My teenager tells lies about me!!
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My teenager tells lies about me!!
| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 10:53pm |
I have a 14 year old son and lately he is so moody and angry. He sometimes wont even answer me when I speak to him. He is a completely different person around other people. Everyone tells me how sweet he is and what a nice boy he is. I just stand there and think, is this the same kid who lives with me? Im a single mom and have 2 younger daughters as well. My son recently started dating and out of concern, I started reading his msn chats with his girlfriend ( i know...a terrible thing to do!) LIttle did i expect to find that he tells lies about me all the time. He will tell his girlfriend terrible things that I said to him, things like, " you are stupid and i dont know why your girlfriend even dates you". Tonight I was watching a tv show where the dad was such a jerk and wouldnt lift a finger to help out around the house. I just mentioned to him that i hope when he gets married that he treats his wife with more respect than that. Later I read on his msn chats that he told his girlfriend that I told him that men are dickheads and stupid and that I think that men should do all the work while women sit around and do nothing. I was shocked to read that. I would never say anything like that to him. He also told her that I said he would make a terrible husband and nobody would ever want to marry him. Why would he tell lies about me like that? In the past ive noticed that he told her that she has the best mom in the world and that he got stuck with the worst one. GOd..someone stick a knife in me now. I do everything for him. There is nothing I wouldnt do for him and tell him I love him all teh time. I make so many sacrifices for him, every day. Why does he hate me so much? I dont understand why he tells these lies about me. I would never say these hurtful things to him, or anyone else. Can someone please help!!! I dont know what to do to make him stop this behaviour.

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No, I don't know why some kids choose to do this... but I can relate. My DS-17 and I had what I thought was a good conversation one night. Later I read that I just wouldn't f'ing leave him alone, and a couple of other things.
My son has since moved out, and I don't read anything on the net anymore cause I just couldn't take it emotionally.
Do you think they could be wanting attention or something?
zz
"I do everything for him. There is nothing I wouldnt do for him and tell him I love him all teh time. I make so many sacrifices for him, every day."
Maybe he's looking for sympathy from the g/f.
I vote that he's trying to get attention, but not from you: from the girlfriend, and/or other friends. "Poor me, I have such a tragic life." He won't go to the movies with you b/c most 14 yo's wouldn't be caught dead with their parents at the movies. See that I said "most" b/c there does seem to be some type of mutation of a gene whereby some 14 yo are still happy enough to hang with mom. You're not that lucky, and neither am I. I've been on this board for about a year, b/c last June my "little girl" who was like my shadow for years and adored me suddenly at 13 couldn't stand the sight of me. I read many, many things from our computer log similar to what you've posted here. I realized it was her "interpretation" of what was going on, for instance if I was stern with her about something, she was writing that "I yelled and screamed at her" which was untrue, but that's the way she "heard" it.
Good luck, and hang in there...
<< ...that "I yelled and screamed at her" which was untrue, but that's the way she "heard" it.>>
Yeah, what's that about???? Seems like if I am anything but silly or overly-sweet when I ask my kiddos to do something -- anything at all, actually -- I'm 'yelling' at them?
I once went so far as to actually WHISPER to DS that he needed to hurry up and eat his breakfast or I would be late getting him to school and even THAT was considered 'yelling'. Or suggest to DD that she turn the tv off and get her homework done, just a suggestion, mind you and that was 'yelling' too. I guess anything they don't want to hear, is heard as yelling and screaming.
{{{sigh}}} ... somedays you just can't win, can you?
Julie
Thanks so much. What you said made alot of sense. I think you are right, that he is just doing it to get attention from his girlfriend. Unfortunatley now she probably thinks that Im a terrible mother,and im sure she probably tells her mom what He tells her. She tells her mom everything..so im sure she has shared with her that her boyfriend has such a horrible mother. Hopefully her parents dont believe everything they hear! Yeah, it sucks that our kids who once thought we were the best mom in the world..now thinks we are trash. Thats what my son calls me. White trash! Not to my face mind you, but to his girlfriend. Another knife in my heart! Its amazing how they interpet our conversations as a screaming match. If i try to explain things to him, he cuts me off and wont let me finish the sentence and walks away. Soooo frustrating. I like the saying, " raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to the wall"...how true!
Thanks for all your help everone. I truly appreciate it! Ive really gotten to understand a little more as to why my son acts the way he does. I dont have to like it..but I understand thats its not all about me..
I know it's rough going thru that stage when your kids think you're the worst mom in the world, btdt x 3!
NO!
You might reconsider letting them spend time with the door open but make sure you make it your business to go up there every half hour or so, and not by the clock, but sporadically. I know how frustrated you must be, trying to enforce rules and then finding that other parents allow things, so they just wind up going there. We've all btdt. He's ONLY 14 and you could always tell him they can only hang out at your house - but that might be what the girlfriend's parents are telling her!
Don't worry about not being your son's best friend right now - he needs a mother, whether he will admit it or not....
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