my son tested positive for pot :(
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my son tested positive for pot :(
| Thu, 03-23-2006 - 5:21pm |
OMG, i knew something was up, i have a 16 yr ds and i was suspisious so i told him he had to have a urynalisis to as part of his physical...the pediatrician's office told my by phone the results..my stomach was in knots so i went to pick up a copy to confront my son w/it and i asked to speak to the doc..well, i ofcourse had to wait and after 1 hr, someone finally noticed i was still waiting..i guess nobody bothered to tell his nurse that i was waiting to see him, anyway, i did not mind waiting cuz it gave me time to relax , breath, think, and as i was sitting there, all those toddlers were coming and going , tears from fever, crying from shots, but when the mom handed them the lollipop at the counter after the apt, they was thrilled and smilling...i would take those days back in an instant and do it all different. God, what did it do that brought my son to not know better? i noticed his mood swings and tired all the time so that is why i asked for a toxicology/drug screen i just had a bad feeling...it came back positive for pot. we have not spoken to my son yet. the doc gave me urin bottles and i can test him in 30 days to see if he's clean...i have a counseling apt already set for him before i even got these results cuz i just did not like the way he was acting but he is refusing to go. now that i have this info, i may have more leverage to make him go. the doc said just if it was positive for something, be thinkful it's pot and not herion or crack or coke. .. i would just be happy w/sugar shock from too much candy. how do we handle this w/him? where do we go from here? anyone that has gone through this i would really like to know what you did and how you made out. thanx for listening...

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i have had/continue to have problems iwth my 19 YO. i have posted my problems tons of times on this board. i AM fortunate in the fact that he never tried drugs or alcholol or cutting. He was depressed and suffers from social anxiety issues, and was suicidal for a while.
we all have our issues with our kids...
jt
I know that, as a parent, we want to protect our kids and its very hard for us to not make the huge "leaps" that we tend to make in these situations. IE we hear our kids might be "making out" and we immediately leap to "my god they may be having sex"; we hear they are going to a party and we leap to "they're going to drink or something". And similarly for something like pot, we find out they are smoking pot and we leap to "he's using all the time" or "he's taking crack or heroine" or "he's an addict".
It doesn't ALWAYS work that way, you know? When I was a teenager I did alot of stupid stuff without my parent's knowledge. Yeah, I smoked pot once or twice -- usually behind the school with some friends I had. And yeah, they were interesting experiences but I never got hooked and I never seeked out anything stronger. It was more of a social thing than anything -- all your friends in a huddle passing around the joint and you take a few drags here and there. Honestly I didn't even know where they got it or how to get it myself. It was just stupid experimentation.
Same with making out with guys or taking a drink here or there -- nothing really led to anything huge -- it was just trying things out. And I think I was too smart to let it get out of control, honestly. I was a straight A student and I had very strict parents who kept a pretty tight leash. But even that control didn't stop the exposure and experimentation -- its part of being a teen.
All I can say is don't assume the worst just yet. Stay close to your teen. Let him know what he did is serious. Be cautious about what he's doing and where he's going. You can't lock him up and he's going to make alot of stupid choices and alot of better choices. Just keep the lines of communication open...
Once again, I agree with your decision. No, it's not something we should take lightly however, I agree that keeping those lines of communcation open are essential. As you and I both know, no one can stop anyone from doing something they truely don't want to do. If you can prevent your son from becoming angry and therefore shutting down, then you've acheived quite a bit. You're better off knowing what he's up to, then having him sneak around.
One last note. Yes, smoking pot can sometimes lead to use of more dangerous drugs but it's not a straight forward connection. Many people smoked pot as teens and are now leading productive, responsible, mature, law abidding lives. Not everyone who smokes pot is going to become a drug feind. This doesn't mean I condone it's use but we have to look at the big picture and keep that "freak out" meter in perspective.
So, will your DS go onto something stonger? Who knows. From what you've said, I would be surprised if he did, but to be on the safe side, I would also keep my guard up and keep an eye on him and more importantly, keep talking with him.
I think you've discovered the best way to handle the situation with your son. It may not be the best way for everyone, but it seems to be working for you. So if it works, go with it.
Again, good luck.
Mily
>>i'm weak..<< No, you are not weak. We can't be tyrants and lord over our kids all the time. Trust your instincts. You know your child, we don't. If you feel he's being truthful, then trust him.
Many adults have forgotten what it's like to be a teenager. They have forgotten about the things they did as teens. How many of us sneaked around behind the backs of our parents? How many of us lied to our parents? We have to learn from our past and try not to repeat the mistakes of our parents. Overly strict parenting really doesn't work. It only causes the kid to resent his/parents and quite often, do just the opposite of what is expected. On the surface the kid may appear to be complient, but quite often the opposite is true. I've seen it happen first hand, way too many times.
Hang in there. Do what you think is best for your DS, not what you think others would do. If you are getting your DS to be truthful with you, then you've done the right thing. Keep it up.
Mily
Each generation of teens does something to go against the wishes of their parents. Whether it's as benign as prohibited dance styles(parents used to freak out over Elvis' swivelling hips) or as harmful as drug use, we need to remember how our parents handled the situation and how we reacted to it. Did it work? Sometimes, yes. Quite often no. Rebellion on the part of teens will continue forever. The point is that you, Cedar, have found a way that works with your DS. He talks with you. He is honest with you. Geez, how many generations of parents have tried to acheive that and have failed? Because of your communication with your DS, you are much closer to helping him solve this problem than many parents are with resolving the problems of their teens.
Mily
In regard to the gay porn, he could have just been curious. It may not be anything of significance. Perhaps he's heard of it and is curious as to what it entails. We, as adults know what it involves, but a teen may not.
Mily
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