My Update, Really Long

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
My Update, Really Long
6
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 10:32am

As some here know, my son moved to town for what was supposed to be a short time while he was suspended from riding the bus for 6 weeks. Then he turned 17 and I couldn't make him move back out in the (literal) boonies legally. In Texas, they can move out at 17 but I'm still responsible.

Well, I didn't approve of the people he was living with after I found out some things... but now they've moved. A man I met briefly once let him have a rental house for free.

My boy just turned 17 in May and still has a year of high school left. He was working when he could, but his boss just got out of jail and never paid him the remaining paycheck and now he's unemployed.

I am not prepared for this. I wasn't prepared for him to leave home at 16 in the first place, much less for it to be permanent. And now here I am shopping to set his home up. It's frightening, and just plain weird.

I guess I could refuse and then he may be forced home eventually, but then the old problems would just crop back up... and that would definitely not be a good thing.

He's in summer school now and is really trying very hard. I'm still driving to town every morning to make sure he gets there (he's out if he misses one day), but most of the time, I catch him on his bike already heading to school.

Anyway, that's my update.

And now to the second post I made on Troubled Teens Board:

I just wanted to add some other thoughts:

I can't believe the way he's matured since he left here. Even living with the other family, he practically had to fend for himself. Sometimes no gas for hot showers, little to no food most of the time, no phone, no a/c.... but he always said it was better than living out here (in the middle of nowhere), that only a crazy or old person would want to live here.

I admit it hurt me to no end. I cried and cried.

But his transformation into an adult cannot be ignored. He's 6'3 with a ponytail and a goatee. All that immature childish behavior of his seems to have vanished. He has started jumping in front of me to open doors, he's once again telling me he loves me, grabs my shopping cart and tells me it's too heavy for me cause I'm old, lol. He kids alot with me nowadays. He's no longer a picky eater (lol). He's just... different now somehow. Do you know what I mean?

I can see so many changes, but it's just too soon for him to be living on his own, but there seems to be little I can do about it. I will be over there constantly and making sure he's not having wild parties with underage drinking.

I think he would have stayed out here if we could have afforded him a vehicle. But we just can't right now.

Anyway, sorry to make this so long, but I've been doing much reflecting this morning.. and still haven't sorted things out in my head.

Thanks for listening,
zz

And now this morning I find out he has a JOB!!! Yeah!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 12:59pm

My 18 year old chose to move in with a friend before leaving for college this fall

Not the same situation as yours, for sure, but I had to share this chuckle!

Stops in after being gone 6 days, is invited to dinner, accepts and shares this:

"you guys should have kicked me out a long time ago: Im really learning the value of money now"

It's been 6 days!!! He's living rent free and I still pay his cell(and we didnt kick him out)

And yes, he was polite, made intelligent conversation, and actually asked for and appeared to accept some food shopping advice(as opposed to the usual eye rolling)

I can't believe anything changed this quickly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 1:11pm

Oh wow, cat_momma, that's a lot of change in a short time! But, it sounds like it really has been a good change for your DS. It sounds like he is happier, and well, just growing up. (Personally, I hate that our cute little toddlers had to grow up into teenagers, but as the song goes, 'you can't fence time' and I'm living with it.)

I think you should be proud of the strides your DS has made! Sounds like you done good mom, as hard as it's been for you, you done good.

{{hugs}}

 

 

 

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 2:01pm
As hard as it is to let him go, you have got to be just a little bit proud of how your ds has matured and is taking responsibility for himself. Granted, it may have happened a couple years before you had planned, but it sounds like he has become a wonderful young man. You should be *very* proud. I would imagine as long as you are available to him as Mom and continue to check in with him, he will continue to do well. You have obviously done *something* right over the years, huh?? :) Job well done, Mom.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 4:45pm

Thanks for everyone's replies....

BUT!!! I thought I'd add a little laugh!!

This morning I took a small refrigerator over to DS's house. (not too small, though, it's not one of those little beer fridges)

He was carrying it from the car to the house when the problems started! He was letting the cord drag, and finally we've had a good rain in Texas... so I picked up the cord and was following along next to him carrying the cord.. We went through a little ditch, and I tripped and almost knocked the fridge out of his arms.

He's saying "please let go of the cord.. please let go." Naturally, I said, "but it can't be drug through the yard, and you'll trip on it." He was barefooted and his pants were dragging on the ground really bad. He stopped, and I kinda threw the cord on top of the fridge, cause he WANTED me to!! ... but the plug accidentally hit him in the forehead.

I apologized, raced ahead and opened the front door for him. Then he got to the end of the hallway. It was a T with 3 doors. He kept wrestling with one door, so I pushed ahead and around him and slammed that dang door that was giving him so many problems! He says "WHAT ARE you doing?" I said that I was trying to get that door out of your way. He says "but that's the door I was trying to go through!!"

He put the fridge down in the hallway, frustrated, and said "you're so annoying sometimes. I'm sorry, but you're annoying!"

I told him the kitchen would be the best place for the fridge, and that I had thought he was taking a right into the kitchen. He said "no, it won't work and you can't put it there, mom"

I went and checked it out. And no, believe it or not, the fridge won't go where I had it planned, or anywhere at all without an extension cord, which I think would be dangerous, and plus, we didn't have one.

He walked to me, put his arms around me and said "mom, you can be sooooo annoying sometimes, but I love you." And he gave me a huge hug.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the twilight zone... but sometimes it's not so bad.

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 6:42pm

You know, sometimes going it on their own, being forced to live with the natural consequences of their own mistakes, that's the best way to grow them up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 4:32am

Thanks to everyone for their responses.

I've been thinking it over since I posted. I see that he's matured "because" he moved out. At first I wasn't sure that I could be given credit for that... but then I think, maybe I did give him the tools needed to live alone.

And Rose, he was in a military organization, the Civil Air Patrol, for a couple of years and I know that had alot to do with his maturity.

Thanks again, I'll let everyone know how it goes from here.

zz