My son, the slug continuation....POT

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
My son, the slug continuation....POT
90
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 7:28am

Well, well, well....guess what I smelled last night at 9:30 as I was going to bed?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 7:47am

He's brought his weed home, knowing that you and DH do not approve of it? He's been doing this awhile, and probably doing it often. Most of the time, kids don't take their junk home with them unless they're really involved with it.

What else to do? Search his room. Regularly for awhile. I know I normally advocate giving a kid his privacy, but your DS has just lost all rights to privacy. And don't just look in the "normal" places like in his drawers, closet and under the mattress... if he's "good," he could have his stash hidden in the heat vents, taped to the underside of drawers or the back of his dresser, inside his mattress (look for small rips or tears in the mattress or spring), or in the light fixtures (if you tape the stuff above the light bulb it doesn't leave a tell-tale shadow when the light is on). Look for things like shampoo bottles that are too light (once found a pipe in an otherwise empty bottle of body wash), or things that just don't "feel" right.

The good news is, this can still be turned around... he's young yet, and he hasn't thrown his life away - yet. The teen who taught me about all of those funky hiding places? Clean since he turned 18 (to the best of my knowledge), couple of semesters of college and a 4 year stint in the USMC under his belt, currently gainfully employed... still has some issues and not where I'd like to see him in life at 26, but generally a responsible, law-abiding adult.

Hang in there mom... this parenting thing isn't easy, but you can make it through in one piece!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 8:26am

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 8:54am

Hugs hugs and more hugs....

My posts about DS are some of those you might have read historically, and so you'll read about my trials and tribulations, same thing happened to us when DS was a soph or junior, can't remember, and it happened one other time. I went ballistic as did DH the first time and then calmed down and lectured like crazy. Did all the same things you are doing now. It did not stop son from using however. Finally after a year of keeping a close eye on him, which greatly helps, we sent DS to a drug counselor. They have them I'm sure everywhere, but I chose to stay away from the rehab type places and did a private counselor. He was good, so I'd recommend if you are going to go this route check the person out and make sure they seem like someone a teen could relate to. This guy, for what it's worth was an ex addict so he had plenty of experience in knowing what tricks they can be up to.

But I'll tell you this. There's a ton of pot smoking going on. My older DS is at an IVY and he says it's rampant there as well (and he'd know as he's into it too). But what my DH and I did was take a stand with all our kids and let them know that WE would never tolerate it in our home, in our cars they drove, in our yards if we were out and about etc...with DS who was young we had numerous talks that seemed to be helping, and who knows maybe they did, but he'd go back to it and we got real tired of being the drug wardens, so we turned it over to someone we felt he'd listen to more than us.

Hopefully it will never lead to anything more. And I'd highly recommend everytime he needs to be drug tested, take him to his family doctor, just another adult they have to face who will now know they are into it. But because it can lead to other stuff, I'm glad that you take it seriously. And if he's taking stimulants for his other conditions, open up the possibility that he'll entertain the thought of using opiates as they are so readily available. My DS that I was aware of, drug test confirmed this, never got into that, but because it's so prevalent today, I was insistent on a good drug counselor.

Now here's the thing. Pot is huge. But as I'd remind my son, not everyone is using. And he'd remind me that all his friends did. Eventually my DH and I realized that we couldn't keep him "safe" at home because he had to go to school, work, the store etc. So we laid down the law, and we let him know that we would be up and checking him out when he came home. I did random checks in his car, his backpack etc. And he was grounded more than any of my other kids and I do think it helped.

If I had to do one thing over it would be this. I'd have played hard ball with what we supplied him, and not wasted my breath on so many pot lectures. For example, if he wanted to drive I'd have made him test neg for pot for at least 6 months. Same for cell phone etc. And when you take something away, do not get into lectures or any kind of arguments about it. The drug counselor taught us this. Just look at him and hand our the punishment and then let go. And as for showing fear or worry over this? Do it in private. Don't give him any satisfaction of feeling that sense of power in your life. In fact, you'd be best to remain calm and just keep driving him the message that you will not have it, and as long as he's in your home, you'll do everything you have to to keep him from smoking. In fact one thing I did do was take away texting the fist instance soph year and he never got it back till he went to college. When he'd complain, I'd just shrug and say, "hey, you know why you lost it" He survived. Why didn't I play hard ball more? Because I was too inconvenienced by his lack of wheels for sports, job etc. But honestly, he could have taken the bus more, caught rides, I could have been more inconvenienced. I would take the car away but the most was 1 month, and it did give us good results, but eventually he'd be back at it. The drug counselor thought our punishments were sufficient, but I'd have gone longer. Why? Because I think it might have made him uncomfortable enough to think harder about whether it was worth it.

I am sympathetic, because it's a hard road. And it's hard to catch sometimes. And more parents than you know have kids who dabble in it, do not know and would be shocked to find out. Again, my DS who is high achieving and is doing wonderful things both academically and work related introduced it to my DS. This really upset me, more than anything and surprised me the most. What the counselor told my DS who ran into problems with it is this: some people can use occaisionally and seem to have have any reprocussions (except health issues of their own), but some can't. And he would drive home the message that if your life is not working, then you need to guit.

