My Teen Experience: A Life Less Ordinary
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| Sun, 01-14-2007 - 3:54am |
This is a reproduction of a very long response I made to another thread on this board, but I felt that maybe it was worth other people reading and responding to, so I've posted it here. I'd like to hear your thoughts and perspectives on teen life today as well, but I really don't want to be told that I know nothing about teenagers or that I'm a smart arse. I don't care for that. Just don't reply if you don't have anything constructive to add.
In this issue:
Mobile Phones
Internet and Computer Usage
Telephone Time
TV Time
Mobile Phones:
I received a mobile phone from my parents when I entered Year 7, so I must have been about 12, because I was going to become a latchkey child. If I'd become a latchkey child later, I wouldn't have got the phone until that happened. It wasn't a very fancy one, but I was 12, so I couldn't have cared less. I cared more about buying books and CDs.
I've been through about four mobile contracts and handsets now, and I'm pretty responsible - I'm on a plan, so my bill is made up largely of handset repayment and line rental, with few calls and more text messages, though I get 50 free messages a month.
There are a myriad of ways to keep a phone and keep it cheaply, but parents need to ask about these options when phone shopping. My mum has a function that calls to my mobile are free for the first 3 minutes. Get what you know will promote staying in contact with your child, not what will promote them staying in contact with their friends. I chose text because my mother and I also text each other quite often, although I do SMS my friends, but I prefer to talk to them on the landline or MSN. Currently my parents pay for the phone as I don't have a part-time job. They wanted me to concentrate on school, but now I'm going to uni, I will have a lot of time on my hands, so I'll get a job. When I am on my feet sufficiently to meet the payments, they will stop paying for it.
Computer and Internet Usage:
When we first got the Internet I was about nine, and at that point I was allowed on for half an hour a day, because it tied up the phone line. As I grew older and more familiar with the 'net, I was allowed to use it for longer periods of time. We got Broadband only about 18 months ago. I am allowed to use the computer and Internet whenever I like.
I do not have a MySpace, but do have an account on there (without the actual "page" containing pictures, blog entries and so forth) so I can listen to music and look at my friends' spaces. I used to run my own personal Web site. I have met only one person offline that I had met online, and I went with my mother.
I'm a self-professed MSN Messenger addict. Most of my social life happens on there. I prefer it to talking on the phone to someone as I am quite a shy person. I got together with my first boyfriend on there, receive invitations to others' houses, and so forth. My parents have never looked at my chat logs, and I tell my mother the large majority of what is said on there anyway (how else will I get permission to go to the movies or suchlike?).
Telephone Time:
Using the telephone is not an issue in my home, and my mother receives more calls than I do. She also makes more, and longer, calls than I do. And I'm still a teenage girl, so that's kind of sad, I realise.
Screen Time:
We have cable TV, and I love to watch VH1 and the other music video channels, but I generally don't sit there and watch a show. I used to watch Dawson's Creek religiously 'til the fourth season, and now have all the box sets, so I'm kind of clinging to childhood there! I was about 11 when DC started, and I was not allowed to watch the episodes 'The Scare', 'Abby Morgan, Rest In Peace' or 'Escape From Witch Island'. Any show I love - as Australian TV networks are notorious for doing - gets cancelled, or put on "hiatus" (see Veronica Mars). I like Doctor Who as well, same as my dad.
I've got a small TV in my room, and my DVD player is my PS2.
I've taken to setting up my PS2 in the lounge room as that's where the air conditioner is, and play in there when the days are hot (we're in a very long, hot summer Down Under), and usually play Singstar, Buzz! Quiz or Kingdom Hearts. I usually sit and play for maybe five hours, but not every day.
This post will be continued very shortly!

A teenager's perspective on privileges for teenagers. I have been there and done that. In this issue:
Crime and Punishment
Earning My Keep
Wagging
Curfews
Dating and the Dreaded "S" Word
Alcohol, Smoking and Drugs
Crime and Punishment:
I never felt the need to sneak out anywhere, or lie about where I was going. I was not really allowed to take public transport, and so required lifts from my parents to wherever I wanted to go. I cannot drive. I've never been grounded, or had something taken away. The biggest punishment, I find, is having your parents be disappointed in you. I think I lied about school work a few times (maths was a really hellish subject for me - still is), and once, I forgot my clarinet for my lesson that day, and got caught in a lie that my teacher lent me one to use. They're the ones that really stick out.
