myspace? content and 'freedom of speech'
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| Tue, 01-30-2007 - 1:19pm |
Hi. I'm sure there's lots of this going around, what's acceptable and what's not on the internet and especially myspace. I spoke with a counsellor last night and he said it is what alot of families are discussing, rules of engagement, limits, etc.
So here it is. My 15 yr old DD has quite a network on myspace. Up to now, I've let her be. I didn't see anything blatantly wrong, except she spends too much time on the site. However, last week I was walking past and saw a profile that floored me! It was two blondes in black lingerie very seductively 'together'.
To humour the kids, I created my own myspace page. So I signed onto my 'page' and went to her profile to investigate. This is something anyone in the whole wide world can do, so I wanted to see what the world could see through her page. Besides the lingerie blondes, another of her friends is known as gothic or emo. The page is dark and depressing. The first picture is two skulls with bone mohawks with a caption under it saying "F#%# the System" then further down the page a psyco looking person pointing a gun directly at you, the caption is written in red blood saying "Die MotherF#$$%, Die". Ok, there were other profiles I could have listed, but these two were the most offensive. But one more is worth mentioning. The person's screenname is whalepenis!!
I attempted to have a rational calm discussion with this child about the content. She said they aren't her pages, so it's not her problem. And, haven't you heard of freedom of speech mom???
I stated that as a parent it's my job to sensor her, and it's to my discretion what she views. I know the girls mom (the one with the blondes on her page). I called the mom and asked if she'd seen her DD's page lately. She admitted she hadn't, and I asked her to look. She said she was busy. That was 2 days ago. So I called back and told her my DD was suspended from myspace until she looked at her DD's page and got back to me. If she doesn't agree that it's unappropriate then I will take my own measures.
I am prepared to suspend all myspace in my home. Am I unreasonable in any of this? I think not. What I'm here to ask is how many others deal with issues over myspace or other internet content and what measures do you do to stay involved and sensor your childs exposure? My dillema would be, at this point, how far do I go with the sensoring? There's still MSN messanger and email. Part of me says that is private, and wouldn't be worldly announced. But that seems an unclear message. You can't do it publicly but are allowed private unappropriate material? I have a mind to take the internet completely!!
Looking for positive parents! Thanks for listening!
Mom_2_7 (Vanessa)

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Well, I guess I'm not sure what to say. I never had this problem with my older DD. 'Course, myspace wasn't around back then and she was a DIFFERENT kid. Maybe it's honest to admit that I'm looking for reasons to restrict her from the internet, as there's other things going on with her besides this. Her attitude stinks and she's obsesses with the phone and internet. If I try to put any limits on either she is even less cooperative than normal and that's hard to top.
Not to say I think stepping in wasn't necessary, it absolutely was. I still haven't heard back from the girls' mom. We've known each other all these kids lives, so I had no qualms about calling her. The fact that she doesn't get it baffles me. But the scary part is, our DD's are best friends and I can't trust the other mom to monitor her DD. So how can I provide security for my DD on both sides of the street? As some of you said, I can't. That's not easy to live with, I guess.
Although I don't feel much better about the situation, due to my own beliefs, thanks for the input. I'll keep trudging along and pray for His guidance!
Thanks. Vanessa
I'm 18, as you all probably know by now. I have a MySpace account, but I do not have a page. I joined solely to look at photos posted by my friends and to listen to music on MySpace Music. No other reasons. I don't like MySpace at all. I view it as a place where egomaniacs go to meet other egomaniacs.
I also don't think that many kids portray themselves as, well, themselves, on their MySpaces. It's like stepping into a costume for Halloween. It's a disguise. On MySpace you can be anyone. You can even invent a whole new identity, lie about your name, location or age. I actually think it would be safer if kids changed their names, or did not post their last name.
Yes, the OP's DD is right about freedom of speech, but with freedom of speech comes a responsibility. If a person is offended by something you say, that is your problem - if you had a reasonable suspicion that what you were saying would offend someone. Kids are more shrewd than you think and know exactly what to say to offend.
And they will say larger-than-life things while hidden behind a computer monitor?
Know why?
Because they don't have to see the person's face. They don't have to watch it crumple slowly in disappointment or hurt. So that illusion, in turn, makes them feel "invincible". They don't have to care about what other people think of them, because they're safe in front of their computer screen.
The same is true of MySpace. They don't need to care about what people think of them - I mean, those people are from the other side of the world!
But what parents need to stress to their MySpace-possessing children is that there are very few barriers any more, and you can never be truly safe online. Never.
You can be safer, but if someone really wants to hassle you, they will find a way to do it. That's the techno-life we're living today and ain't it grand?
The thing is each child IS different and often we have to find other, creative, ways of parenting them. If your dd is not behaving responsibly with the PRIVILEGE of using the internet, myspace, phone, etc., then you must make the necessary changes to teach her the responsibility that goes along with those privileges.
My older dd was fine with the internet, still is. But my younger dd is a nightmare with the internet and phone. I had to make changes and certain restrictions for the younger dd. Sometimes I have to dog-watch her. Until you've had a child who is relentless in her pursuit to act like she's 30 without the know how, you wouldn't know what I'm talking about! LOL -
Do what you think is right, but do NOT expect other parents to do it your way. Get tough - sometimes you simply have to do what you have to do, without a care for what other parents and kids may think. Best of luck~
----Until you've had a child who is relentless in her pursuit to act like she's 30 without the know how, you wouldn't know what I'm talking about! LOL-----
I definately relate to that statement!!! Oh she's so certain I am from a different planet! LOL
Thanks for the insight on your children, also dancing to different tunes. Yes, these two are night and day! At this point, I do need to readjust some things with her. I will start now by talking to her (again). :)
Thanks! Vanessa
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