Is my teen normal (laughs)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Is my teen normal (laughs)?
8
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 12:55pm

Hi all, I love this board so much because I never feel alone in this crazy teen thing we're in. I'm looking for perspective here everyone. Is my teen stupid or typical? Also does anyone else have this problem? We are starting to doubt ourselves and I need a reality check.


DS 15 is in HS now. He has always been a little on the less-communicative side (as opposed to his younger brother). In a nutshell, he gives us half-information and a bunch of I-don't-knows on what motivates some of his seemingly stupid non-chalant decisions. Tons of stonewalling.


Case in point: has a X-country meet out of town this weekend and tells us last night he can no longer participate because he didn't get "some papers" signed by us and turned in to coach last week.

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 2:01pm

{{{{hugs}}}}} Betty. And yes, I think he is probably being pretty normal. :) For whatever reason, when my ds19 was 15, he turned into....I don't know what, but I didn't like him very much during that time. A little story from that time-period: Because of getting in trouble after school there for a while, when baseball came around, we *required* that he play--to keep him out of trouble. (Long story short--he has *always* played baseball, *loves* it, etc.) He swore he wouldn't because he now hated it. Yeah. right. We gave the ultimatum-work/sports or no more vehicle and he chose baseball. Now, for the real kicker...he failed one or two of his classes that grading period so he *couldn't* play! He denies it to this day, but *I* know better. Well, he was still on the team and therefore had to still be at practice, so I let it go. He eventually brought his grade up and finished playing that season. So, I totally get that your ds may have purposely NOT turned in his papers. It's a kind of a "I'll show you" deal.

I think teenagers are alot like toddlers...always pressing the boundaries, but even more so than the little ones. At least when they were little, we weren't the "stoopidest" people on the face of this earth! LOL

At 15, you kinda have to laugh a little bit on what they say they are going to do, whether you like it or not...they still rely on us to cart them places, give them money, do their laundry, and on and on and on. Excuse me???? And exactly *how* do you expect to get to this dance/pay your way in/have clean clothes to go in??? AND you want a Cell phone???? I don't think so!

By all means, stick to the rules. He can either cough up the papers and go on the X-country meet OR he can stay home with dear ol' mom and Mike. His choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 3:46pm

IME, yes, he is normal.

We had several incidents like this with DS2 and at least one with DS1(a quieter, introverted soul)

I think once they get rolling, they find some deep seated courage to push harder(like this was the time to ask for a cell phone???? DUH!)

I dont think it indicates you are doing anything wrong.

He probably wanted to go to the dance and the meet and couldnt do both and didnt handle the frustration really well-do any of us with something like that? Thats why they invented TIVO!

I wouldnt obsess unless it happened multiple times.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-1998
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 5:34pm
I agree, it's probably normal.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 2:22pm
Yes, he is about as normal as many teen sons or daughters. Non-communicative, demanding and arrogant. He can demand a cell phone but still needs you to purchase it for him. He can say he's going wherever he thinks he wants to go, but needs you to get him there. True you cannot spoil a child with love but you can spoil him with generousity big time. Also you need to realize that he is baiting you with his jocular, I don't care attitude. If you get angry you are giving him exactly what he wants, control. Old saying, "He who angers you, controls you." I don't believe in having a conversation with anyone who seeks to make me angry or is disrepectful. I have said to my children, "When you are ready to act like a decent human being, I will talk to you." Then you leave the room, and wait. That way they are not in control and this is what you seek to avoid. I don't have all the answers but I got through it and you will too. If you stick to good parenting skills, which are not always touchy feely, you will be on the right road. Also, consider a teen parenting skills class offered through your community.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 5:44pm
<<>>
Quite possibly...
OTOH, I remember being on the receiving end of this type of behavior. In my boys' case, it was roughly translated as:
" I know I'm pushing the limits here, and it doesn't look like it's working, so if I keep it light and funny it may not blow up in my face quite as severely."..
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 5:52pm
Yep, and if it does maybe he can say "I was just kidding". My son still uses this and he's 26. Don't know who he's kidding now. Maybe himself?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 5:59pm

<>
lol... Welcome to the club. Teens are experts in bringing this out of us.
We should add another sub-category to the board:
"Issues of second guessed judgment"

Believe me, what you are describing seems about as normal as it gets at 15. They're just not very good at describing dilemmas, what they want, and how to get what they want.

If I were in your spot, if my 15 yr old came to me and said, "Dad, I've got this problem. There's this dance I really want to go to but it conflicts with my responsibility to my XC team. Can we talk about it?" I think I'd fall over dead, or wonder what alien force had stolen his body.
You only see that on TV Betty...(At least when the older shows were aired :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 11:30am

LMAO Daddioe!!!!!!! And I am no June Cleaver either!! You guys are all right. I just needed a reality check. And Deb I suspect you are on to something with the baiting, plus he has given himself a quick out of " but I was only kidding!" Thanks for the reassurance and advice, it has really helped.


BTW