My Family is Driving me CRAZY
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 07-14-2007 - 11:50am |
There are just some days when I want to quit, you know? Strike...leave this place....tell all these people in this house to make their own meals, wash their own clothes, pay their own bills....ARRGH.
I am not a stay-at-home mom and yet I feel like I do everything around here...job 1 during the day and job 2 at night and weekends. I constantly have to tell people what to do -- pick up their clothes off the floor, clean up their dinner dishes, put their clean laundry away...heck I even have to tell my almost 16 yo dd when its time for her to change her contact lenses!
I've been after my husband for weeks to get his son's bike repaired. Today he decides to go (finally). He comes home says its only going to be $10. I'm shocked -- the gears are shot, the wheel has a hole in it. He looks at me with this strange look on his face; it appears he took the WRONG BIKE. He actually brought a bike my son hasn't used in 2 years because its too small for him and his current bike is still in the garage. "How was he supposed to know", I get. Ummm....you don't even pay attention to the bike your own son rides? Just goes to show.
I really worry sometimes you know? If I were to get ill or god forbid have some fatal accident nobody in this house would have a clue how to take care of things. My husband has never paid a bill. My kids do not manage their own schedules outside of school commitments. And when I point out what they need to be doing all I get is whining, moaning and groaning and "Do I have to?"'s.
I am going to just explode I tell ya...thanks for listening...

Pages
Hugs to you diamond.
ah yes....going on strike....it's really a pretty good deal, really. Your kids and your DH get so used to you doing all the things you do, that they just don't realize exactly how much you really do. BTDT. Of course, in my case, it was just me and the 2 boys (which I think the boys were much easier to re-train than a husband!! LOL) But, Rose is right, you will have to start with your husband. He has got to be on board with this first, then the kids will follow suit---not without a lot of whining and complaining, I'm sure, but they will come around.
The first thing I did was have a heart-to-heart with the boys. I explained that there was simply too much for one person to do and that they were simply going to have to do their share. I told them exactly what the new rules were going to be and what I expected from them. I started with giving them each a dirty clothes hamper, and I would wash only what was in the hamper. After they got a little older, I explained how to sort laundry, how to use the washer/dryer, how much soap to use, etc. so they could wash their *own* clothes. Yes, we had many days where they didn't have clean clothes, but that was how they learned.
They would be responsible for taking all their dirty dishes to the kitchen. I still washed the dishes, BUT, if there were any dishes/glasses that had been left somewhere and gotten *really* nasty, then they would wash that particular dish, along with the others.
If anything of theirs were left in any room in the house, then I would pick it up and put it in their room (actually, I would throw it on their beds or in the middle of their room and then close the door). I have been known to put a dirty dish on their bed--just to make a point!! As much as I like Rose's idea of keeping their stuff for a week, it wouldn't be practical in my situation. What was usually left out were their shoes and that was the *only* pair they had, or it would be their backpacks and they *had* to have that for school. But, for other things (toys, iPods, games, etc) that would be a great thing to do! Oh, and dirty socks. omg, the dirty socks in the living room drove me *nuts*! After having to dig thru their rooms looking for stuff, they learned to keep their rooms reasonably neat so they could find the stuff I tossed in there!
Don't get me wrong, I still had to remind them to do stuff--still do. But I would only remind them once a day. And I wouldn't break down and do it for them-like taking out the trash. Yes, it built up but then it would take them even longer to take it out. Eventually, they finally *got* it. Now, the good thing is, we all pitch in and do whatever needs to be done. There are certain things that are still *my* job and that's ok. We have since gotten a dishwasher so I will load and unload the dishwaher as a general rule. But the boys have no problem cleaning the rest of the kitchen and they do know how to operate the dishwasher. They generally do the vaccuuming and I dust. They mow the lawn mostly and take out the trash. We all do laundry.