I never felt compelled to lie about anything else. My mother knows just about everything I did with the two boyfriends I've had so far, and the party hookup I had (never again, I've done it, it's not fun). She's been my friend, as well as my parent, all my life.
I've never shoplifted.
I'm known for having a bit of a mouth and for my pithy one-liners. I know what I want to say and I just say it. Sometimes my mouth gets me in trouble - but ironically it's usually from overthinking what I was going to say! I'm allowed to swear, but I usually have many other ways of getting my point across more eloquently than "f**kin' hell!" (although a few of those sometimes don't go astray).
I'm a smart arse, I like to be right, and I have no problem telling an adult when they're wrong, I don't mind who it is. If you've spelled something wrong, you will be corrected.
I can't stand the attitude that children have nothing to teach adults, because believe it or not, some of us do! I am usually right and my mother is usually wrong. She hates it when I'm right and I hate it when she's right. As for my dad, my mother married Mr. Right. She just didn't know his first name was Always. Like father, like daughter.
I do not take well to being told to shut up by my parents, thus, my parents have been told to shut up by me. I hold the view that if they are allowed to disrespect me by telling me to shut up, they can take what they get! I am insolent, I will talk back if I have a point to make, so basically, most of you would despise having me for a daughter!
Earning My Keep:
I never really got pocket money. I'm usually given money when I need it. The general consensus is that I keep my bedroom, bathroom and study clean, and clean up any mess I make. I'm an anal-retentive, so those rooms are kept very tidy for the most part.
I dry the dishes, but I refuse to wash them under running water. I'll wash them if the sink has water in it, though.
I would iron, but my mother's anal like me and would probably throw the hot iron at my head for not doing it to her EXACT SPECIFICATIONS and tell me how "f**kin' useless I am", so I've told her to get stuffed if she thinks I'm going to do the ironing! Same with putting away clothes. I can't seem to put anything on the right hanger, so she chucks a spaz and tells me I'm stupid. I'm not bloody psychic!
She complains about me not doing anything, but I refuse because all my efforts would be for nothing, as I'll never get it right. I know I will learn skills like ironing, cooking and cleaning when I leave home, out of necessity.
But for now, I can't even help her, since I get it wrong! Why should I bother? For what? I mean, you kind of get jack of being yelled at. I'm more of a hindrance than a help to her because I can't do things the way she wants them done. Nobody can. So, she can do it all herself!
I don't cook. I am scared of all hot appliances (got burned when I was little) and won't use the stove or oven of my own accord. I'm microwave compatible.
Wagging:
I've never wagged. Partly because I see no point, and partly because I would've got caught, and they'll have come down on me like a tonne of bricks. This will happen because I am a goody two-shoes. Ironic, no?
(Wagging is ... I think you call it playing hooky? Basically it's skipping school for other, more exciting pursuits, like sitting at home and doing nothing).
Curfews:
What is a curfew? Could someone please explain what this is to me? I seldom went out, and it was always understood that whatever time I finished where I was, my parents would pick me up and make sure I got home safely. There was never any sort of curfew. I did not go out on school nights. I don't think any of my friends ever had curfews, except one boy who has to get up early for church on Sunday mornings, so he doesn't stay out late on Saturdays.
Dating and the Dreaded "S" Word:
I had my first boyfriend when I was 16 and he was 15, and believe you me, I was shocked that someone liked me. We're still great friends.
I was allowed to have boys in my room with the door closed. Perhaps this was because I had known these boys for several years and had been friends with them before I went out with them. I've never dated anyone I didn't know for a long time beforehand. Also, when my last boyfriend would sleep over, he would sleep in the lounge and myself in my room, and come into my bed about 7 in the morning. I slept. Also, anything done in my room will be heard, because my walls are paper-thin (I think dad did this on purpose when he knew I was a girl), and my mother knows that I will not be having sex with anyone. Ew!
I've given hand jobs to the last ex, and he gave me oral sex ("head" as they call it these days). But basically, I got a lot more out of him than he got out of me.
