my son tested positive for pot :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
my son tested positive for pot :(
28
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 5:21pm
OMG, i knew something was up, i have a 16 yr ds and i was suspisious so i told him he had to have a urynalisis to as part of his physical...the pediatrician's office told my by phone the results..my stomach was in knots so i went to pick up a copy to confront my son w/it and i asked to speak to the doc..well, i ofcourse had to wait and after 1 hr, someone finally noticed i was still waiting..i guess nobody bothered to tell his nurse that i was waiting to see him, anyway, i did not mind waiting cuz it gave me time to relax , breath, think, and as i was sitting there, all those toddlers were coming and going , tears from fever, crying from shots, but when the mom handed them the lollipop at the counter after the apt, they was thrilled and smilling...i would take those days back in an instant and do it all different. God, what did it do that brought my son to not know better? i noticed his mood swings and tired all the time so that is why i asked for a toxicology/drug screen i just had a bad feeling...it came back positive for pot. we have not spoken to my son yet. the doc gave me urin bottles and i can test him in 30 days to see if he's clean...i have a counseling apt already set for him before i even got these results cuz i just did not like the way he was acting but he is refusing to go. now that i have this info, i may have more leverage to make him go. the doc said just if it was positive for something, be thinkful it's pot and not herion or crack or coke. .. i would just be happy w/sugar shock from too much candy. how do we handle this w/him? where do we go from here? anyone that has gone through this i would really like to know what you did and how you made out. thanx for listening...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 5:32am

<<>>


i have had/continue to have problems iwth my 19 YO. i have posted my problems tons of times on this board. i AM fortunate in the fact that he never tried drugs or alcholol or cutting. He was depressed and suffers from social anxiety issues, and was suicidal for a while.


we all have our issues with our kids...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 10:14am
sometimes you feel all alone in this. i guess those that you think and seem so perfect has or had some kind of issue. it's a tough world and not getting any better. damb the drug dealers.
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Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 10:43am
The way we found out for sure was by 'snooping'.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 11:16am
well, we would never know cuz my son has been hanging w/the same kids for years. the one that i think it could be is a great kid, collage bound, very involved in the school band and school plays. His parents are nice people but they have a harley so most of the summer they are riding and he is left home alone to do what ever. he is also one of my son's friends that pay the computer internet games w/my son , it's like a circle of 5 or 6 friends. he straight out tell me that he's gonna do it. he does not want to lie so we sat again last night and told him he could not sleep over his friends house last night. .. this is odd and maybe i should not say this but we also found briefly and only 3 small segments of "gayporn" can can't imagine my son in that way cuz he just doesn't seem like it. i have been monitoring it ever since and have not seen any more of it just that one night for about a 4 minute period if that. and the one friend he wanted to sleep over seem like the feminim type and my husband did not want him to go there. we did not tell my son we seen this or feel this, my husband says that we do not need to embarrase him by letting him know we seen this but he feels as though my son does not do anything but the comp and doesn't really pursue the girls and is trying to find his own sexuality at times and when the comp is at thieir fingertips, they will explore. i don't think there is anything there but he does want to go to his friends tonight w/about 3 other frineds ..we are considering this because we don't want him to start lying and sneaking so i think we will drop him off and pick him up a short time later. we may give him just a few hours there, no sleep over. he told me last night that this is not the center of his world, he isn't stupid and would not let this run his life but he will do it occassionally. arrrrrrrrr....i am going to rid e this boy as much as i can and i know he get mad but i will just keep telling him that i don't want him doing anythng dangerous or anything that will jeopordize his future. from what his ped told me , you don't detox from pot. it's not the same as like herion or cocaine...well, we can only let him know that we are his family, we love him and we will always be here for him. his friends will come and go but we won't. i can't pin point the friend cuz they are all the same since grade school..this maybe something that they all experimented with together and no single on is the pusher. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 12:17pm
I wish I had advice for you, but please accept my sympathy and support.
jt
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 12:17pm

I know that, as a parent, we want to protect our kids and its very hard for us to not make the huge "leaps" that we tend to make in these situations. IE we hear our kids might be "making out" and we immediately leap to "my god they may be having sex"; we hear they are going to a party and we leap to "they're going to drink or something". And similarly for something like pot, we find out they are smoking pot and we leap to "he's using all the time" or "he's taking crack or heroine" or "he's an addict".

