Myspace

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Myspace
9
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 8:37am

Hi, I am back with another question. I see through another discussion earlier in the month that there are a lot of problems with this myspace garbage and the internet. I think it should be shut down.

My confusion is, are kids really so eaily swayed by this stuff or is it the parents or just the kids. I see there has been relationship problems. Those of you I talked to before know that this is my dilema. Can it really cause good kids to go bad. If it is thrown in their face, I think it is hard for them avoid. 17 and 18 year olds still do not have the control of an adult. Some adults don't have control!

This question should get a rise. If I know there are problems with my daughter's b/f, do I talk to him. Is telling his mother going too far. She knows nothing of what is going on. He is very close with his parents, but this stuff he is hiding from them due to embarrassment, he knows it is wrong. He has stopped after the threat of a breakup, we hope.

Just throwing this stuff out there for you guys!!!!!!!!!

Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
In reply to: andie3157
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 8:57am

Andie,
I must have missed the OP. I'm not sure what you're asking, but I'll try:
Can (myspace?) make good kids go bad? Good kids can be swayed by any variety of things. Good kids make dumb mistakes. It's our job to watch over them, keep them safe when we can and be there to catch them if they fall.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: andie3157
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 9:09am

You are SO right, do we step in when the other parents are clueless. Believe it or not, she is one of the most controling mothers I know. This kid is not allowed to do anything. But this internet stuff is passing her right by, it would kill her if she knew what goes on. She trusts him so completely, he has never caused them a second of problems. They always tell him how happy they are that is dating a great girl like my daughter. I am close to him, but I can't let him know that I know about the details of what happened, he would be mortified and probably never be able to face me again.

Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: andie3157
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 9:51am
If it was my ds that was doing this and in danger of possibly becoming addicted to porn - I'd want to know.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: andie3157
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 10:07am

I applaud you. I wish there were more parents who could have the control over this stuff that you do. What possess these kids to send these disgusting pictures, where are the morals. It is maddening. I am hoping my daughter has taken care of most of this herself, but I know if it happens again, he will be history and I don't think he wants that. I just wish I could find an anonymous way to let his mom know hahahaha. We have talked but never one on one. I would hate this to be the first time we had a heart to heart.

Andie

Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: andie3157
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 12:20pm

I think if the info you have on the bf is based strictly on what you've read on myspace, you need to find another source. Myspace is an anonomous way for kids to brag about things they know nothing about, to lie about things that don't really matter (to them) and to push a limit that isn't acceptable in real life. I've read my son's myspace (I even have a fake id, saying I'm 16....) He lies and brags about stuff that isn't anywhere near true, but like this board, he also uses that as a place to talk with his peers about things that matter to him and get their take on it (like when he talked to his bio father 2 weeks ago, after almost 10 years of no contact from him). I don't think myspace should be shut down, I think more parents should pay attention. I don't think a website like myspace can make good kids go bad any more than I think a website like iVillage can make a bad parent good.

However, if porn is the issue (you never said for sure) and you really know that is the issue, his parents need to know. But, I'd really let the men handle it, having your DH talk to his dad. Men are the ones that need to stand up and say that porn is wrong/immoral/degrading to all people. Only men can grow really great men (not that I haven't tried, but a mom can only do so much)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: andie3157
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 12:39pm

It is actually these kids meeting on there and getting into these sex groups and then sending each other disgusting pictures. The problem is we aren't close to his parents, we have talked but not as friends. We made a pact not to do that again, caused problems with other parents before. So I know my husband will not get involved. And his father is a wonderful man, husband and father. This literally came out of nowhere.

I know all of this for a fact my daughter found out what happened, she found a myspace group some members of his football team started and he was one of them collecting disgusting pictures. The other time he was stupid enough to give her his email password to look at some football thing and she found an email to a girl that he met on myspace that he sent a picture of himself, not a pretty one. How in the world would I ever break that to his parents, they would be so embarrassed it would kill them. He deleted the group from myspace. He swore to mydaughter he would never do this again after she said she did not want to be with him like this.

Knowing him, I truely want to believe this is just a case of bad jugement, lapse in judgement, teenage hormones whatever it is called.

I would need to find a very tactful way to break this to his parents. I don't know if there is such a way.

Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
In reply to: andie3157
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 1:42pm

I'm not sure if I'm confused, dumb, or just missing something..... I've gone on my DD14's xanga and myspace - about once a week - and never have seen anything really disgusting or immoral. It seems like another forum for teens to express themselves - not that different in content than what we did 30 years ago, just a different medium.

I don't think she uses either space very much yet - mostly she IMs her school friends, and uses xanga to send insider messages to her close group ("about what happened today - wasn't that kewl!"). She hardly ever uses myspace.

I did notice on myspace that by clicking photos, you can link to other people's pages that may be more "out there" - but I can't monitor other kids' good or bad taste.

I've warned my DD about accepting friends that she doesn't know - myspace is full of friends of friends of friends - and about the fact that it's public (anyone can find it). What else should I be looking for, worried about?

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
In reply to: andie3157
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 2:06pm

Don't just look at what she is doing, obviously she is using it for what I believe it was intended. Look at the groups they can join. There is every group imaginable. Including every kind of sex group you can think of. This is where the older people come in. This is myspace. Then they start commenting on each others spaces and get email addresses. And it escalates from there.

You know how they have a picture for their space, I saw one today with two girls in a very compromising position and that is mild. Your daughter is younger, she may not know about these groups and the other disgusting stuff yet. I think this is the older crowds 18 and up. But it is on there and has caused me heartache. Hopefully you can make sure that she never gets to that point. Just be careful. There was an article about how older men are getting on there and collecting pictures and looking to see if they can get info on young girls. It is evil.

Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
In reply to: andie3157
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 6:14pm

Thanks! I never thought to click on the dumb groups. I guess I"ll have to poke around more aggressively - if only to give DD a heads up on what's out there.

Sue