I had turned 18 by the time I did both these things. That relationship was about two years in the making so it felt like the dating had been going on for a long time, even if we weren't "together". It was really just understood that The Ex and I were just waiting to happen - the "will-they-or-won't-they" non-couple of the school.
I have been on the Pill since I was 15 because of my spots (my dad had it bad, so it wasn't really a shock). I was considering losing my virginity recently to my last boyfriend but did not. I think the fact that I laugh when someone mentions condoms or penises or vaginas (vaginae? vaginuses?) signifies a serious lack of readiness and maturity in that area. Good thing too, as he was a grade-A jerk and the stories I could tell you will stop your girls dating for fear of all guys being like this pr**k!
In short, mother wants to know everything about my relationships and what happens - dad is in denial and has said little on the subject apart from, "I've got a rifle. If he makes you cry, I will make him cry." My last boyfriend is yet to sob like a baby, but my dad's a patient man.
Alcohol, Smoking and Drugs - How Teens Have Fun These Days:
I was never interested in drinking myself into oblivion. I'm allowed to now, and I still don't want to, although my parents have made me promise that I get absolutely wasted for the first time at home ("What, so you can laugh at me?" "No, so we can look after you because we know you won't do it again, but we want you to be safe.")
I've started drinking at social events with my friends, but it only takes one of those Breezers to get me feeling sick in my stomach (apparently there's no remedy for that but to drink more), but I don't like that feeling, and I don't drink more. Those ads about drinking and its dangers have got to me hook, line and sinker.
I'm curious about drugs, but once again, the cautionary tales about drugs and overdoses are enough to keep my curiosity to just that - curiosity of the theoretical variety, and not of the active variety.
I half-joke about taking up a smoking habit, but I know I never will. My mother is a smoker and that's enough. It is accepted as law in our household that I will not smoke.
Miscellaneous Things I Did and Things That Happened to Me:
This section is simply to let you know other things that occurred during my adolescence. It's not a basis for comparison, but simply to provide extra details for the "portrait of the writer as a young woman".
- I wore a thong once. I must have been 15. Never again.
- I drank alcohol at school once. Year 8 or so. We thought we were SO COOL. We mixed Baileys and vanilla Coke. Yum.
- I started wearing make-up at 12 because my acne had started to show up. It's taken me a few years, but I've developed a nice "base face" that is simple and natural-looking.
- I started wearing a bra at 12.
- I started my period at 13.
Endspeak:
So this was basically how my adolescence passed, and the kinds of things that were allowed. I'm an only child, so my parents and I have always coexisted quite peacefully and I've been brought up to be mature. I might be nothing like your own "hormonal hurricanes", but I've come through the battlegrounds of adolescence for the most part, and I think I've come through pretty well. I might not be someone you'd want your kids to be friends with, but if I can give the mothers out there some pointers on what their daughters might be experiencing and expecting, then I'm happy, because I'll feel like maybe I know what I'm on about.
Lastly: love your adolescents through "stick" and thin, in sickness and in health, through identity crises and fashion faux pas, betrayal and boyfriends, trends and television, through self-hate and eventual self-acceptance, good grades and bad, iPods and mobile phones, moodiness and mouthing off, heartache and hormones, 'til your child and teenage life do part.
They need you now, more than ever. And always remember that they love you more than they can express. You'll make it - both of you.
All I can say is that based on what you've said, things aren't that different from when I was an only child teen growing up, and you sound very much like me. My parents were usually great and I love them with all my heart as I knew they were only looking out for my best interest and safety, but they would sometimes be totally closed-minded and unreasonable and I, too, would tell them where they were wrong (and would do it again today in a heartbeat!). I asked my best friend in grad school about pot at a party; he told me that knowing me, I wouldn't like it, and that was good enough for me - he knew me VERY well and I trusted his judgement. I got drunk a couple of times in college and grad school and that did it for me - I barely drink now. Never was much of the experimenter when it didn't prove 'useful'. Never got 'in trouble' and that's a great thing.
Thankfully ds14 is also very much like me and has a firm grasp on what he wants and doesn't want, what he will and won't do, and I believe him. I'm not naive enough to think he won't try things as I tried some, as did dh and friends and all. But it's nice knowing there are more out there with great heads on their shoulders. Keep it up - you'll go far!