It doesn't ALWAYS work that way, you know? When I was a teenager I did alot of stupid stuff without my parent's knowledge. Yeah, I smoked pot once or twice -- usually behind the school with some friends I had. And yeah, they were interesting experiences but I never got hooked and I never seeked out anything stronger. It was more of a social thing than anything -- all your friends in a huddle passing around the joint and you take a few drags here and there. Honestly I didn't even know where they got it or how to get it myself. It was just stupid experimentation.

Same with making out with guys or taking a drink here or there -- nothing really led to anything huge -- it was just trying things out. And I think I was too smart to let it get out of control, honestly. I was a straight A student and I had very strict parents who kept a pretty tight leash. But even that control didn't stop the exposure and experimentation -- its part of being a teen.

All I can say is don't assume the worst just yet. Stay close to your teen. Let him know what he did is serious. Be cautious about what he's doing and where he's going. You can't lock him up and he's going to make alot of stupid choices and alot of better choices. Just keep the lines of communication open...

Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 12:48pm

Once again, I agree with your decision. No, it's not something we should take lightly however, I agree that keeping those lines of communcation open are essential. As you and I both know, no one can stop anyone from doing something they truely don't want to do. If you can prevent your son from becoming angry and therefore shutting down, then you've acheived quite a bit. You're better off knowing what he's up to, then having him sneak around.

One last note. Yes, smoking pot can sometimes lead to use of more dangerous drugs but it's not a straight forward connection. Many people smoked pot as teens and are now leading productive, responsible, mature, law abidding lives. Not everyone who smokes pot is going to become a drug feind. This doesn't mean I condone it's use but we have to look at the big picture and keep that "freak out" meter in perspective.

So, will your DS go onto something stonger? Who knows. From what you've said, I would be surprised if he did, but to be on the safe side, I would also keep my guard up and keep an eye on him and more importantly, keep talking with him.

I think you've discovered the best way to handle the situation with your son. It may not be the best way for everyone, but it seems to be working for you. So if it works, go with it.

Again, good luck.

Mily

Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 1:06pm

>>i'm weak..<< No, you are not weak. We can't be tyrants and lord over our kids all the time. Trust your instincts. You know your child, we don't. If you feel he's being truthful, then trust him.

Many adults have forgotten what it's like to be a teenager. They have forgotten about the things they did as teens. How many of us sneaked around behind the backs of our parents? How many of us lied to our parents? We have to learn from our past and try not to repeat the mistakes of our parents. Overly strict parenting really doesn't work. It only causes the kid to resent his/parents and quite often, do just the opposite of what is expected. On the surface the kid may appear to be complient, but quite often the opposite is true. I've seen it happen first hand, way too many times.

Hang in there. Do what you think is best for your DS, not what you think others would do. If you are getting your DS to be truthful with you, then you've done the right thing. Keep it up.

Mily

Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 1:15pm

Each generation of teens does something to go against the wishes of their parents. Whether it's as benign as prohibited dance styles(parents used to freak out over Elvis' swivelling hips) or as harmful as drug use, we need to remember how our parents handled the situation and how we reacted to it. Did it work? Sometimes, yes. Quite often no. Rebellion on the part of teens will continue forever. The point is that you, Cedar, have found a way that works with your DS. He talks with you. He is honest with you. Geez, how many generations of parents have tried to acheive that and have failed? Because of your communication with your DS, you are much closer to helping him solve this problem than many parents are with resolving the problems of their teens.

Mily

Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 1:23pm

In regard to the gay porn, he could have just been curious. It may not be anything of significance. Perhaps he's heard of it and is curious as to what it entails. We, as adults know what it involves, but a teen may not.

Mily