My fiance's daughter was date raped

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2007
My fiance's daughter was date raped
4
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 3:26pm

My fiance and I have been together for 5+ years - he has 2 children - I have 2 children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 4:25pm
I'm so sorry your family is going through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 11:42pm
A long time ago, my friend's sister was date raped in Pa.--it's not that hard to happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Thu, 11-08-2007 - 1:54am

I'm not a parent, but am a teen (until April anyways) and unfortunately I have been through this. So hopefully I can give you some good advice.

I know she wants to just forget about it, but she needs to be put in counseling. It's impossible to just forget about being raped - she can push it to the back of her mind, but that won't work forever, and eventually she's going to have to deal with what happened. I hated counseling and always felt worse during and immediately after the sessions, but in the long run it has helped me so much. My parents also came to counseling with me sometimes, which was good because it gave us a chance to talk and them to ask questions. Nothing about the actual incident of course, but things like who it was okay to tell, if I wanted to press charges, and things like that. Whatever her decision on pressing charges is, support her, and let her know that whatever she decides to do it is her decision, and she is free to change her mind.

Most girls do not tell about their rape, at least not right away, because they are ashamed and they sort of feel like something is wrong with them. Reassure her that it is absolutely not her fault, and that she is not alone. Group therapy could be helpful. You also may want to get some books on the subject; "The Courage to Heal" and "Invisible Girls: The Truth About Sexual Abuse" were two that did both me and my parents a lot of good. I liked the second one a lot since it had the stories of other girls my age, and it does specifically talk about 'acquaintance rape'.

I wish your family luck in getting through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2007
Thu, 11-08-2007 - 1:08pm

Thank you all for your kind words and advice.