My married brother sleeps in room with 13 year old son instead of with his wife.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
My married brother sleeps in room with 13 year old son instead of with his wife.
29
Wed, 06-29-2011 - 1:47pm

Hey,

I don't have children so my brother will not listen to any advice I have. I wanted to post here - for other folks that have children to respond. He sleeps in a bunkbed with my 13 year old nephew. (He sleeps in lower bunk, nephew sleeps in upper bunk.) I think his wife prefers he sleep with her. I fear that this behavior is severely stunting for a 13 year old's normal development. He is home schooled, has limited opportunities for social interactions (except an occasional outings with a small group of other home schoolers), and is in general - a fearful young man. My brother sleeping in his room is doing nothing to helping him, but I feel like he's instead inabling him. I strongly believe this is wrong as a child should be sleeping alone at an early age and 13 is beyond too old. Also - I don't believe it sets a good precedent for the parents who should be establishing healthy boundaries and showing the children that the parents are in love and a team. Instead it is reinforcing my nephew's fears and my brother is putting his emotional needs in front of his wife's. Again - I feel like it is affecting my nephew's normal development in becoming a healthy, independent person. My brother will not listen to this. He just says "You do not have children, so you don't understand." If I didn't think this was extremely dysfunctional - I would not be asking for input from other parents and would mind my own business. I would, however love any input or advice from other parents please. Thank you for your time!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

My son is allergic to cats and could never spend the night in a house that had cats--even if he spends a few hours in someone's house he always comes out sneezing and stuffed up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
You stated previously that he'd spent the night before, correct? How were his allergies then?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Allergies can change. When I was a kid I had horrible cat allergies. During my twenties, the cat allergy got better to the point where I actually owned a cat (for about 3 years...it was my first DH's). Now that I'm in my 40s, they are back to being horrible.
Avatar for scoutnut
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010

"My brother has a 3 bedroom house, the 17 year old sleeps alone, my nephew and his dad sleep in one and my sister in law in the other. "

How does the 13 year old get along with his older brother?

If the 13 year old has fear issues, why hasn't he been sharing a room with his brother for the past 9 years?

Why aren't you at all concerned about your older nephew? Have you ever invited him to spend the night in your house along with his brother?

Have you ever talked to your older nephew about the situation with his brother?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011

My nephew HAS spent the night before. He takes Zyrtec and he's fine. I think some of you focusing on the allergy issue are missing the point here. My brother overreacts. He and his wife are kind of germaphobes (sp?) and makes my nephew scared so that he doesn't do things and leave the bubble that is his family's home. Let me clearly state: My nephew is NOT allergic to cats. I know people that are - including my sister in law who cannot spend the night over here - AT ALL. I do know the difference. My nephew has some allergies that he experiences in every home including his own where he gets a stuffy nose. The point is, my brother was overreacting in order to scare my nephew into NOT spending the night. My brother tried to talk my nephew out of doing anything - even going to an amusement park. He tells my nephew "you won't have any fun. There's a virus going around and you'll probably end up catching it, " and all kinds of stuff like that. AND the 17 year old is a sister. I do try to get my niece to spend the night too. Since I posted this, I did get them both to spend the night (the niece and nephew). They had fun and my nephew didn't have to go to the hospital like my brother warned him might happen. My niece, well I'm not even going to go into her issues. Thanks to all who posted. I did get some helpful advice.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Hopefully the latest visit will let the kids know that their dad might just be a bit over the top, and that maybe they'll be more willing to push back on stuff like this. Glad things changed, at least for a bit.

Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

I'm wondering if your brother and SIL have a social phobia of some kind, in addtion to their other issues. My SIL does, and says a lot of the same things you've posted about. She will basically do what she needs to do to avoid interacting with people she doesn't know, as well as with family. It's totally irrational and it definitely hurts the kids' development.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011

Yes - i think my brother does have a social phobia and suffers from depression. He is distrustful of most. Its not healthy for the kids. Its difficult to see it affect his kids and I feel completely helpless.

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