Sadly you are not alone. Also, I called a few of the friends moms, be aware that not all will care, very sad but true, eventually I stopped doing that and just dealt with my DS. He NEVER brought his friends home as I developed the rep as the "drug and alcohol mom" but I did not care. Finally, he seemed to take our advice, which was the same as the drug counselors. Surround yourself with people who are not into it and your avoidance will be so much easier. He took that advice and things have been much easier. But is it over, probably not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 9:15am

OMG, Fullmom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 10:35am

Oh Conmama...I went down this road with my middle ds his Sophomore year (last year) and it was so out of control! My first confrontation (over pot)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 11:48am
Oh, {{{conmama}}}. I don't have any experience with this from my kids perspective, but my Ex-H was a pot smoker. He also had/has ADHD, and sometimes he used pot to self-medicate so he wouldn't have to take his prescribed medicine.

I agree with the others. Privacy is out for now. Room searches, random drug tests (they sell them at pharmacies now). I'm worried too as he has brought it home knowing you don't approve. Usually means a deeper problem (can't do without it while at home). I agree that an appointment with the psychiatrists might help.

Teens are difficult. I've said it once, and I'll say it again, they don't warn you about the teen years when you get pregnant. Hugs to you and your family.





iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 12:32pm

Now you know where the slug came from, I'm so sorry. Are his grades still good? Believe me I'm NOT making excuses for his behavior, but you've mentioned he's on other meds (1 med?) for other issues- is it possible he's "self-medicating" BECAUSE OF that med/Executive something (sorry, I don't know what that is) and not just being a rebellious kid? Yes, I would call his Psych. for an appointment and ask if he knows how MJ acts with the other med, like if it counteracts it or enhances it. It's possible your DS may need a med change that would make him not feel it necessary to self-medicate. IF that's whats going on with him.



THAT was just because I "try" to be openminded when reading studies and such about "medical marijuana", my personal opinion is that it's just another dope drug basically being marketed to younger people to make up the voters that will likely approve it soon- so the Gov. can tax it to make up for the loss of cigg taxes since people can't afford their ciggs anymore. MY OPINION! NOT a political rant! But it's possible your DS understands pot to be just another medicine not much different than aspirin, at DS's age, most of what he has been exposed to as far as information about it is how "wonderful" it is for so many different ailments. He may well have been fooled by what he reads and hears.



I kept up on this info. because an X, my youngest DD's dad that just OD'D on heroin a few weeks ago- became a chronic user a couple years after I started dating him. Obviously it led to more and more drugs, We left, and I had to fight his "glories of pot" speeches to my girls all of his too short life.



I would start the drug testing NOW. They should be able to measure the levels coming down and identify if he uses again. Take off his door if you feel you need to do that. He knew how you felt about it in your home, and chose to use there anyway. Is there any kind of attic access through his ceiling? Look there also, and if he has a bed frame that sets a box spring on slats- that leaves a ledge of about 1/4 to 1/2 inch to stash. My heart goes out to you and DS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 12:45pm

Oh Jakesmom,



I'm so sorry to hear that about your son..how heavy your heart must be, big hugs to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 4:03pm
Hugs, conmama. I've been through it with both boys. Older ds during his senior year from he**. Younger ds did it a lot that year he was up in WI. He's very vocally for legalization of it but at least now he doesn't have the means to use it and he knows that if he wants to pursue a criminal justice degree he needs to keep clean. As Rose said - at least your ds is young. I think you are doing all the right things and I can't think of anything else. You can quote all sorts of statistics and lecture all you want. And maybe something will 'stick'. But so often teens feel that they are so invincible and parents just don't seem to have a clue. I think the harsh consequences will do more. At least that explains the 'sluggishness'. Pot completely kills any motivation to do anything. Hang in there!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 6:07pm


Medical marijuana is a very useful drug. It is used for the amelioration of nausea and vomiting, stimulation of hunger in chemotherapy and AIDS patients, lowers intraocular eye pressure (shown to be effective for treating glaucoma), as well as general analgesic effects (pain relief).
In my country, it is legal when proscribed by a doctor and there are very strict controls. Far from being targeted at "young people", most of the people proscribed the drug are cancer patients, the elderly with serious glaucoma and those in constant and chronic pain. It is far from being a tax grab but a use of the drug for sound medical reasons.

I am sure you will agree that my friend suffering thru agressive chemo treatment for stage 4 cancer can smoke a joint proscribed by her doctor so she can keep the nausea & vomiting down and hence keep her strength up. Or do you think that she should be refused this medical treatment because the drug is abused, for recreational reasons, by others.

This teen is using pot for recreational purposes. The two uses are not the same and should be viewed differently. People abuse pain killers. Should we therefore make it illegal for anyone be prescribed a pain killer, even when it is the medical treatment of choice?

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