Myspace, drama, etc....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Myspace, drama, etc....
11
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 1:46pm

Ok, the rule in our house is that if my dd (age 13) has a MySpace and/or email, then we get the passwords, and we get to read it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 1:52pm

I never read any of my DD's email or IMs because I considered it private.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 2:15pm

My kids both do a fair amount of instant messaging, and my DD15 has a Facebook account. I have the same rule, i.e., that in order for them to use these things, I need to have their password--and I get to set the options on their AIM, which means that every conversation is logged and placed in a file on the computer. I do monitor the Facebook pretty frequently--several times per week. I occasionally look at the IM logs. Mostly, I'm looking to be sure that they are only talking to people they know--both of my kids had gotten into situations in years past where they were communicating with total strangers. (My DS13 actually called some strange man on his cell phone!!) I guess I should mention that I keep an eye on who they are calling and receiving calls from on their cell phones too--i.e., only friends,no strangers. As my DD has proven that she can handle these computer privileges responsibly, I have been monitoring her less frequently.


As far as the high school drama,and kids being nice or nasty to one another,I try not to go there. I just tell myself that these are things they have to work out, and I remind myself that I'm glad I'm not in high school anymore! However, if I saw my kids being nasty, I would definitely make them remove it from their Facebook, etc. As a matter of fact, I did see on my DS's IM log the other day that he had been incredibly mean to one of his best friends--now a former friend. I talked to him to try to get him to tell me what happened, and I reminded him about how hard it is to make good friends like this one was, and I urged him to make amends.


Only my DD uses e-mail, and I never check her email account. I feel like that is sort of like opening her mail, which I would never do.


Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 4:06pm

This always gets me...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 4:33pm

I agree that we can't know for sure what our kids are doing on the computer when they go to friends' houses, etc. But I don't think it means we shouldn't monitor what we can. I can only do what I can do! The rest comes from knowing your own kid. My DD has worked hard to earn our trust, and I have gradually given her more leeway as a result. If she chooses to be sneaky, and I find out about it--and I usually do, because these kids aren't as clever as they think they are--then she knows that she will have to go back to square one.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 4:47pm

You know sometimes I think the problem with myspace and facebook and msn and other similar things is that there is just too much information out there.

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 4:55pm

HOW do you think they go back to 'square one'?

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Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 5:05pm

And to go along with what you have said...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 6:04pm

The problem is not about trusting your own children; it's about the people out there looking to gain your child's trust, manipulate them, exploit their vulnerabilities, and meet with them for sexual purposes. It has happened again and again and again - i can guarantee if the parents of the children who were abused, exploited, or worse would get the chance to do it over again, they would monitor. All children are vulnerable to online predators.


I'm not saying that you have to monitor each and every single conversation - but you should know where they are going online and who they are talking to. If they close IMs when you walk by, THAT IS A WARNING SIGN.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 7:16pm

I'm not sure how to say this without sounding like I've totally got my head in the sand, but I'm going to give it a shot anyway....


In some ways this thread reminds me of the mass hysteria out there back in 82 & 83 when parents were lead to believe that every stranger out there was planning on abducting your 2 y/o.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 8:41pm

Rose, I disagree with your analogy of the stranger abductions. Those may indeed be few and far between. But internet predators are very prevalent. It has been shown time and time again that these people are just waiting out there to pounce on unsuspecting kids. Kids can't seem to get it into their heads that people they "meet"on the Internet are not always who or what they claim to be.


My own two kids have each run up against this in separate incidents--and they don't even use the computer all that much. Both cases happened when they were about 13,and they just happened to naively wander into some sites that left them open to strangers. I had to monitor them much more closely after that for a while, but now they understand the issues better, so I've been able to back off a bit. We can still teach them to use good judgment while at the same time keeping an eye out for their safety. Just like another poster said--it isn't much different than letting

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