Sue
Well, except for the fact that you tell your parents to shut up (it's true, they shouldn't say 'shutup' to you either), and that you spend WAY too much time exercising your fingers (5hrs of PS2) you sound like a pretty good daughter. You seem to be an independent thinker and you can probably thank your parents for that. I am also straightforward, but that part of me developed in adulthood, and it can be bad. Diplomacy will get you a lot farther in this world and I always admire those around me who can accomplish so much because of it. And no matter what you say, you are not always right--so get over THAT!
Can't do anything right--my son (or should I say "I") have that problem, too. I know I complain when he doesn't do a good job helping out. But really, why would anyone with a brain rinse his cereal bowl in the sink, leave it there 1/2 full of water, with cereal flakes left to dry on the top half of the bowl and all over the sink? Guess I should be happy that he taught himself to iron.
Didn't understand some of your slang--what's a 'party hookup'? On the pill because of 'my spots'? Thought that meant 'spotting', but with the note about your dad afterwards I was totally confused.
<> You must have better ads than we do in the US. I've see ones about drinking and driving, but that's it. Maybe cuz I watch only about 1 hour of TV a week--that's not a typo--1 hr a week.
Thong underwear? I tried it a few years ago, too, so I wouldn't have to worry about the panty line showing, but I couldn't stand the feeling of the elastic in my crack, and decided panty lines aren't so bad.
You're a good writer. What are you studying?
Thanks for the reminder that our teens need us. When we're in the throes of one of their crises that results from their deafness to our advice, we tend to forget that.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
Thanks for your thoughts!
Five hours of PlayStation isn't too bad, and I don't play it every day. My ex played Kingdom Hearts II for 70 HOURS in FOUR DAYS. My Kingdom Hearts I file is 50 hours over around four weeks.
You mention not understanding some of my slang, so I'll explain what the terms mean. You probably know their meanings when they are used as a different word.
"Party hookup" refers to meeting someone at a party and having a little bit of a fling with them. It's usually confined to one event, and more often than not does not eventuate into anything beyond the time spent together at the party. More often than not, it will happen "out of a bottle" (read: when one or more of the pair is drunk). During a party hookup there is usually a bit of snogging (heavy, deep kissing) and some wandering hands. I felt quite cheap after my hookup, which is why it won't happen again.
"Spots" is simply my preferred word for acne. I don't like pimple, zit or acne so that's the word I use instead. Probably a bit more of a British term, although I'm not British. I just like their slang.
By the way, anyone who has questions for me about topics not covered in my first two posts are welcome to ask them in subsequent posts. I'll do my best to answer frankly and as simply as possible.
PS: What am I studying? At the moment, nothing, as I've just graduated. Funny you should ask, though, since I am about 10 hours away from receiving a text message that will tell me what I will be studying - and at which university. I envy how things are done with university acceptance in the US - you apply directly to universities and receive letters from each as to whether you're accepted or not, and decide from there where you'll go.
Here, we apply for up to 12 courses in order of preference, and receive an 'offer' from the institution that accepted us that is highest on our preferences list. We don't find out what other places accepted us.
I am bloody terrified. I'll post again, and hopefully be able to tell you what degree I'll be reading for.
Edited 1/15/2007 9:27 am ET by abbag1rl
Introducing one of Monash University's new Bachelor of Arts undergraduate students - ME!
Monash is part of the Group of Eight, which are the top eight public universities in Australia. It's essentially the Australian answer to the US Ivy Leagues (I understand all Ivies are private). I'm pretty proud.
Congratulations! You SHOULD be proud, and so should your parents.
DS17 is waiting to hear from his first choice univ. He was accepted at his second choice, but received a letter of deferment from the other. Actually, I'm kind of glad. He was asked to forward to the univ his fall semester grades when they come out after finals this week. That is definitely a motivating factor for him when it comes to studying for his exams.
Forgot to mention one other thing about you that I don't like to see in my DSs or in my DH: the swearing. I, myself, do let a swear word or two slip out on occasion, but when DS17 starts too much of it, I charge him $1 per word. He usually starts cutting back then. TV shows don't help. I was shocked to hear how much swearing there is when I caught 5 minutes of one of DS's shows.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM