My frustration and my "Ah-Ha" Moment

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2005
My frustration and my "Ah-Ha" Moment
3
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 12:08pm

Hi,
I know this is a GREAT place to vent, ask questions and read other posts as they help immensely - even if just to tell you you are not crazy and not alone.

I am going through a difficult time with my 15-1/2 year old. I have literally been a single parent since conception. Dad is not in the picture and we have talked about why he is not in her life and has not been since before birth.

My daughter's grades have dropped, her friends have changed, she goofs off but will spend endless hours burning CD's for her friends, not doing her chores, thinks money grows on trees (ok all kids think this) etc., etc., etc. She is kind and considerate, but to everyone else before her own family. But really I wanted to share a thought.......

My "ah-ha" moment!!!!!

* What I finally had to admit to - or actually my brother bluntly told me: "You created this situation". I realized that to some degree he was right. We had a terrible mother that I call "mommie dearest" when I grew up and I ended her toxic presence in my life two years ago. I had to realize that I was making exceptions too many times for my daughter so that we could have a "healthy" relationship. Well, turns out I brought 50% of the problem and my daughter took the other 50% in taking for granted my lieniency.

I don't know if this will help anyone, but it took my screw-up brother to get me to see the light and the errors of my ways, not just my daughter's ways. Hmmmm.

Thanks for listening. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 12:50pm

Thanks for posting this.... I know, too, that I helped create the situation with my DS-17, and it sometimes hurts to keep going back and thinking how I should have done *this* different or done *that* different.

Oh well, I'll make a great grandparent one day cause I'll have all the answers, lol.

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 2:30pm

Ladies, what you have to remember that any mistakes you might have made were made with the best intentions. In other words, you are human. You did the best you could under the circumstances. Now you have to look to the future and learn from past mistakes.

Worrying about "what if" is a waste of energy. It will not change anything. All you can do is learn from the past amd move forward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 9:52pm

I know i never wanted to be like my mother. my kids didn't really know my mother. she was worse then mommy dearest. i used to tell my kids i'll never be like her and then my 17 year old the very nasty one tells me last night "your just like your mother" i asked her how she could come to that conclusion and she said because you told me about her!!!! well i guess she is right and maybe i exagerated a tiny bit but really and truly my dd's have no clue what an abusive home is. i've lived it for many many years and if me telling them they can't use the computer is abuse then so be it. i'll gladly go to jail fo rnot letting my kids treat me like garbage and taking things away.

Robin

Robin