have because he is not here, have also created a rift with my dh and myself.

I know you have been down this road, Cat.. If I could get into my car and drive the 1200 miles to get him, admit him into a treatment program, I would, but there is no way he would get into the car and agree to any such idea. I feel useless at this point, and frustrated that his dad and I cannot be on the same page.

None of this is what I wanted for my ds.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sun, 11-21-2010 - 9:53pm
Thanks for your reply.

My heart goes out to you. And if he does return, I hope he does as well as your oldest did.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sun, 11-21-2010 - 10:26pm

big hugs jakesmom, I can only imagine the anguish you are going thru.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

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