I never had anyone to pay my bills for me, but your dh NEEDS to know how to do this. You are right, if something were to happen and you were to fall ill or get injured (or, God forbid, worse) they should be able to take over. As for your kids' outside activities, that needs to be their responsiblity. Once they miss a few things, they will start making a concerted effort to remember things. If they aren't remembering things like dance class, or baseball practice or whatever, then maybe they don't need to do those things if they aren't interested enough to keep up with the schedule, ya know?? ;)
Tell your DD that she is now responsible for her own contacts. SHE needs to keep up with when to change them. I know that part is scary because it involves the health of her eyes. Instead of telling her to change them when it's time, just ask her if she has. If she says no, just say you were just wondering and leave it at that. Can you check to see if she is changing them without her knowing you are checking? That way you can relieve your mind on the health of her eyes. If she isn't changing them, then maybe she needs to go back to glasses so she doesn't *have* to remember. I know my older son would rather have his right arm cut off than go back to glasses, so that might be a really good way to get her to remember. :)
And just ignore the whining and the "do I have to"s. Remind them once and then walk away. Don't argue. Be prepared, your house will get worse before it gets better (at least mine did) but stay strong. It helps if you aren't a neat-freak. I'm a slob at heart, so I could put up with alot!! ROFL And remember, they are most likely not going to do things the same way you would, but you've got to let them do it their own way. The important thing is that it gets done.
I remember a while back, I got really, really sick with the flu. I mean, I *never* get sick (knock on wood) but I did this one time. By the time I was able to get out of the bed a couple days later, I was so pround that my house was still intact! Ds2 (who has always loved to cook) was able to take care of himself, tend to some of my needs, AND not destroy the house in the meantime! I thought my heart would just burst with pride! :)
i bet i can make u feel better. excuse the type, i'm hunting n peckin
i broke both arms yesterday at the elbow joint. both r splinted. yep both. dh had to feed me last nite. somebody has to clean me in the bathroom. and i start my period tomorrow
i just want to cry.
i fell at work, tripped in a cord at a patient's bedside, but when i did it i fell n caught myself with my arms.
kids r being great about it so far. i go see a specialist tommorrow, might have to have surgery on my right 1
it can always be worse.
sallie
OH, sallie! How horrible! Fast healing thoughts heading your way.
Sue
Oh, geez! You poor thing.
These accidents are always so 'normal'-you can't do them rescuing a baby from a burning building or even skiing, can you?
Best wishes for a speedy recovery and hoping you dont need surgery
And bless DH-I honestly dont know that mine would feed me or wipe my butt or do it in such a manner I would not be in tears at his attitude.
Oh, I know, I know, I know. Went through that 7-10 years ago, working 50-60 hr weeks as a financial analyst, up til 1 or 2 am doing laundry, ironing, when DH watched TV for 2 hrs, then went to bed at 11pm. When DH's travel started picking up, there was no way I could continue. (At least he mowed the lawn when he didn't travel so much!) I quit my job, and became a volunteer tutor, and gradually worked back up to a 20-30 hr-week as vol. coordinator.
Although quitting my job saved our marriage, as a SAHM I felt like I HAD to do everything at home. So the guys never got to be too independent. DH still sends his bills via email to me to pay even though he's in VA and I'm here in MI, but it's not bad now that we can do it all online. DS17 is in "independence training" now, but I know it's too little and too late.
Rose did it the right way!
Sallie, thanks for putting this all in perspective for us. Hope you heal soon.
-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
Rose is exacty right! And Sallie really did put it all into perspective for us. You will be doing your kids a favor if you let them become more responsible. Once they go out into the "real" world, or off to college, you want them prepared and not embarrassed because they don't know the basics. If you continue to do everything, you'll be doing it forever. It won't ever stop. Even if the kids move away from home, your husband should be more involved.
I think Rose's ideas are terrific. We used the "paper bag" method. Anything left on the floors goes into the bag and into my car for one week (that included precious I-pods, favorite jeans, etc.). I will add that you have to be consistent with it too.
Pages